Watching and monitoring...

The doctors have ran tests, x-rays, ultra sounds on his kidneys and all have came back negative for any damage or problems at this point-that is good! His fever still was there up until this afternoon he ran 101.8 fever through the night and now he is down to 100.2 which is better. They placed him on antibiotics to prevent any further damage or control the infection if he has an new one but the rest of the lab cultures and results are not back yet so we still do not know about why the fever then and if he has a new infection or not, or is this the same fungus infection or pneumonia we already knew he has but was getting slightly better? Alot of sit and wait for the results. Right now the GVHD Graft vs. Host has not spread beyond Eric's palms of his hands so they are monitoring and waiting.

Mean while Eric was bummed cause with this new fever and not feeling very well as well as the GVHD Graft Vs Host on his hands they will not let him even go anywhere or off the floor with the kids. I feel bad about that he worked so hard to try to get better for the kids and now this fever and graft vs host on his hands. It's okay though cause at least he got to see the kids and they are here and that is all that matters!!

I can not begin to describe in words how awesome it was to see the kids and Eric reunite after not seeing each other since August. They both ran into his arms and all three of them just sat there hugging each other for 10 minutes holding tight and crying! We were all crying so hard- it was the sweetest and coolest moment! I am posting a picture of them as they were hugging and crying it was so cool! I can not tell you how much it meant to them to all see each other! I think that was a big payoff for me as a mom and wife and one of the most special moments in life that I will NEVER forget! I want to say a few important THANK YOU'S to a few people knowing that there really are so many people to thank for so many things and I hope EVERYONE KNOWS HOW THANKFUL WE ARE FOR ALL YOU HAVE DONE FOR US!!!!

First Troy and David Giles from back home- AWESOME NEIGHBORS!! Not only have they helped and did our yard all the past few years while Eric's health was starting to decline but then they sealed our drive way for us last week for the winter. It needed to be done and was one of those projects that Eric couldn't do and Austin and I was suppose to do but ran out of time between all the hospitals and leaving for Eric's transplant- it would not have made it through the winter and we are SOOO GRATEFUL, THANKS GILE'S ! Then The Clark Family here in Texas- wow I can not begin to mention everything they have done but want them to know how much we love them and think of them as family- YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!! The ladies in the Baybrook Ward who have not just been helpful- they have done so much for our family- letters, cleaning the apartment, lunch, emails and words of encouragement- love and support, you guys are amazing and I look up to all of you!!

Dawn Davis- and all the ladies that helped fly my children here to see their Dad!! I do not how many of you were involved but I know there was alot of you, for that I am eternally grateful!! As a mother I am sure you all know the feeling when you have missed your children so much, so much it hurts and the feeling you get when you get to see them again! AMAZING!!! ;) Paul and Debi Clements - who not only have always been good friends of ours and supported us but knew that Eric and Austin have this tradition that they fly some where for a Dad and Son trip to a NFL football game (usually following the COLTS - that is our FAMILY'S TEAM) but the last two years they have not been able to do that due to Eric's health. The Clements knew this and bought both the kids a ticket to the NFL Texans vs. Colts here in Houston,TX at Reliant Stadium on Thanksgiving weekend when they will be down here to visit. Eric won't be able to go but we know that next year he will be back in the stands with us and hopefully the Clements as well ( Paul I think we have you hooked now for the NFL games and trip tradition-huh?) Thank you!!

EVERYONE for so much more I can not mention it all!!! We love and appreciate all of you and can't wait to pay it forward!

Val Verda 1st Ward- OUR HOME WARD-WOW!!!!!!!! They sent the kids down with two big envelopes filled with beautiful pictures from all the primary kids and notes to wish Eric well!! The whole ward, youth, relief society, elder quorum, everyone sent letters and notes of encouragement. I can not tell you what that meant to us!!! To Eric whom there are so many I have not been able to read/ show them all yet to! Austin and I sat up until 1am this morning, reading all those cards, laughing and loving all your words of love and support and those CUTE PRIMARY PICTURES FROM ALL THE VAL VERDA 1ST WARD PRIMARY KIDS!! WE LOVED IT!!!! :) YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!! The primary also sent down a tape of them singing their beautiful songs, thank you!

We feel all of your love and support and we want you to know that it is truly humbling to be on the other side, we usually are the givers and so willing to help others. It is very hard and one that has been I think one of our little lesson in all this is ACCEPTING HELP! You always want to be strong and do things for others not be the one getting help but I know that has been one of the Lord's lesson in this trial for us to learn. I have had many people tell me that we need to just accept the help otherwise we are taking away blessings from the ones who want to help us. I am trying to remember that! As any of you who know me and know me well, if someone does something I want to do something right back for them. They bring dinner, I take back the plates, thank note and a plate of treats as well! I feel better when I do something back for someone who has done something for us! It's hard being here and not able to "PAY IT BACK" I am so behind on thank you notes, I owe so much!!! I hope we will get the chance to do all the nice and wonderful things that have been done for us someday!

Bump in the road...

Well we should have known this was coming, Eric was having such a few good days. We have hit a bump in the road (one I hoped would not come but knew probably would happen). The whole roller coaster thing, huh? Eric last night around 12 midnight started throwing up, quite a bit. So they increased his ABH nausea medicine. He is still not eating just drinking water so I am not sure what really got him going. Then around the same time he started saying his hands were aching and hurting him, we noticed yesterday afternoon that they were getting a little red, swollen looking like a sunburn on his palms and then on his outside of his hands they are discolored a little like they are tanner on the fingers and tips of his fingers.

We thought it probably was from Eric washing his hands so much and they say your skin after all this chemo becomes more fragile, thin. So we were having him put on lotion alot. Well his pain level started to increase pretty bad from his hands feeling sore and aching, throbbing like a sunburn on them. So the nurses asked what his pain level was he said 8 out of 10, they gave him morphine. The nurse said in the morning we will have the doctors look at it. However then through the night he started running a fever of 100.8 and the rash has become more red on his palms of his hands.

Update: While I was writing this the doctors just came in and said they are concerned that the rash on his hands is GVHD (Graft Vs. Host ) what we don't want. The fever they are concerned about and have taken him down to get chest x-rays, and additional tests. I am sure everyone already is but please continue to pray for Eric, please pray the doctors and find out what is it and that they will be able to treat him and control it. I feel so bad Eric was looking so forward to the kids coming, I guess at least they will be here to visit and can give him a boost on his morale and energy again. I will keep everyone posted once I know. We knew there would be bumps in the road and we have hit one, it just we were having such good days, I felt like maybe this is starting to be over and we can get back to our normal life. I know we will, I know the Lord is here for us and he will help us through this like he has been. I just pray for strength, for Eric and for the doctors knowledge and to be guided what they need to do for Eric.

A little tired...

Today Eric was a little tired and slept alot of the day. Energy was a little less today, he couldn't sleep all night last night for some reason, They tried giving him ambien and he still was awake all night so he went out a few times through the night and walked and received more of those M & M's. The problem with being up all night is he sleeps in the day- the nights and days are mixed up!

Tonight Eric's nausea for some reason returned, he is still not eating but is drinking alot of water. They had to increase his ABH nausea medicine. They took him down to do a ultra sound of his kidneys due to increased levels, they are concerned his kidneys might have been damaged so they will reviews the ultra sound to see. Eric's hands have started to hurt and turn like a sunburn red color on them, discoloring. We were worried that this was a possible GVHD- Graft Verse Host it can be a sign. The charge nurse looked at it due to Eric is in alot of pain from it. She asked him to rate his pain from it and he said an 8 out of 10 so they gave him additional pain medication/ morphine. The charge nurse says it can be a side effect of the chemo he received ATG so they have given him some cream to keep putting on them until tomorrow morning when the doctors can look at it and see what they feel it is and what to do.

The kids come tomorrow afternoon and we are so EXCITED!!! :) We have missed them so much and I can not wait to see them when they get to see their Dad! He has been so excited, pushing himself to get better for them to visit and make sure he is feeling better, I am so proud of him and grateful for the love he has for the kids, he is amazing to watch such a strong relationship they have. It has always been like that long before all this stuff, we have always been a very close family but going through something like this makes you even closer.

I want to thank everyone again, there are so many of you that have supported, loved, prayed for us and helped us in so many ways we can not begin to name everyone. We have many kind acts of love and support that I can not begin to express our gratitude enough! I will never be able to thank all of you enough and do back all the wonderful things that have been done for us but please know that Eric, I and the kids will continue to live everyday of our lives paying it forward, paying back in every kind act we can do for you and others just the way you all have done for us! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! We are very grateful and know the Lord has guided and directed all this.

I Stand All Amazed....Very blessed

Eric continues to keep improving slowly more each day. His white cells went up again to 2.6!!! Wow- this is awesome (sometimes I get scared that things are moving up in a good direction- scared to enjoy the moment for fear it will change). Eric's throat seems to be getting better, not as much blood coughing or throwing up- that's good. His pneumonia and fungus infection on his lungs the doctors say showed a slight improvement, that was good to here.

The recent thing in the last 2 days they are concerned about is Eric's creatinine levels went up alot. That measures your kidneys and he has been the whole time in here bouncing from 0.5 to 1.0 which then want you lower than 1.0. All of the sudden the other day on the 23rd the first day he started to improve and graft his level jumped from 0.9 to 1.6, then yesterday went up again to 1.9 but stayed today at 1.9. They are concerned that with all this chemo and damage they have to do during the transplant it can damage your organs and they are concerned about if his kidneys were damaged. Add to that he has been thirsty more that last 2 days drinking water and now is bloating up and retaining it, not releasing it out of his body so his ankles and feet are incredibily huge and swollen. They do not want to have to put him back on the Lasek drip cause of the worry on his creatinine levels already and possible damage to his kidneys so it's again a fine line they are watching it closely and will see what steps next to take.

The doctors should be in her anytime now and we will know more about that issue. Other than that though Eric really is doing better in the last few days. If you would have told me a few days ago that he would be to this point I would have never believed it. He is strong, alot of will power and strength, I think the kids are alot of his motivation. Last night Eric could not stop talking to me about how blessed he feels he is and we are! He said do you realize how much the Lord has done for me and us? He just started naming all the blessings we have and have been blessed with recently and said I have such a strong testimony of our Savior. He told me he wants to sit down with the kids and talk to them and make sure they realize how blessed we have been and how thankful we should be.

He said he has felt the Lord on many occasions through this carrying him through this and comforting him and he has never felt it so strong before as he does now, he started crying and thanking me for all I have done ( I have not done anything that he wouldn't have done for me) and for being his wife and eternal companion. It neat to see, Eric has always lived his life with goodness, happiness and appreciation and the gift it is to all of us but coming so close to death and suffering the way he has, having the darkest moments and knowing and feeling the Lord carry you and get you through it, it makes you appreciate everything so much more. It was funny the whole rest of the night he would keep reminding me "See that is another blessing" or "That was thanks to the Lord" He is right, again I know we are far from over with this journey and not out of the woods but we are blessed, very blessed. I thank the Lord myself for not only all of the blessings but for the chance as weird as it is to have this trial that has taught us to be humble and reminded us what matters in life. I do not wish this on anyone nor do I really want to be doing it but we are and I am grateful for the Lord and the gospel and the power and peace, comfort it brings us if we let it in.

It is like what I read in a book recently. "Visualize the Savior holding you in His arms." "Listen to his words of love." That is exactly what I think of when Eric said he knows the Savior has been holding him and carrying him through this. What an awesome feeling!

Walking alot!!

Well today has been a good day. Eric is getting more energy and really thirsty now. His throat is a little better, starting to heal more with the grafting and higher white cells. It is amazing to me what these white cells can do and how important they are! Eric went up again from 1.2 now to 1.7- WAHOOO!! His feet and ankles are really swollen retaining alot of fluid.

All of the sudden Eric is on a mission I tell you! I think it is funny cause he doesn't want to admit it but I think he is trying to push himself to get better because the kids are coming on Tuesday. He keeps saying to the doctors what do I need to be by Tuesday, I keep telling him you don't want to push it. He loves the kids and is so excited to see them, if they only could see how hard he is fighting to get stronger and better by the time they come visit. He didn't want them to see him in so much pain and weak.

As for the M & M's , ohh the M & M's competition. Eric is not playing around. As of this morning he had earned the 3rd bandanna and only needed 15 more for the 4th BLUE bandanna. Well if you can believe it he has been so restless, wanting to get out of the room so bad and see a few different colored walls. He has walked 12 more times today = 12 more M &M's! He only has to get 3 more these things to get his last bandanna!

Then he did not stop there, get ready to laugh!! Eric actually bribed his nurse said he would pay her if she would call/ page his doctor and ask if he wears his mask, gown, and gloves if he could go walk around on the 2nd floor. The second floor is all a beautiful indoor park, since patients can not go outside it is filled with artificial trees, flowers, plants, with park benches to sit on and lamp posts lights- a pretty indoor park to make the patients feel like they are outside at the park. As you can imagine I was not to happy about the idea I just don't want Eric to over do it and get germs when his counts are still so low. They usually do not let the patients go this floor unless your levels are higher and white cells at least a 2.0. Eric is close at 1.7 but can you believe this guy- he convinced his nurse to call his doctor and the doctor said since Eric is close and has been doing so good the past few days sure why not, let him walk around for 30 minutes on the 2nd floor!! What? I thought for sure the doctor would side with me on this one, but Eric won!

You should have seen him when we went down there. You would have thought he was a kid on Christmas morning! He just kept saying oh this is so nice, it feels so good to be out of that room! He kept telling me " I don't think you know how nice it feels to me walking, moving, alive!" It brought tears to my eyes seeing how much it meant to him, he really was so happy! He told me I can't wait to get back home to Utah, I want to go outdoors to so many places we have not been. See the mountains, see the trees, go hiking- all the things we can do at home- I agree with him I can't wait until we can be back home!

A Good Day....

Eric has had a much better day! Yeah! He jumped also higher on grafting he went from 0.4 to 1.2- WOW!!! They said that is very good! He has been able to drink a little bit of water today which is a good sign, throat pain still there and coughing up blood but he at least drank a little dixie cup of water. ( That doesn't sound like much I know but it's a start and for someone who hasn't been drinking anything or eating for 3 weeks it's good!)

Eric is more like himself today and I love it! His jokes are starting and he even made the team of doctors and nurses laugh pretty hard this morning when they were looking at him! If you knew what an accomplishment that was- a few of the doctors don't ever crack a smile, very straight forward and serious. It was funny cause one doctor actually seemed stunned for a minute that Eric was joking and then he started laughing hard. I love it! That is my Eric!!!

We were able to get Eric up to walk 4 times yesterday!!!! He said after 4 days of no walking he needed to make up for lost time. It is a long story to explain but basically they have this walking incentive here they really push hard from the day you get admitted on! It seems a little pre-school and funny but after what we have been through and the 4 days not able to get up at all and walk we now see why they have this in place and push it so much. Basically every time you get up and walk you get a "paper M&M guy" (no one wants the real candies here they don't eat around here) they look just like the M & M guys/ cartoon. The goal is for every 15 M & M's your get placed on your door, you earn a BANDANNA to wear for your no hair look- funny huh? There are 4 levels/ bandanna's to earn. A red, orange,green and then blue. Eric made a joke and being the competitive guy he is he vowed within the first week he would get his "RED BANDANNA". So off he went and sure enough he did that! Easy at that point but then the chemo and bad days really started kicking in, at first I would here Eric say " I need to get up and get some more M & M's, have you seen how many some of my roomies next to me have- they are kicking my butt" "The guy over in room #1152 already has two bandanna's and I came in 2 days before him!" He was so funny, Jodie Clark and I would laugh at Eric and his competitiveness to get those stupid M & M's and earn more bandanna's. Eric doesn't wear them he proudly ties them and displays them around his famous wonderful new best friend- HIS IV POLE.!

So to update you we had lost a week of that drive for the bandanna's ( he has earned the first 2 before the last bad week knocked him down) but yesterday he wanted back in the game! We walked 4 times and not just ten minutes, 25 minutes each time! He was making me laugh and said " Ok so here is the game plan, if I walk 4 times tomorrow, then I will have my third bandanna. Then if I walk 5 times a day for the next 3 days I will have my 4th bandanna- just in time for my target date I wanted which is 9/30/09!" Haha... he is so funny- the things we do to amuse our selves. I am glad he is getting back to the old Eric- humor in all, I missed it! He looks alot better today, more color, more life in him...I thank the Lord every minute that he is carrying us through this and helping us with strength. We are so blessed, we have had countless blessing, mini miracles and BIG miracles along the way that we know are from the Lord. Tender mercies, comfort and blessings from the Lord. I have always had a strong belief in the power of prayer and prayed often but I have developed that even more through all this. I have be able to relate and have so much more love and appreciation for what the pain the Savior suffered for us. In the book I read "When you can't do it alone Take the Savior's Hand" by Brent L. Top I love this part: ...."Only the pure love of Christ will see us through. It is Christ's love which suffereth long and is kind. It is Christ's love which is not puffed up nor easily provoked. Only His pure love enables Him- and Us- to bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, and endure all things.I think a scripture that says so much is " I do not boast in my own strength, nor in my own wisdom; but behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God. Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things." Alma 26:11-12

YEAH!!!!!! WAHOO!!!!!!!!!!!! Eric started to graft!!!!

Yeah !!!!! WAHOO!!!! Eric started to GRAFT!!! YEAH!!!! I am so excited We needed that! He is officially 0.4 today !!! It is Day 15 and 9/24/09 and he started to GRAFT! I will forever remember these dates ( 9/9/09 Transplant Day and 9/24/09 Graft Day) !It has been a rough few weeks, I know we still have a long road ahead of us and that Eric is not in the clear yet but I am just so HAPPY he started to graft. The doctors say he should slowly start to feel a little better each day, slowly start to have a little less pain each day.

He did have a better day yesterday he was still in alot of pain but not as much, he was able to actually be awake a little bit and talk to me today. He even made a few jokes to me while struggling to talk, that is always a good sign for Eric! When he is being funny and joking I know my old Eric is back and that he is feeling a little better, more himself! I miss his humor, laughing at the things he says so unexpectedly- that is what makes him such a great guy!

The kids are so excited when I told them that Daddy has started to graft, they were screaming and yelling! Austin put on his face book status " Yes Wahoooooooooo!!! Yeaaaaah for grafting!!!!" Chelsea said " Yeaaah Tell Dad I love him!" I am so happy that it's a start to a end, if that makes sense to every one. The other day on one of Eric's hardest, hardest day- I mean I have never seen him like this before- I was trying to just talk to Eric even though he was weak and just staring at me and couldn't respond. I was trying to give him hope, more reasons to fight- I told him "The kids love you and are so excited to come see you next week. Do you remember they are coming next week?" He said " I am so excited, excited more than anything in the world to see them!" It was so neat, his eyes sparkled again for a few minutes when he said that. He had just said the day before when I was showering him- the nurse had came in and was saying something to me about Eric's counts but he was so out of it he thought she was saying that she had good news, that he grafted. He looked at me once she left and grab both my hands and said, "Did you hear that, what is the good news- tell me? Did she say I grafted today?" It was the hardest thing I had to do he looked so excited and happy , a face I have not seen for a while now. I had to look at him and burst his bubble and say " Ohh no honey, she said that no changes on your counts, no grafting yet." That was so sad, so hard to say to him, heartbreaking. He looked at me and said " I just need some good news, I thought we had some good news today that I had started to graft."

Wow- that was hard! Today though, today I got to say to him " You grafted Eric!" He was sleeping and 2 nurses came in at 6:30am and said " Congratulations! You have started to graft!!!" They were so excited, I woke Eric up and said " Did you hear that Eric, you grafted- we both started to cry!" What an amazing feeling!!!! I know I am on a high right now, I realize we have so much more of our journey but today, at least for TODAY WE ARE GOING TO ENJOY THIS MOMENT! I hope it just starts to get better and better, slowly I know but better!

A really hard day!

Today has been extremely hard and very emotional day. Eric is in so much pain, he told me and the nurses" How do you guys expect someone to get through this? I am slowly dying here, I can not take much more of this- you have to help me!" I started to cry he is in so much pain, anyone who knows Eric knows he is not the complaining type so when he is upset and complaining it must be really bad. My heart just aches to watch him suffer like this, at times it seems all to much as if there will never be an end.

The nurse just came in and gave him a increase on his morphine again. His nurse today told me that they rate their patients on a level 1- 4 , 4 being the worst on side effects and how the patient is doing from chemo. She said that she has never herself seen a level 4 patient, until now Eric is rated a level 4, They are monitoring him more due to all this as well as he is on so much pain medication and morphine level that when he sleeping he is in such a deep sleep. They are worried about him slipping into a coma, they also worry about having to place a breathing tube down him.It is all a fine line, not enough medication, too much pain but once they get it to a certain level it adds to the risks.

Today is day 13 from transplant day. They say any day now he should start to engraft and then will slowly start to turn a corner and get a little better each day cause he would have white cells to help him. The doctors told us this morning he probably has about a week more of this extreme pain and then hopefully once the engraftment has started he will slowly improve. It is amazing to me the process and the things they have to do to ones body to get all the cancer gone and wait for engraftment, sometimes seems like torture. I am worried about the kids coming next week, we are excited and Eric told me a few nights ago how excited he was to see them but I am worried how he will be. I do not want the kids to see him like this, I hope there is alot that happens for the better in a week. I pray to the Lord for mercy on Eric, for some strength. I hope the Lord bless us with a good day soon to break up the bad days so maybe we can get some rest.

A cute side story- Eric has really been out of it the past week and days, every day for the last 5 days he has been sleeping and jumped up and asked me "What day is it?" At first I did not realize what he was worried about, I would tell him the day of the week "It's Wednesday" he would say "No, no the date" I would say oh it is the 16th, he would do this each day all through out the day and night for the past few days. Finally yesterday when he jumped up and asked me again " What day is it? What day is it?" I told him it is Monday the 21st of September. With a smile on his face he said " It is my brother Travis's Birthday , I need to call him and wish him Happy Birthday!" I started to cry that is Eric thinking of everyone else, he asked me to call his brother for him and put the phone on speaker phone so I did. He told his brother,"Travis it is your Birthday, Happy Birthday" he was so weak and tired that took all he could do so I took over the call and told Travis how he has been worried for days he would sleep through and miss his Birthday and how he wanted to call him. Travis your brother loves you so much and I hope you know that! We hope you had a wonderful Birthday!

Wow...What a night!

Another long hard night...Eric was sleeping so good until about 12:30am then he woke up to alot of pain in his throat and mouth, stomach. I hope no one has weak stomach's, I am sorry if you do then you might want to not read further. Eric started coughing up alot of blood, it was the scariest thing I have ever seen. He was coughing up so much blood, the nurse was in here with us helping us. All of the sudden he started gauging and a long, thick rubbery, bloody seriously probably about 4 feet long came out. It was the grossest thing I think I have ever seen, I felt so bad for Eric, then he just kept coughing up blood.

The nurse said that he just coughed up part of his throat, stomach lining. Can you believe that? They say that Eric's whole insides of his body is like that. His lining of everything slufting off. She said to compare it, think of it as all of your outer layer of skin all over your body peeled off and your whole body is raw, red and sore with that outer layer not there anymore protecting you. That is what his whole body right now is going through, they kill the bad parts of your body with the chemo to get rid of all the bad cells and cancer but unfortunately they kill the good things, the good cells, the lining and protection as well.

He is in extreme pain, I am not sure I ever could have been prepared enough for all of this. It is a little unreal you know...I feel like I am watching a horrible torture movie. We were up until 3:30am, Eric had lost so much blood they were worried so they ordered a bag of platelets and transfused his through the night, they were concerned about internal bleeding and hemriging. They gave him extra morphine and we finally fell asleep at 4:30am - well Eric did. I was so upset and worried I could not go to sleep. The nurse Janey (she is from England and has a really pretty English accent) explained to me that she knows this is all very scary and that I am worried but that it really is part of the course and that this is the bad part of all this. She assured me that as scary as it seems Eric is on track with the process and that today is day 12 after transplant and that about a week of this extreme pain. Any day now she said hopefully he starts to graft and he will slowly turn a corner.

They say that usually from day 14 to day 21 most people start to graft, until then all this will just get worse before it can get better. Good news is though she said that once he starts to slowly graft he will turn that corner and the mouth.throat sores, linings, extreme pain, rashes, nausea, diarrhea it will all start to slowly get better. For now I just keep praying to the Lord, please continue to give him strength. Please allow him some relief, little breaks of rest, please bless his body that it will start to en graft, respond and that his donor's marrow will become his marrow. Bless Eric with love, peace and comfort- that he knows how much we love him and that he feels our prayers and most of all feels the angels that surround him to bear him up. Many scriptures I hold onto right now: "I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you...Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you.Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:18,27 "Whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day." Alma 36:3 " Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." Isaiah 41:10. Through the night as I lay awake watching Eric finally sleep and worried I kept having one of my favorite child primary songs run over and over in my mind. "Child's Prayer" ..."Lord, Are you there? Do you hear my prayers?"

Up all night in extreme pain..no sleep

Eric had a rough night last night. He was up all night in extreme pain from his mouth sores and throat and his stomach. He kept asking the nurses if they could help him more, give him more pain medicine. I feel so bad for him, he is in so much pain, He told the nurses he doesn't think he can do the pain much longer. They were able to get the doctors in here this morning and they are increasing Eric's morphine pain medicine levels to try to get him more comfortable. He needs that, I hope it works.

He did not get any sleep last night but now he is asleep but the pour guy has the hiccups, he has had them consecutively for the last 4 days. They won't go away, they have tried some meds but still has them. They say that is from all the irritation on the pallet of his mouth, common side effect. I feel bad cause even when he is sleeping the hiccups keep going, jerking his whole body I am sure he is not comfortably sleeping. We have got the morphine PCP pump (patient contorled pump) down to a science - we can only push it every ten minutes for his pain but it still doesn't take the edge off so hopefully them increasing it will. Sounds pretty bad when you realize he is needing the morphine every 10 minutes and that is still not enough but that gives you an idea of his pain level.

He is doing good though, I am proud of him. He is so weak, tired and in pain but we at least have been able to walk at least 2 times a day. Not the 3 times they want but we are trying, I know he is using all his energy to try to get up and walk for me. I asked him an hour ago if he can get up and walk with me for a few minutes and I had to laugh- this is what he said" Can you find a chair and push me in it?" I don't think that is what they have in mind by getting up and walking but I understand what he is saying- that is okay I will let him rest and we will try again later to get up to walk. He says he feels really dizzy today and feels like his muscles in his legs are going away, the doctors tell me that they monitor that and that he doesn't seem to be losing much muscle so at this point they are not to worried yet.

He has not still ate anything nor will he drink. The doctors say they have him on so many fluids that they are not concerned right now with him not eating for a few weeks, that is normal in this process. They will place him on TPN IV feeding if they need to but they will just follow his course and see what they will need to do in the future. Eric tried to talk to the kids last night on the phone he was to weak and throat/ mouth hurt he couldn't even talk to them. My heart broke at that, he started to cry and shook his head "No" that he wasn't able to talk. I feel bad that he can't but I know the kids understand, that is why when the kids come to see him that will be so good for him and the kids. He really has been unable to talk to them so seeing them will be good for his spirits.

We plan on having the kids fly down for UEA weekend which is 9/30/09-10/4/09. I am excited cause the kids have not seen their Dad since 8/24/09 so it will be a nice visit. I hope he is feeling better and turned a corner by then so they do not have to see him like this but either way it will be good to have them come. We love and miss them so much, they are doing good and we are so proud of them. Austin the day I flew back here last weekend put on his face book " I can do it- only 2 more weeks" he is referencing 2 weeks until he gets to come see his Dad. I am excited for the kids, they miss him and he misses them soooooooooooooo much! I do too! :)

Today much like yesterday...

Today is Saturday and Eric's pain is pretty extreme, he says it's an 8 alot like yesterday. Sore throat and mouth sores extremely painful. The doctors say this is the worst part and the stomach cramping and pain, but today is day 10 and they are hoping he grafts within 14-21 days. Then his throat and mouth sores would start to slowly improve once he has a immune started to fight for him.

They started a few days ago the Nuepogen shots in his stomach,that is to help boost the process and get his counts to go up and help to graft. He got up and walked for me about 20 minutes ago which was good, he still won't eat or drink anything. Not even water, they tried to get him to do water in a small dixie cup and he couldn't even take a sip he said it hurts to much even to swallow.

His mouth looks so swollen, he couldn't even open it up for the doctor, it was so sore the doctor said that was fine and that he understands. I know last time Eric got these mouth sores but nothing like this, these are horrible. One nurse said that she thinks this is one of the worst parts of the bone marrow transplant. We sent a letter to our donor, even though we can not give personal name, address, etc information we can share our feelings. It was neat to write him, I just wish I knew his name instead of just "Donor" but in due time.

I asked the social worker why they have the 1 year restriction to meet the donor if in the states and 2 years for out of the country ( that is another way we think Eric's donor is out of the country cause they told us when we got here that its 2 years before we can meet him). They said that the emotional process on the donor is very hard, they have found that the donors feel a great responsibility on their shoulders emotionally. They do not want the donor and family to meet until a then in case the patient doesn't make it, to limit the hard emotional feelings as much as possible that go along with that.

I never thought of all that, it makes sense but I really never sat and thought it out that way. I completely understand, the donor is an amazing person and no matter what the outcome I hope he knows that he did an amazing thing. I can really never put into words how grateful we are, it would never be enough. No fevers still which is a good thing, nausea still there but throwing up held back as long as he gets his ABH IV nausea medicine. Sleep, sleep, sleep that is mostly what Eric does but as I have said before that is good as long as he is resting and not in to much pain.

2nd Hardest Day Eric says...

I was able to get Eric up for a short 5 minutes walk which was good at least he got up, the nurse said she was proud of him cause her two other patients are doing alot better than Eric and they won't even come out of their rooms the past few days. She said Eric is in alot worse shape and the fact that he got up is great! I asked him on a level of 1 to 10 what was his pain today (they ask him that alot here to gage his pain) he told me a 7 or 8 today, He says that besides for the day and night he was in that extreme pain and up throwing up til 3am last week today is by far his 2nd worst day!

I am so proud of him he is doing good, I tell him that all the time. Sometimes he is to weak to talk to me and he will just shake his head "No, he's doesn't feel like he is doing good" but he is and I will just keep telling him that so he hears it over and over again. He is strong and he can do this! It is just like all the doctors told him when we first came down here with Eric's critical bloods levels he should be falling over and not able to function and he was working- they told us the last year they do not know how he was able to work and function at all! That should tell you how strong he is and what a fighter he is.

I have a picture for you of him walking today that I am posting, I also have a picture of our room/ new home for now. It is small but we make good use of it. As you can see I have a pull down murphy bed out of the wall that is right by Eric's bed, that is nice to be able to be a little close to him. I am grateful I can stay in here with him and they didn't kick me out, that is a blessing. I know Eric says today is his 2nd hardest day but I am so proud of him, he is doing great!

Mouth Sores....Yuck!

Today Eric pain level is pretty extreme, his mouth is so swollen and sore. He has alot of open sores in his mouth and down his throat, he spitting up blood all day long. They have this suction set up for him due to all the blood coming out of his mouth. It's kind of like the suction when you go to the dentist but it goes into this container hooked to the wall right behind his bed. They have it hooked right by him so he can be suctioned all throughout the day and night.

It is amazing how much blood he has coming out of his mouth, they say this is part of the course, It will get worse before it gets better unfortunately. I apologize if anyone has weak stomach's but to give you an idea I am posting a picture of the blood/saliva that keeps being suctioned out of his mouth, This morning he woke up have blood all over his pillow and sheets from it. That is why he is on constant morphine pump for the pain of the mouth sores and his throat as well as his stomach pain. He sleeps most the time now, he can't remember things at all. We got him up in the shower this morning and he woke up around 3pm here and said I need to get in the shower, I told him " We already got you in the shower today, this morning" that is the morphine talking.

He has lost 20 pounds since the day he came into the hospital, that is what 2 1/2 weeks of not eating will do to you. He has had no fever that is good, he can not even swallow his own saliva his throat is so sore. He drools alot, I should take a picture of that I am sure he would have a joke for us all from that in the future. He told the nurses the other day that you would think for a half a million dollars we are paying you guys that you would provide some more entertainment than these 4 walls to stare at- they laughed! :)

He is really weak and tired but that is also part of this process. We met a former bone marrow transplant patient, he came to visit the nurses. He had the same type of bone marrow transplant as Eric, they call it a Allogenic transplant or MUD which is for a unrelated donor. That is the hardest type of transplant on the body. He had his 18 months ago and looks great, walking around fine and looks just like a typical guy (you would have never known). That gives us hope! He says his energy is not back he only feels about 40% energy from what he was but everyone we have talked to has told us that same thing. Once you go through a bone marrow transplant your energy level and life style is changed dramatically. Eric looked at me and said "Yes I can get out of watering your flowers now!" HAHA...funny guy!

We continue to feel all of your love, support and prayers and know the Lord is walking right beside us sometimes carrying us. I will tell you something what we are going through I would not wish this on anyone. The emotional, physical and mental - it is all so much. We do what the Lord hands us I know, but I have told him many of times in my prayers " I surrender, I have learned my lesson." I guess he thinks I need more....

Sleeping all day...

Another quiet day... Eric has been pretty much sleeping all day I was able to get him up once this morning to walk. I will try later to get him to walk again, he is just so tired and weak and pretty much wants to just sleep all the time from the morphine and pain. I do not blame him, his mouth is pretty swollen with mouth sores, it looks like someone punched him in the mouth.

He won't even drink anything, hurts to much to swallow. I am amazed how much more weaker Eric has become, his legs look so frail. I am worried if we do not keep him walking at least the three times a day that his muscles in his legs will get weak as I see signs already of them weaker, They say all of this is part of the course and that the key is really to the morphine for the pain however still getting up as much as possible to walk as they have studies that show patients do better and get out of the inpatient sooner if they are walking,

A side note also to all this is Eric's pneumonia and fungus infection in his lungs. With all the fluids they are pumping in him and laying down all that fluid just sits back on the bottom of him by his already infected lungs which puts him at higher risk of the infection getting worse. No fevers though, that is good. The nausea and throwing up has been better as long as he gets his schedule IV nausea medicine ABH. You learn to know the system and what medications you need and when to make things alot more manageable. The Lord continues to comfort us and bless us each step we take and I am so grateful for that. There are good days and bad days/ that constant roller coaster but the last few days have been quieter and we will take that as I am sure we will have a few more bumps. Hopefully Eric can get rest also through the night.

Quiet Day...

Today has been pretty quiet, Eric has now been placed round the clock on the morphine pump controlled by the patient and he definitely is entering the painful days they told us that are ahead, His mouth has so many sores and his throat that he can not even swallow water or his pills, so they placed all his medications now through his IV and told me that he will be pretty much in and out like a medicine induced coma. I hate seeing him like this and it is scary to see him so weak but he definitely deserves to sleep so that he can get through the pain and this ordeal.

Today is graft day # 6 they call it (6 days after his transplant date on 9-9-09) and no engraftment yet of the bone marrow but doctors say that is to be expected. Usually engraftment happens within 14-21 days after the transplant day. I can not tell you the peace I feel when I pray to the Lord and ask for strength for Eric , the kids and I. I know he is mindful and guiding each step we take throughout our journey though long he is constantly there. I met a guy today that came to volunteer asking if we needed anything and we started talking. He asked me where we are from and when I told him Utah he said the typical response "Oh are you mormon?" I answered yes and we started a great conversation. It turns our he once was interested in our religion and has studied at one point years ago but I gave him a Book Of Morman and told him to read it and I would love to talk to him more if he would like. It is interesting how people are placed in ones lives, much like we feel about Matt and Jodie Clark.

I can not tell you how comforting it was to know that when I was gone they were there with Eric and helping him. They are amazing people and I just can not believe how well we have bonded and we feel like we have known them all our lives, It is comforting to be able to talk and share emotions with someone who has traveled the same road you are on and recovered. I hope someday we are where they are now and back happy as a family and that we can pay it forward to others for all of their love and support! I also can not get over all the love and support from all around the world we have felt, home, here in Texas, friends, family and community and the brotherhood and sisterhood law enforcement! Words will never be enough to express my deep love and appreciation to all of you!

Someday, some way you will be in need and I hope I as well as many others do what you have done for us! I know that we will live our lives each day as the gift it is and pay it forward! I also can not help but think about the donor and that he is probably on the up swing of feeling better right now ( I hope) and back to his life but knowing that he just saved another person's life. I wonder what that feels like? How amazing he is and how it feels to know what you have done? Donor we love you and can not wait to meet you face to face and let you know of our appreciation! May God Bless you and your family!

I feel like I ramble on the blog and I apologize to any of you! I just kind of start writing like a journal and it seems to go on and on....I want all of you to know Eric loves, loves getting your emails, letters and cards. It is neat to be able to sit by his bedside and read them to him and even though at times he is to weak to speak he gives this smile and I am able to know what he feels and means! Eric is an amazing person, full of laughter, joy fun and so much love for his family! The other day while I was gone he sent me an email at 5:20am in morning telling me how much he loves and appreciates me and thanking me for being his wife. I am the lucky one! :)

A few ok days...

Well sorry for the delay on updated the last few days....I flew home as a surprise to see my kids and be there for the fundraiser Saturday for Eric. The Clark's Jodie and Matt were so nice to stay each day with Eric so that I could go and see the kids. It made it so I did not have to worry as much for days (even though I called his nurse over 10 times everyday).

I was so glad and grateful to be home with the kids for a few days, recharge all of our batteries- a little emotional boost but I can not tell you how happy I was to walk in Eric's hospital and see him!! I missed him so much, he looks so much thinner! He said that he lost 14 pounds in one day of the fluids once they put him on the Lasek drug to help him get rid of all the fluids he was bloated with. Then the next day he lost another 5 pounds, so now from his start weight entering in the hospital and he has not been eating for 2 weeks, nausea,etc. he has lost 15 pounds! (I wish I could lose 15 pounds but not the way he is doing it!)

He had a few ok days, his fever has went away now and but still really weak and tired. He wouldn't really walk much while I was gone, to weak although he did get up a few times with Matt and Jodie (just not the 3 times a day like they want him to do) but that is ok we will work on it- he is doing good! I was happy to hear that today he has been more awake, last few days he slept pretty much all day but today is a pretty good day so far. His tests results have all came back negative for any additional infections however his p[pneumonia and fungus infection is still the same. Good though that it has not worsen but they want to see it getting better.

The doctors say that they are glad his fever has went away that is a good sign. He has developed pretty bad mouth sores and doesn't want to even swallow water to take his pills. They said they will increase morphine now for the pain so I guess he will probably start sleeping even more now like he was before I left. That is ok whatever he needs to do to get through this and not be in pain. I am so thankful to the Lord for allowing me to be his wife, for the blessing he continues to give us and the strength and comfort. It is not easy everyday and some days it's a constant roller coaster of emotions but today is a good day and I am just going to be thankful for that!

What an AMAZING DAY!

Today was the most amazing day!!! I can not express in words how much we love and appreciate EVERYONE!!! :) Today back home was Eric's fundraiser put on by his law enforcement brotherhood and sisterhood- WOW it was so touching!

I wish Eric could have seen how many people love him! It was so touching, I cried when I saw the lines and lines of law enforcement officers on their motorcycles starting out the ride in Eric's honor. What an amazing group of people!!! Then all the friends, neighbors, ward members who came as well. It was so emotional for me to see how many people care. We have really wondered but after today I can not say that anymore! We felt the love and support! I called Eric to tell him about everyone there and this is exactly what happened. I told him "Eric you should have seen how many people love you, how many people were there to support you! There was I swear at least 100 police officers and motorcylces riders what an amazing honor." There was nothing but silence I said"Eric are you there?" Are you okay? He faintly whispered while crying " Yes I am here, I just can't beleive how many people care about me?" I said " They do Eric they really do, they love you" He wishes he could have been there. I wanted to tell him more but he was to weak to talk very long, he needed to rest.

I can't wait to show him all the pictures and videos, it was amazing! The power of people coming together to show love and support- I do not know if everyone knows how much this means to us, mostly Eric it boosted his spirits today. Thank you everyone, we will never be able to say it enough we just hope we get the chance to pay it forward!

Eric had a pretty good day, he slept alot/rested, he has nausea still can't eat but he drank a N-Life which is like Ensure drinks with alot of nutrition but fruit flavored like a juice. He didn't like that much , had to get more nausea medicine. No fever today it finally broke so that was good but we still do not have the results back from the additional tests to see if Eric has another infection or if this is from his pneumonia, or current fungus infection in his lungs.

They have him on a constant drip of Lasek to help him get rid of all the fluids that he is retaining from them pumping them into him, he lost 14 pounds in 2 days from just the fluids once they put him on this drug drip. We thank the Lord for his continued guidance and love, helping us with each difficult step. We know it is with him all things are possible and continue to have faith in him. I feel the comfort and peace, in the dark moments when we get a boost of faith, we are blessed. I have to make sure we remember that and recognize that. I know Eric will beat this, as our good friend Matt Clark said in Eric's blessing, Eric will be given strength he will be able to "Climb his way out step by step." It won't be easy but he will make it! I am honored to be Eric's wife and eternal companion, what peace that brings me!

Rough Night.....

Eric had a restless, rough night. The past 3 nights he not been able to sleep at all due to he can't breath very well so he sits up alot in the bed and up all night. Despite they have placed him on oxygen, he is still having alot of trouble breathing. He has ran a fever 101.3 for the last 10 hours, they are quite worried about it. They say it could be a sign of infection or tied to his infection we know in his lungs he already has, the fungus infection, and pneumonia.

The doctors are taking him down this morning before they meet for a chest x-ray/ cat scan to look at his lungs and determine if it has worsen or a new problem. Eric's nurses say the doctors were called about his fever and breathing twice last night and have grown increasingly concerned. I pray that Eric's fungus infection has not became worse or his pneumonia, or a new infection. These things are so critical and can cause alot of issues and problems.

I wish Eric could get some sleep and have his breathing and fever get better. He has still constant nausea and pain, they have him on a schedule getting the nausea meds and morphine. I am asking everyone although I am sure many of you already are to please continue to pray for Eric. Pray that the doctors will be guided and know what they need to do, that his infections and pneumonia/fever can get better, breathing get better, that he may get some peace and comfort and be able to finally be able to sleep after three nights of being up.

I know that is seems or some of you might have thought the worst is over due to that he had his transplant, but really that is just the beginning. That was the easy part- the next weeks and months are so critical to Eric's health and if his body can allow it to graft. Our journey although seems long has just really started. I know the Lord hears my prayers but I also know that it is thy will not mine. That is the part that is scary for me, I have faith but I also know that just because you have faith does not mean it goes how you want it to go. I pray that I may be strong and have positive reinforcement, for Eric and the kids. I am trying to "doubt not, fear not."

I just love Eric so much and can not imagine my life without him, he really is the glue to our family, he is so funny and happy usually all the time, so positive. I know he tells me he is better than he is because he doesn't want me to worry more, he is just that way not wanting anyone to worry about him. I love Eric so much, I wish I could make him better, I would take his cancer for him if I could. Please continue to pray for him!

9/9/09 Lucky Day!

Well they say that 9/9/09 was predicted as a lucky day and we think so- Eric had his transplant yesterday 9/9/09!! It will be an easy date to remember as his "2nd Birthday".It went pretty well at the end Eric started vomiting, chills and trouble breathing they had to place him on oxygen and give him morphine to settle him down and then he slept through the rest of it but other than that it went good.

I asked Eric what it felt like he said that it was a really weird feeling kind of hard to put into words but that he felt like warm flashes/ flushes kind of like when you are sick with a fever and you break a fever. He said it was very different feeling but kept thinking of his donor alot. Eric couldn't sleep the night before I think he had so much anticipation and built up anxiety. After the transplant he had a bit of an anxiety attack they said which they say is normal for some patients.I am putting a picture of Eric after the transplant when he was having chills and placed on oxygen ) I think it's just cause you realize the importance of the transplant and it has been built up so much right up to getting it- alot of emotions.

The color of the bone marrow was interesting, the doctors and nurses say it always looks like this. It look like V-8 juice/ tomato soup creamy color but thick. ( I put a picture of it on here for everyone to see)It was an amazing process to watch and alot of emotions as well. Now the waiting and handling the bumps in the road, alot of milestones obviously this was a big one. They said that the next thing will be trying to get control over Eric's pneumonia, fungus infection on his lungs. About 7-10 days after the transplant ( so about Wednesday 9/16/09) Eric will be getting pretty bad with extreme stomach pain and nausea, etc., they say that is a hard and that continues for about 3 weeks or so until the bone marrow hopefully starts to graft into his body and make marrow.

The hospital Chaplin came in right after his transplant to pray with us, we thanked the Lord for the donor and his sacrifice and unconditional love. We asked the Lord to continue to help Eric with strength to get through this journey, to bless our children while we are gone and thanking everyone who has helped us is so many ways and supported us. We are indeed grateful for the modern day medical miracles that can save ones life. We hope and pray for the continued guidance from the Lord....

P.S. Thanks to the Young Woman Leaders of our home ward Val Verda 1st Ward for the cute ballons they sent to Eric- I put a picture on of them! :)

Transplant tomorrow!

I just wanted to update everyone....so Eric's donors marrow will land in Texas and be transported to MD Anderson during the middle of the night tonight the doctors said. So in the morning at 9am Eric will have his bone marrow transplant! :) I can't wait I am nervous but also filled with excitement and wanting to just start this road so we can get onto the end of this journey and home to our kids!

The Infectious Disease and Eric's other doctors came in his room about an hour and half ago and said they received back his tests results and along with the pneumonia Eric does have a fungus infection on his lungs. Not good but they say this is common when you have your immune system wiped out and no infection fighting white cells to protect you, they have placed him on additional anti fungal medications IV and oral and hope to get a hold on it. They said it won't go away quickly over 2-3 weeks but they at least know what we are dealing with now.

As for today Eric had a good day! :) It has been so nice to see him peacefully sleeping (from the morphine drip) no vomiting, fever gone, no extreme stomach pain....It is the feeling you get when you bring home your newborn child and watch them sleep peacefully in their bed. I again am so grateful to his donor, what an act of love and kindness and I know someday we will get to express that to him! Until then I call him "DONOR" (sorry I wish I knew your name) but you will forever be a part of our hearts and we will never be able to express how much we love and appreciate you!!!

Well it is a big day tomorrow so I am going to try to get some sleep like Eric is....first though a prayer to Lord thanking him for all our many blessings, the tender mercies we have felt and for guiding us through this journey and most of all for the comfort and peace he brings us in our dark, hard moments of weakness. I have always had a strong habit of prayer but I have become so much more closer to our Savior and know I can not ever do anything without him and my testimony. If my children learn only one thing from all this trial, I hope it is to never turn from the Lord that he is ALWAYS, ALWAYS there for us and will carry us when we think we can't do it alone.

In a book I read called "Hard Time and Holy Places" by Kristin Warner Belcher she says; Quote: " Trials and difficulties can, if we let them, become holy places- places where we can feel the power of the Atonement in our lives. Our struggles can be consecrated to our good and growth, and you and I can become more like Christ." Goodnight......Chelsea and Austin Dad and Mom love you so much and are so proud of you! Look we have made it through 2 weeks......we are doing it! :)

Update on Eric's Bone Marrow Transplant...

Well we were just told by the nurse that Eric's donors marrow has still not arrived from the plane flight from where he lives, so they said the plane doesn't arrive here with the donors bone marrow until 8pm tonight so likely that his transplant will be pushed to the morning then. So looks like tomorrow morning he will get his transplant but the doctors are coming any minute to his room to talk to us so I will keep everyone posted.

This adds to our speculation that Eric's 39 year old male donor is from out of the country because the nurses told us if it was in states it is usually flown in the night before but out of the country because of the long flight its the following day. Exciting and scary all at the same time!

My thoughts are so many, kind of like the rush of excitement and nerves when you are having a baby...you are excited but also nervous! I can not stop thinking of the donor and how grateful I am and prayers to Heavenly Father with gratitude and thankfulness that the donor was found and willing to do all this for us! I know I have said it before but I just can't wait to meet him and tell him how much we love and appreciate him! What an amazing day that will be.

I also know that not only do we have the prayers of so many back home, family, friends, loved ones, Eric's law enforcement brotherhood and co- workers but also here in Texas the amazing people we have meet. The Clark family to whom I am so thankful to have meet and feel like they are family! We miss you Clark kids, we feel like you guys are nieces and nephews to us- we miss you! Oh and Pebbles too! :) The amazing Baybrook Ward whom with open arms has loved and welcomed us as if we were part of their ward- and we feel we are! The wonderful friends and bonds that we have made- Debi, Carmen, Dawn, Nancy, Alisa, the Young Women's Leaders of Baybrook,Alisa's Seminary class, gosh so many I can not name everyone. I can not begin to express my love and appreciation for everyone! Thank you! I know we are really just beginning this journey but the unconditional love is overwhelming to us! We also know that on the other side of the veil many are supporting and praying with us, especially Eric's Dad we feel him with us, we know he is there guiding us as well with the Lord!

Big Day is Tomorrow...

Well today started out rocky but the rest of the day went pretty good...we still do not have all the answers about the possible infection Eric has but they have done about 7 different tests and we should hopefully have some answers soon. Mean while the pneumonia the same he has been getting antibiotics as well as the fever has broke and now in the 98's which is good.

I feel like all I ever do it put negative and bad stuff on the blog but after all this blog was set up to follow and update Eric's journey through his bone marrow transplant. Usually there is not alot of happy things during this kind of a process to post but I just feel it important to note that I am trying to be as positive as I can through out all of this journey. It is hard sometimes though.

Eric has been doing well so far so good today....no vomiting, no headaches, fever broke, no stomach pain. Over all a good day he slept alot of it with the constant morphine drip but that is a good thing. As long as he gets rest that is all I want. It is 11:15pm and so far still good Eric is fast asleep....I am so excited for tomorrow. It Eric's 2n d Birthday!! New bone marrow, new start.....

Bad Night....

Eric had a really bad night and morning, worst time yet! He is in extreme stomach pain, they had to double the dose and now have him on constant morphine. The pain is unreal, I have never seen someone in that much pain and suffering- it's so heartbreaking. Very hard to watch! He has what they called Nader out- he is at complete 0.00 he has no immune system at all!

They have placed him on higher isolation and watch now, we have to wear complete head to toe protection. Gowns, gloves and mask at all times in his room. He was having such a good day yesterday until about 9pm he started getting his cough really bad, then all of the sudden extreme vomiting, diarrhea, stomach pain that he was in tears about. He kept telling the nurses and doctors the stomach pain is so bad, he has never felt it like this. He describes as someone pouring bleach/ acid in your stomach and punching you over and over again in the gut. The doctors said it's cause his stomach lining is being sluft off, it's coming all off -the lining of his stomach and the etreme pain is from that and the rawness.

The doctors and nurses say that the chemo is taking more effects in him, that this pain will continue for weeks and get worse before it gets better so they are placing him on constant morphine drip. He finally stopped throwing up, diarrhea, pain around 3:15am this morning.Fever has been spiked and continues to hold at 103.4 They are concerned about additional infections, they are running additional tests. Eric has developed a rash all over his body and head, they are also concerned that this is a fungal infection. They have placed his last day today of chemo on hold until they can get the results from the labs on the blood tests and cultures.

I am so scared about everything going on all the sudden there is so much starting to go wrong. My prayers are pleading with the Lord to get us through this, to get to the transplant tomorrow. I have never seen anyone in so much pain, it is hard to watch and not be able to do anything. I feel as if I am watching them torture Eric and its heart wrenching. I wish I could take this away from him, I pray he will get some kind of break or comfort. I do not know how anyone gets through this! We are waiting for the doctors to come in, I will keep everyone posted. Please, please continue to pray for Eric, he needs all the prayers he can get.

Day of prayer and fast

As I am fasting today along with everyone else I feel an overwhelming sense of peace and comfort. I know this is from the power of prayer and fast, the Lord working his tender mercies on us. Eric had a good night, they gave him extra anti nausea medicine (they mixed 3 together called ABH through his IV) at 5pm last night which did the trick, he has not thrown up yet since then. Nausea yes, won't eat but at least has not vomited.

He also was able to get through his chemo they started at 4am this morning and just ended today with no riggers/shaking/ chills. His fever went down with the additional antibiotics for a little to 100.3 but then spiked this morning again to 103.1 however that is a direct side effect from the chemo this morning they feel.

My thoughts today are many....hopes of strength and peace for Eric, prayers his pneumonia will get better, hopes Nausea will be controlled and rest for him to prepare for the bone marrow transplant Tuesday 9/8/09. Most of all though thoughts about this amazing donor to whom we do not know as of yet but owe so much to. What unconditional love, what an amazing thing he is doing as I have said before he is not just saving Eric's life...HE"S SAVING A FAMILY! I wonder what does he look like, is he married, has kids, what made him do such a act of kindness and love to donate his bone marrow. Did he have a personal experience, did he know someone who needed bone marrow, how did he decide to to this or go on the National Donor List? Does he know how much we love and appreciate him? I can not wait for the day when I can wrap my arms around him and tell him how much we love and appreciate him!

As we have preparing with Eric's chemo and sickness this week for the bone marrow transplant the donor has been preparing as well. Getting Neupogen shots in his stomach, small doses of chemo....how much I think of him as well and what he is going through for us! Donor you are an amazing person whom I will forever be grateful for!

It is bitter sweet this experience on one hand to be at your most utter darkness with despair, begging for help and mercy, sorrow and sadness but then on the other hand to have such a closeness unlike ever before with the Lord and the tender mercies we have encountered. The comfort and peace that he can bring to us, the ultimate sacrifice he paid for us, humbling yet hard all at the same time! I do not know if I could ever really describe it in words exactly how we are feeling I just know I am so thankful for the Lord and the church. I could not imagine bearing this alone without my Savior! My prayers lately have been much more different from the past- much more of life and death , more crying unto the Lord and pleading.

I think one scripture that I have alot in mind today is D&C 78:18 "I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up." As well as John 14;18,17 " I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you...Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, Give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

Eric has Pneumonia..long,hard night and morning!

I am sorry I did not post anything yesterday but we received some bad news yesterday from the doctors and it has been very busy with extra tests and Eric throwing up. Eric has pneumonia now...that is not good especially with no immune system and heading into the transplant on Tuesday. The doctors brought in a Infectious Disease Control Doctor and a Lung Specialist Doctor. They told us that they were worried on Tuesday when Eric started his fever and really bad cough that he had an infection, they did an x-ray Tuesday and started 3 strong antibiotics then they redid the x-ray yesterday morning at 9am and found Eric has pneumonia.

They are extremely concerned due to this can pose additional complications, they have put him on additional medications in hopes to get control of the pneumonia. I asked them if we are still going to do the bone marrow transplant then on Tuesday, they said there is no turning back now it doesn't matter how bad Eric gets or pneumonia, infections he has no immune system and will die for sure if we do not replace someones immune system in him.

I am so scared right now, it's so hard to think that ok we need to just try to be positive and move forward. Eric is a very positive person, anyone who knows him can agree. But it is so hard we were up all night and this morning with him violently throwing up. I started crying cause he looked at me an hour ago and said that he just is so tired, so sick of being sick and in the hospital...He just doesn't want to do this anymore...I don't blame him but I reminded him of all the fun times and memories we have, all the more memories that we are fighting for to have in the future and of our 2 beautiful children that are wanting us to get through this and come home to them.

He is strong but just a little weak in spirits right now but that is okay he is tired and when he is tired we will just pick him up-right? That is what we do, we will be here and give him our strength when he is weak. I am praying and holding onto the Lord's strength....This Sunday is fast Sunday and I would like to ask anyone who could to please fast for Eric not only for his transplant Tuesday 9/8/09 but also now his pneumonia, please bless that he will get better and get through this, pray for strength for his transplant. We realize this is all in the Lord's hands...Lord please hear our prayers. "Look unto me in every thought; doubt not,fear not. -D&C 6:36

Hair is Gone!!! Day 4 of Chemo

Well Day 4 of Chemo and Eric's Hair is gone! The surprise we had for the kids especially Austin is I attached a picture where the other day we shaved the Indianapolis Colts logo "The Horse Shoe" in the back of Eric's head. I am not an artist though so sorry that is the best I could do, Austin told his Dad a few weeks ago " Dad will you shave a Colts logo in your hair for when you lose it" so that is what we did! Just a fun way to deal with losing your hair...

Eric's day went alot like yesterday except now he completely will not eat anything at all! He is really fighting the nausea and doesn't feel like eating anything. He did walk for me today which is good, they want him to keep moving. I pray the Lord will give him strength to get through this...I thought I was ready emotionally to see his hair all gone but I started to cry, it's hard you know. Hard to see the strongest man you have ever known going through so much.

I have been looking at our family pictures, missing the kids alot. I have this picture I am posting of the kids and Eric laughing when we were trying to have them be serious and take a picture of them kissing their Dad. I don't know I just love this picture, it reminds me of how close we are as a family, how much we love the kids, how much Eric makes us laugh...How I hope to have that back again someday!

Day 3 of Chemo....It has hit Eric now

Well first of all I am sorry it has taken a little bit to update the blog but as we knew Eric's effects from the chemo have hit today and not in a good way....He started the day out this morning throwing up in the bathroom, severe headaches, fever still 100.2 so they now have started him on additional antibiotics for the fever.

They are giving him pain medications through his IV for his headaches that within minutes put him into a deep sleep only to wake up within an hour to a severe headache again, so he has been pretty medicated through out the day. He is taking nausea meds Zofran but not holding back the sickness today, Eric has started to now not eat. He doesn't even like me to mention the names of food, gets sick just talking about it so we have stopped eating. The nurses say that they understand not eating but they need him to at least drink for his kidneys and liver, so I am trying to push fluids in him ( not succeeding very well at that though).

When visitors come to see Eric they have to wear a mask and gloves but I have not had to however the nurse just informed me that Eric is dropping with his counts fast and that I need to start wearing a mask and gloves at all times now in the room. They push here to have Eric get up at least 3 times a day and walk around the pod area for at least 10 minutes with his mask and gloves on, he was able to get up 2 times today due to how he felt. We will try for 3 times tomorrow! The surprise for the kids on the blog unfortunately will have to wait for tomorrow due to Eric not feeling well. The LDS missionaries came by and gave Eric a blessing today, that was nice. Hope tomorrow will be better....

Day 2 Chemo....

Well we had day 2 of chemo today...Eric is still consistently running a fever of 100.2 so they are running extra tests and labs to see if he has an infection. Eric's energy has really dropped today he is tired although I was able to get him to at least get a short walk around his pod area with his gown, mask and gloves on done before he laid down after his shower.

Eric is needing 2 units/2 bags of red blood cells so he is getting those transfused in him now each one takes about 3 hours to do. I am posting a picture from this morning of Eric while he was getting his chemo and blood transfusion. As you can see from the picture he doesn't feel well and he has alot of lines/ IV's hooked up to him.

Also a second picture for everyone of the MD Anderson main building/ hospital where Eric is now for visual purpose to see what it looks like. Doing good so far today other than low energy alot and the fever. We are gearing up for it though they tell us that by tonight he should be seeing alot of the sickness and effects of chemo kicking in.

We have a special little surprise for everyone that we will be posting on the blog tomorrow... this is for our kids. Especially Austin he had a special request he told his Dad he wanted....so be sure to check it out tomorrow on the blog! We love and miss Chelsea and Austin so much!!! We know they are being great kids!

We love you guys,
Love Mom and Dad