Update..

Well still we have no news yet about Eric's possible Graft Vs. Host on his legs... we are not suppose to have the results until 1/7/10 (next week). This week has been a little better than last week, Eric has felt a little better I think due to he has slowed down and been able to take naps in the days again. He really needs those to get through the day.

His home health nurse came and did his labs today... his creatinine has done better from alot of fluids and doing the IV treatments each day for 6 hours- it went down to 1.6. Alot better they would like it no more than 1.5. His white cells are doing ok hanging in there at 3.1 and his absolute neutrophils at 2.10 border line there. His red cells are pretty good at 3.24, hemoglobin 11.5 those are good. He has not needed a blood transfusion or platelet for a while- YAY!!!

His platelets are good they went up finally on their own up to 61 which is wonderful since those have been scaring us and were in the 30's again. They thought that chemo he had to do Rutuxian for the EBV virus threw those and his white cells off. All in all a pretty good week so far, we will take it! Eric has been able to rest alot, just having the Christmas holidays home with his family visiting him at home. We are so grateful to be home and have Eric responding right now, we are blessed and thankful for his donor- we can not wait to meet him!!

News Year's is coming up and I really have to say I am looking forward to a New Year! I hope this year is filled with good things, more time with Eric and our family, less health concerns and more blessings! I hope this year brings better things then the past 2 years!

Merry Christmas!!

Merry Christmas!! It has been such an amazing day, one of thankfulness and reflections of all that we have been blessed with and so many wonderful people whom have been so supportive to us during this trial of ours. The best Christmas present we could have - well we do have, Eric home with us!

He has been very tired but doing okay- the last few weeks have been difficult but we are so thankful for our miracles and blessings! Eric has came so far and there was a time when we thought he might not even make it home by Christmas. We are so grateful to the Lord that Eric is still so far responding to his bone marrow transplant, still 99% grafted with his donors cells. We have had a recent scare which we are awaiting the test results - that is part of the reason I have not been able to update the blog the last few days we have been at the doctors so much. We noticed on Tuesday night possible Graft Vs. Host Disease (a rash) on front of both his lower legs. It kind of looks like a raised bump, red, sore to touch, itches a little- it kind of looks like the chicken poxs. We went into this doctors yesterday morning at 9am and we were there until 2pm due to this recent concern, so he immediately sent us over to have some of it cut off Eric's leg to get a biopsy and see if it is Graft Vs. Host Disease. We will not get the results until 1/7/10.

Meanwhile the doctor has started him on medication and steroids for this to try to get a hold of it while we wait for the results. Eric came home yesterday as you can imagine extremely tired from the long ordeal at the hospital as well as we had to do his IV treatment. It is hard to stay focused when every time we turn around and go in there seems to be another hurdle or obstacle in the way but we know the Lord is aware of our struggles and continues to guide us and give us strength.

I want to thank all of you for all of your continued love and support. It has been so amazing to me how much in tune with the Lord you are, how much the Lord touches our hearts and uses us as a tool for compassion, love and support. We have felt that from so many of you and I want you all to know how thankful I am for all of you! Please know there is not a moment, a second that goes by that I do not thank the Lord and thank him for all of you and for the continued love and support!

We have so much to be thankful for, so many blessings! I am so thankful also for Eric's donor again I can't help but feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude! He has given the greatest gift to us, the gift of life- Eric's life. In the December Ensign there was a quote by President Spencer W. Kimball " God does notice us, and he watches over us, But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs. Therefore, it is vital that we serve each other in the kingdom." We have felt this is so many ways and so many occasions. May God Bless Us all not just this time of the year and during the Christmas season but may we all remember this feeling of Christ and his birth and keep it in our hearts all year long.

Day 100 from Transplant!!

Today is day 100 from Eric's bone marrow transplant!! WOW- it has been a long road so far and we are about half way up the hill but grateful to be home before Christmas! Eric has had kinda of hard week this week, his home nurse was only suppose to come in 3 days a week and then we go into his Oncologist doctors once a week. However Eric's white cells having been dropping quite a bit as well as his Creatinine level very high so they had to come all through the weekend starting last Friday to give him IV fluids and treatments here at home as well as Nuepogen shots in his stomach.

His white cells went down to 2.2 which from shots all through the weekend each day by Monday he went up to 5.5 but then Tuesday back down to 2.6 so daily the nurses have came to give shots and IV fluids due to his Creatinine is 1.7. They do not like your creatinine to be more than 1.3 this affects your kidneys and cause alot of concern. I have posted a picture of Eric doing one of his daily IV treatments here at home with the new best friend again " THE IV POLE". He hates being confined to this pole, it takes about 5 to 6 hours to do his IV treatments here at home.

Eric's energy has not been very well this week but I think he has tried to be more awake and not allowing himself to rest and take naps enough so that could be some of the difference as well as his blood counts being low and these Nuepogen shots in his stomach. To give you some perspective just one on these shots he gets a day in his stomach costs $ 1,200.00!! Can you believe that? It amazes me the costs and sometimes seems not right.

We are trying to get ready for Christmas but I have been working so much this week and between that as well as caring for Eric, trying to get some of the Christmas decorations up- we are not even there yet. I get up at 5am get the kids out the door, feed Eric breakfast and his pills, update my work logs then out the door for the day. Usually getting home around 5:30pm-7pm at night and somehow do not get to bed until around 12 midnight due to Eric's IV treatments that start at 6pm each night. Alot going on, it's a busy place at our home right now but at least we are home, right?

I am so proud of Eric he has had a hard long week an half, I know he gets tired easily but he is doing good. I am so grateful to the Lord for him, for my many blessings, for Eric and his donor, my children, my warm home, food on the table, just a chance to be all under one roof and be a family again!

Twas the week before Christmas...

Twas the week before Christmas and all the through the house
I finally hung up the stockings, set up the tree and placed the Nutcrackers out
It seemed like a task one that seemed not so fun
However this Christmas is such a special one

Although we just came home from the journey of our life
So much still to do and worry about at night
The real meaning of Christmas is so much more clear
Christ and his birth, the blessings we share, Eric alive and anonymous donor this year

So without much more delay, I have placed all the decorations up
Hoping we can make it a Christmas to remember with a special touch
I know it will be as we are now under one roof

Soon all the children will be nestled in bed
Dreaming of Santa and what he will bring
However we have already had our Christmas presents complete
The blessings the Lord has provided, our family
Oh what a treat

Please forgive me a writer I am not
Just a Wife and Mom who is grateful for her blessings
What Santa has already brought
A Christmas to remember, my family all under one roof
So sugar plums will not be what dances through my head this year
Rather a grateful heart, a blessing that Eric is here!

I am not a writer so to those of you whom are I apologize! As you can tell I finally set up all the Christmas decorations and tree. Not all my decorations but most of it. I now know why Eric would tell me every year, stop buying more decorations, there is SO MUCH TO SET UP! He was right, without his help I quickly realized that! I feel bad that I was struggling a little bit last week and not wanting to set up anything. I think I was just tried, the thought that the last hardest 5 months I think we have had to do as a family being for nothing and having to go back down and do it all over again seemed so overwhelming.

I am grateful that the pathologist was wrong and the DNA tests confirmed Eric is still 99 % grafted with his donors cells. The reality of it is that the next 2 to 3 years will be like this, ups and downs, agonizing over tests results and the fear that he will reject his donor. I do know however that the Lord has and will continue to bless us through out the remainder of our journey.

This Christmas we are not able to do much but at least we are home with Eric responding. All under one roof, a family again- the best Christmas present anyone could get! We realize we have received the most precious and amazing gift already for Christmas that money can not buy. Eric's donor whom saved his life, gave up his bone marrow to a complete stranger, unconditional love. Donor you are amazing and we are so grateful and blessed, thank you for saving my husbands life! We can not wait to meet you but please know that you are in our thoughts every second of the day, you are amazing and the gift of life you gave is a overwhelming thing! Please go to this beautiful and amazing video as a reminder Do you have room for the Savior? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vStl9PXWtiw It is such a beautiful video with such a wonderful reminder of the reason we celebrate Christmas. I love this video! (Thanks Colleen! :)

CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!!!! What a BLESSING!

We received an early Christmas present and CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!!! Eric's doctors called and the DNA tests results came back- ERIC IS STILL 99% GRAFTED WITH HIS DONOR"S MARROW!!!!!!!!!! I can not put into words the feeling we feel right now, such a blessing from the Lord, such a relief! We all started crying so hard! Eric started crying and said "I have been praying so hard and knew the Lord would continue to bless us and help us with whatever the news was, now we can enjoy Christmas and being home as a family!" He is right!!

Chelsea and Austin both were not home yet. Chelsea called to tell us she was on her way home from decorating for the Christmas Dance at her school when we told her on the phone- she started crying so so hard and said Daddy I am so happy! Then we picked up Austin in the car and told him and he yelled " YESSSSSSS!! I knew Heavenly Father would help us more!" It is amazing the roller coaster we have and continue to be on, we know the Lord has his plan and we just need to try the best we can to embrace it! We realize that our journey will continue with ups and downs but pray for strength and peace as we fight to keep Eric with us.

Our good friend Jodie Clark reminded us that going through this week and the horrible news that hit us not even a day into being home will be another blessing and reminder of how blessed we are, how much our Father in Heaven loves us and that we are going to continue to be so grateful, so grateful for where we are as to where we have been and what can change in a matter of a moment!

I feel so bad for breaking down this week, I never wanted anyone to think that I am not grateful and that I don't have faith. I do have so much faith in the Lord, I know with him all things are possible! I think I just was so tried from the late flight no sleep, caring for Eric and working and then the bad news that hit- it was just all to much at once! I remember thinking " Please Lord we just got home, please we are just starting to try to be a family again! "Doubt not, fear not" That ran through my mind all week long as I tired to fight off the fear of the unknown. We have been blessed so much and I am eternally grateful to the Lord!

Eric talked to me last night and told me I am to hard on myself and that I have not broke down once, I have been positive this whole way through- his strength and that I deserve to break down and cry for a few days. I needed to let it out so I can process the news and come to grips with it and then get back on the positive path we were on! I love and appreciate him so much and I am honored to be his eternal companion and take care of him! He is an amazing man with such courage and strength- I have always known that! Our good friends the Clements and Eric convinced me that we need to out up the Christmas tree and decorate so they are so wonderful they insisted and are coming over today to help me put the tree up- thank you guys! I am so grateful for your love and support, encouragement we are so blessed to have so many of you whom love and care for us!

I want to bear my testimony that the gospel is our truest foundation, the Lord and the blessings that we can receive if we follow his example and the teachings of our scriptures and prophet are what will bring us peace and happiness in our lives. The tender mercies of the Lord whom wants to comfort us when we are in our darkest moments are such an amazing and powerful blessing! I am sooo grateful to the Lord for giving me these trials as hard as they have been to help me grow and learn and become closer to him. I am grateful for the promised blessings that we have and the honor to be trusted and blessed to be Eric's eternal companion and by his side every step of the way. I am grateful for the Lord entrusting me with my two wonderful children whom it is my greatest responsibility to teach them, love them and make sure they know of our Father in Heaven's blessings and I honor that and know with him all things are possible. I am so thankful for the scriptures and the power of prayer, for the Lord giving me the strength and courage to get through this and I will strive every day to be what he wants to be.

Waiting for you, Praying for you..Please come home

It has been a very hard past few days. We had Chelsea's surprise 16th Birthday Party and that was alot of work to pull off but it was good. It was bitter sweet and was very hard to get through. Chelsea and her Dad crying, I was crying alot of feelings and worry kept surrounding us that maybe this was the last Birthday Eric would be at. You try not to think that way but with emotions running so high, the recent news it has been hard to be focused.

I wanted to share something that Chelsea gave her Dad. I wish I could put the actual song on for you to hear it in person. It is so beautiful and sad all at the same time. She gave her Dad this song and told us that she listens to it alot and before she knew we would be coming home before Christmas she was going to send this song down to Texas to him. When Eric and I heard it we all just started crying so hard, it really seems to fit us and how we feel right now. Here are the words:

A photograph, a blanket, some mistletoe, confetti snow
An Angel to put on a tree
Santa Clause in crayon to make you smile today-
While your so far away

So I'm sending you a little Christmas wrapped up with love
A little piece, a little light to remind you of
I'm waiting for you, praying for you Daddy
I wanted you to see
So I'm sending you a little Christmas until you come home to me.

Some gingerbread, a candy cane, a stocking I made with your name on it
I filled it with your favorite things
A way to say I love you
Like Kisses through the air
Hoping you'll feel me there

So I'm sending you a little Christmas wrapped up with love
A little piece, a little light to remind you of
I'm waiting for you, praying for you Daddy
I wanted you to see
So I'm sending you a little Christmas until you come home to me.

Home into these arms of mine
Home where you belong
Please Daddy Come Home to me

It is hard to see her so upset and longing for it all to be ok. I think this is the hardest part for me, not only do I have to watch the man I love suffer but also my two children. I have to sit and watch and I can not fix it for any of them. I want to be strong, I am trying to be strong but some days are harder than others. I worry "What if ?" " How will we do it?"
I usually love the holidays and Christmas is my favorite usually.
I love to decorate but I have not desire to do it this year.

If you look at my home there is no Christmas lights on, no decorations on the porch, no tree
Nothing I just don't feel like it's the Holidays, I don't even have the energy to do it.
I think a part of me is afraid, afraid if I put up the tree, put up all the decorations
What if this is our last Christmas together, almost as if I can stop Christmas from coming but I know I can't.

I know some of you are all probably saying right now, what is wrong with her?
She needs to be positive, she needs to have faith. I do have faith and I am positive but sometimes you just need to be able to vent how you feel, forget about being strong for everyone and just be selfish for a brief moment and try to embrace and process what you feel inside without worrying about being strong for Eric, strong for the kids. I just need to fall apart for a few days and I will pull it all back together, I am just so tired of being the one who needs to be strong.
I have had to be the Mom, Be the Dad, work and try to pay some of the mounting medical bills, clean the house, care for Eric and on top of all that pretend that it's all okay.
I was told "If you guys need to do the transplant again, that is what you will do. You guys will just dig deep and do it!"

I feel like we have dug deep, deeper than we have ever dug before. I feel like we have reached farther than we have ever done, had walked the path that seemed to be laid down before us with unknown faith, that faith of a mustard seed. I know the Lord is guiding us and will provide us strength but I think I guess I am just tired. Listen to me, I think I am tired. What about Eric, how tired do you think he is? Selfish moment, selfish thought. I think I will get to sleep now I have a long day tomorrow.

Horrible News- PLEASE PRAY FOR US!

I can not believe we have not even been home for a day and we received some horrible news. It is with a very heavy, heavy heart that I regret to inform everyone that we just received a phone call from Eric's Doctors at MD Anderson, they received Eric's 90 day mark bone marrow tests results back and he his cancer has relapsed, his cancer is back! I can not believe this is happening- not again, not so soon.

They say that the pathologist is reading that Eric's transplant didn't work and he has relapsed, that his cancer is back. They said that we need to probably do another bone marrow transplant using a different donor. I am so overwhelmed right now, crying pleading to the Lord Why, Why again?

I am begging, pleading with all of you to please pray for Eric, please pray that they are wrong. The board of doctors reviewed the results and talked with the pathologist and they said our only hope is to hope and pray that maybe the EBV virus Eric had and the Rutuxian chemo has thrown some things off, they sent for more extensive tests results rushed that will tell us if in fact the donor cells are not working in Eric anymore and confirm if he has for sure relapsed and if we need to fly back and do another bone marrow transplant. Even though they rushed those tests unfortunately his doctors said that it will take about a week before we have those results. So for now we are to stay home and wait for the results in a week. Please, please Lord don't let this be happening again, please we just got home. Please pray for Eric, please everyone pray and fast this week. I pray the Lord's plan will be what I so desperately want for our family! I don't want to have to tell the kids, I don't know if we are strong enough to do this all over again- we just got home.

It's Chelsea's 16th birthday tomorrow - how do we tell her this and try to celebrate her birthday, how could she possibly have a good birthday now. We tried this whole time to just get her Daddy home for her birthday....please pray for us- we need it!

Coming HOME!!!!

YEAHH!! We are coming home!! We fly home tomorrow night, we are so excited! We have to leave to the hospital MD Anderson at 6am and we will be there all day for them to do Eric's IV fluids and treatment, give Eric a blood transfusion to help him for the flight home. We then will finish up around 5pm and will be leaving from there straight to the Airport.

Bitter sweet as we are so excited to go home and be with our kids and back in our home but also sad to leave all our wonderful friends we have made here in Texas , a little scared for the future. I want all the Baybrook Ward members to know how much we love and appreciate ALL of you! Your friendships, emails and words of encouragement, prayers on our behalf and fasting, bringing in the sacrament to Eric, rides to and from the hospital, help with air miles/ buddy passes to fly the kids down, love and support. We are in awe of your unconditional love and we are so grateful. Please know you and what you have done for us will NEVER be forgotten! What true examples of a "WARD FAMILY" and what the Lord wants us to do to our fellow men.

Matt and Jodie Clark and the Clark family WE LOVE YOU! You wrapped your arms around us from the start as if we are family and never looked back! We love you and appreciate ALL YOU DID FOR US! Your love, support and generosity was so amazing and we will never be able to thank you enough! You have become part of our hearts and we will always have you there and hope to continue our wonderful friendship! You said it best when you Jodie as a bone marrow transplant survivor yourself said that you know exactly what we are going through, how hard it is, how difficult the process can be and know what we need before we ourselves knew and for that we are grateful!

To Eric's mom Joleen who sacrificed the last 4 months of her life, putting her own life on hold and moving in our home with the kids and caring for them- THANK YOU! We love you so much and as you said "that is what family is suppose to do, this is what family does when you are fighting for your life!" You are right and we will be eternally grateful for all of your UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND SUPPORT! You are amazing and we will always be so grateful! We tried to make this trial and journey to have the least impact and hardship on our kids Chelsea and Austin. It was so important for us to be able to leave them in the best care possible, to give them the most normalcy we could give them - with the hope that they would not be affected as much. It meant so much to know we could focus on what we needed to Eric's health and saving his life without having to worry about the kids and if they were being cared for and safe. You a true example of a mother's true love for their children, a mother who would do anything at all costs to help their child in a time of need. WE LOVE YOU!

As we all know the next 2-3 years will be a long process and we are not our of the woods yet! We have faith and know that with the Lord we will continue to get through this, we know of his love and we will finish this journey! The Lord has blessed us so much, given us so much to be thankful for and we recognize his hand in all things! We are so grateful for Eric's donor as well and can not wait to meet him and show our gratitude. We will be back to Texas soon, we have to fly down every three months for on going follow up care along with Huntsman and Eric's doctor's at home Utah Cancer Specialists daily appointments. We can not wait to be HOME!

Na Na Na Na..Hey, Hey , Hey Your're Going Home!

Na Na Na Na...Na Na Na Na Hey, Hey Hey Goodbye... Na Na Na Na Hey, Hey, Hey You're Going Home! That is the goodbye song that Eric had sung for him from the nurses as they clapped and cheered while they put his graduating 100 days post bone marrow transplant ribbon on!( I'm putting pictures on of the nurses singing and cheering for Eric) It was the prettiest SONG I think I have ever heard in a long time! Those words have never meant so much! I can not believe it we are here but yet today we had a hard reality reminder that this is really just the beginning of a long journey.. as we were told today in Eric's last survivor ship discharge class the hard part of the transplant although tough was not the biggest hurdle, the next 2 to 3 years will be the most crucial and defining on if your transplant was a success.

As we sat in the class, there were 3 other bone marrow transplant survivors with their caregivers (wife's) learning about all the restrictions and new life we will have to lead in order to survive our transplants. It was so overwhelming, the doctor warned us the day before that this class would be overwhelming and some what scary to hear what we will experience and have to face over the next crucial 2-3 years but I do not think I could have been prepared for all of it. I find myself feeling a little uneasy, scared to bring Eric home now. I almost wanted to say maybe we are not ready to go home, maybe we need to stay here in this sterile and clean world with all the medical team surrounding us. I thought just getting the house ready and Eric's environment was our big obstacle but really it is so much more.

First off Eric's food all has to be cooked at a certain temperature, even his deli meat for example for just a sandwich has to be cooked. He can not eat certain things, no soft skin fruits or veggies, no crowds or groups, no church, needs to wear a mask at all times, always needs to wear sunscreen all over his body all year long, the days up at Bear Lake short sleeve shirt sitting on the boat and beach are gone- LONG SLEEVE SHIRTS AT ALL TIMES- FOREVER! No digging in dirt, no yard work, no mowing lawn for at least 2 years. No vacuuming or being near the vacuum when on, no dusting or even being in the room when someone is dusting. Can not be near standing water, no plants or flowers in doors, no real Christmas trees. We have to get Eric a medical ID braclet that he will wear at ALL times saying that he is a bone marrow transplant survivor and that he needs special care, listing his transplant date, blood type and restricitions.

From the chemo and transplant Eric is at high risk from the sun to develop and activate Graft Vs. Host or skin cancer so this is extremely important. Eric has this whole time not been allowed to wear his contacts and had to wear his glasses due to the high risk of infections, he will not be able to wear his contacts for at least 6-8 more months until he is off some of the immune suppressed anti rejection drugs. Then they explained to us the that 80% of transplant patients develop shingles and that 60 % of transplant patients develop Graft Vs. Host as some point. You are at the most risk for this the first 2-3 years after your transplant and the especially crucial time is 2-3 months period when they start to slowly take you off some of you immune suppressed anti rejection drugs- that is as they called it " a really scary time". This will be in about 6-8 months from now.

The list goes on and on and as Eric and another survivor in the class said " So we pretty much we are bubble boys- we can't live life." So many restrictions, so much more to worry about. It is very overwhelming and I think a bit disappointing considering he has been couped up and already so isolated and restricted. This is going to be so hard. I am posting a picture of one of Eric's good friends he met here who also is going through his bone marrow transplant. We bonded so much with him and his mom, when we wouldn't see him we would worry that he was back in the hospital. His name is Patrick from Orlando, FL he is 38 years old with the exact same rare cancer as Eric MDS/ Myleodisplastia. He is not married and has no children, he has been dealing with his cancer since 2007. This is his second bone marrow transplant- the 1st one did not take and he developed Graft Vs. Host in his gut which almost killed him. He first had Lymphoma which he did the 1st bone marrow transplant for then it turned into MDS what Eric has and now the second transplant.

As Patrick said "It's going to be hard Eric not to see you anymore, everyday here- I am going to miss you guys!" We will miss him to but we will keep in touch and will be praying for him also. Patrick was set to go home a week after us on 12/17/09 however on Thanksgiving was hospitalized with Graft Vs. Host in his intestines now, they are treating him now with drugs that so far he is responding to. You see this is the life we live and will continue to live. Much like the past 7 years we have been living in fear, worried from day to day what each blood test would show next, worried if anything would work for Eric. It looks like the next few years will continue to be more of the same.

I am sorry if I sound a little negative but I just think today it has been a really hard day. It's hard after all this we have been through, after all the dark days and fighting to stay alive and you hear someone tell you that the fight has really just started and that you are not out of the woods. Despite all of that I know the Lord is there for us and has a plan, I know that with our continued faith that we will get through it. Even with bumps in the road and set backs we all have a purpose, gods plan. It may not be the cure we want but it is what God has in store for us. We all must face our trials and fears with faith and find joy in the journey as hard as that is.

Alot of questions...Are we suppose to go home? Is Eric really ready? Will it be okay? Will the doctors at home be able to always be prepared and looking out for everything they need to? Will they be able to catch things early? I just keep thinking about all the things we have to worry about and it seems so much...I guess this is just a worry thing, I will get over this right? I will close my eyes, get down on my knees and pray to the Lord again for more strength...more help to just get to the next step... more strength to endure what he has in store for us. I know he is there for us, all of us and the power of prayer is an amazing and humbling thing. I pray for his love and strength, I pray that Eric's body will continue to respond and that we will have the comfort we need to get through the rest of our journey.

On The Launch Pad...

We are on the launch pad as Eric's doctors told us today! They are talking about we are actually getting all prepared to come home on Monday 12/7/09!!! Can you believe it- somebody pinch me! I can not begin to tell you how excited we are to come home, to be with our kids again as a family and be HOME! Those words have never sounded so sweet!

We are so blessed from the Lord that Eric is responding to his treatments and his bone marrow transplant. So grateful for his donor and the chance at more time with Eric and us as a family!
So many things we have missed, so many memories, alot has changed for us. Some good and some bad but we are so grateful to be able to bring Eric home! The kids are so excited! We have so much to do though, it has been a bit overwhelming!

We have been doing extra tests, CT scans, Xrays, bone marrow biopsy. We have discharge home classes we have been attending all week to prepare for coming home. I have to get the house deep cleaned, carpets cleaned, blinds and drapes washed, filters changed in the home, all the air ducts cleaned, every inch of the home has to be sanitized and deep cleaned! WOW!! Then there is Chelsea's 16th Birthday a day after we get home, and CHRISTMAS!!! We won't have much of a Christmas but that is OK- it will be CHRISTMAS ENOUGH just to be HOME AS A FAMILY and to have ERIC DOING GOOD!

I feel bad, Christmas is my favorite holiday! I love to decorate as many of you know but especially for Christmas it is SO MUCH FUN! I usually by Thanksgiving have inside and out all decorated with fun lights, trees, decorations but this year obviously I will get back and not have anything up and decorated. I feel bad for the kids and Eric that it won't feel like Christmas at our home this year since I have nothing up and probably won't have time to get it up for just 2 weeks until Christmas. Hopefully they understand but I just can't find the time to do it! I am sure they will be just happy to have Dad home!

It is really weird it doesn't even feel like the Holidays at all to me, I think I have just lost track of time, lost my days and holidays since our life has been on hold with Eric's cancer and his bone marrow transplant. I feel like it still should be summer since we started all this in the summer and have not had a chance to look back.

I can not believe our Chelsea will be 16 years old next week. I feel like it was just yesterday she was 5 years old! They really do grow up so fast! Eric and I were talking about how a few months ago we were not even sure he would be here to see her turn 16. We are so grateful!!! My love and gratitude is so much to the Lord for allowing Eric to be able to have found a donor, recovering and responding to treatment. He is such a miracle, such an inspiration to me and a constant reminder of what courage is. Anytime I feel hopeless I look at him and know that everything will be alright! Our journey is not complete but we are on our way to the next phase and I pray and hope for continued strength and faith. I know the Lord loves us and we will strive to be who he wants us to be and do good in the world.

Soon we will be coming HOME!!!! :) We can not wait to hear those doctors and nurses sing " YOUR GOING HOME!"