Recent Reflections...

Today I find myself reflecting alot lately on several blessings and things that I am so grateful for. The obvious recent trial that if you can believe it or not I am so thankful for...I am thankful for the Lord blessing Eric with more time, better health, a donor whom had unconditional love and saved his life. Recently though I have been reflecting on the hardest past year of my life and what I have gained and lost throughout this trial. One hopes and prays that when and if you have to face such a trial as we have had to that you would have overwhelming love and support... we have had that but we have also lost some relationships throughout this trial that have been extremely hard especially for me. I have lost alot but in turn have gained alot of love and support from new relationships, new bonds for which I am eternally grateful.

I think the hardest part of losing or not having support is the hurt you feel from it and most of all the void in your life but with that being said it has truly caused me to reflect on the Mom and person I am for my children and how I would do anything for them. I would never want them to feel or go through what I have had to endure the past year when you are already suffering and going through so much more pain trying to fight for your husband's life and save him, leaving your children back home feeling like you have abandoned them when you are just trying to save your husbands life and have more time as a family. I love to read the Ensign and I am looking forward to conference coming up in a few weeks, it seems like I always need to be spiritually feed when conference comes around.

There is several articles from the Ensign this month that I love... one that caused me to reflect the most was "What Mothers Can Learn from the Savior" by Amy Morgan. It talks about simple ways that we can be good mothers and draw guidance and support from the Lord. I don't know about alot of you mothers out there but I always feel and know I can do better, I want to be better for my two children. I want them to know that no matter what happens in life, what challenges and decisions they make I will always be there to support and love them, I will always be there to listen to them, guide them and sometimes just let them cry on my shoulder with no real way that I can fix what is hurting them but I am just there to love and listen to them. It gives several points like: Spend time with our children, Pray for our children, Help Our Children Love the Sabbath, Teach faith in Heavenly Father and in His Son, Jesus Christ, Make Time for Teaching and Learning, Remember a Mother's Calling... the one that struck me the most though was Quiet Your Fears with Faith in the Lord.... I can not tell you how much that speaks to my heart! I countless times would pray and ask the Lord " What if this is Eric's time to go and I am left to raise my two beautiful children on my own....Lord I don't think I can do it on my own, I will mess everything up without Eric's help" I would always get a peaceful feeling and thoughts would stream through my head as if the Lord was directly telling me " You are not alone, you can and will get through this, have faith and I will provide you the strength for whatever comes your way" I know that is so true... I would never get answers right away, things wouldn't just magically get better, we still have to go through the trial, I still had to watch my husband at the brinks of death fight his way back step by step until he could walk again but I learned so much about love, strength, life, faith and sometimes just knowing that I couldn't fix this, I can't take this away from my kids, ,from Eric or even from myself but what I can do- is as we all have heard try to find "Joy In the Journey" ..that's not easy when you are watching your eternal companion and children suffer so much. The key is to endure it well...

I will end this somewhat weird blog posting (sorry the Ensign really hit me) with a quote that I think says it all by President Boyd K. Packer " If you are helpless, he is not. If you are lost, he is not. If you don't know what to do next, he knows. It would take a miracle, you say? Well, if it takes a miracle, why not? " I have seen my miracle, I have seen alot of them and I am humbled and grateful. Most of us as mothers know this feeling and I know with the Lord all things are possible. I am so grateful to my two wonderful children whom make Eric and I so proud, we are blessed to be able to be trusted with them from the Lord and I will always strive to be a better mother for them. I love you Chelsea and Austin... it has been the hardest year but I am so proud of who you are and the love and faith you have! I am honored to be your mother!!!

The Results Are In....

We have been waiting for Eric's bone marrow biopsies results and all his tests results which the prelim were in last week but finally his doctors from Texas called us late afternoon yesterday with the final results.....Eric is 100% grafted with his donors cells, no cell abnormalities, no blasts and no signs of cancer!!!! YESSSSSS!!!!!!! We are so happy, in his doctors words " He is right were we want him at, he is doing fantastic!"

We are so grateful to the Lord and for his donor whom has saved his life! As we know its still a long road left of our journey but we are through the worst of it so far and we are so grateful. I am so proud of Eric and how he always has a positive attitude pushing himself to get back to a normal life! What a blessing and miracle to have him doing so well and I couldn't be more grateful!

Back from Texas...

We are back from Texas. We were gone for 4 days last week and arrived home Thursday afternoon. It was a good visit we were able to see our friends the Clark family and visit which was so fun! We had all day testing and bone marrow biopsies, PET scan, CT scan and blood work starting at 5:30am. We finished up for the day around 2:30pm and went back to the hotel to let Eric sleep after such a long day and his hip sore from the bone marrow biopsy.

We meet with his doctors whom stated they are pleased with Eric's progress right now he is where they want him as far as his recovery goes. We asked them on purpose to not call us with the prelim results in a week and to wait for full 2 weeks to have all his final DNA test results back so what happened last time doesn't happen again. We do not want a week of pain and despair like last time from the pathologist reading the blood spears and bone marrow differently when the DNA results confirm the actual results. So we should have the results possibly next week sometime.

Eric has been still doing pretty good, about the same in energy. His main doctor- Dr. Hosing was a little shocked and taken back when she first saw Eric. She walked in the room and the very first thing she said was " Eric you are so skinny and lost more weight? Are you eating?" He really has done better he eats about a meal a day with a few snacks which has been good for him. We are surprised she said that cause he has actually gained back about 10 pounds since we came home in December but he stills is skinny but he looks stronger and not so weak. He feels better and has some of his muscles back in his legs and arms. He even started to work out a little bit the past few weeks on the treadmill, lifting light weights and arm bands strengthening. All in all he is doing pretty good. I am posting a picture of Eric with his main doctor Dr. Hosing. She is such a great doctor, very smart and loves Eric!

Eric's blood counts are ok still holding on... his White Cells did drop down to 3.1 but his Red Blood Cells are good still at the 3.84 and his hemoglobin at 12.3 so that is good. His platelets are holding on at 69 at least stable and not consistently dropping. All in all pretty good, the doctors feel he is doing good so they dropped his home health nurse will only come one day a week with us still going into his doctor office here at home on Friday's. So we are plugging along with Eric's recovery. I am so proud of him, he never complains and has his wonderful sense of humor that makes us all laugh. I am so grateful for him and for his donor who saved his life. I am grateful to our Heavenly Father for all our blessings and the gospel. What peace and comfort it brings to our lives.

I will continue to be so grateful to the Lord for allowing us more time and the blessings we have received. Austin is working on his Eagle project and it has been a project close to our hearts. He has chosen to collect donations, blankets, juices, water bottles, sprite's, crackers for 7 local chemo rooms to help the chemo patients through their difficult journey and treatment. He also will be passing out and educating others on how to become a bone marrow donor on the National Bone Marrow Registry List to save someones life- like his Dad's life was saved. Not many people know the process and how to even be a donor, we sure didn't until our journey. If we can help save someones life and brighten cancer patients than it makes everything all worth it. I am proud of him for deciding this project and wanting to make a difference. Isn't it amazing to see what good can come from trials?

What an amazing reward as a parent and mother to see your children get it, to see them understand how they can make a difference in someones life and to want to pay it forward!!