Day One of Chemo down...

Eric has completed day 1 of chemo....smaller dose today than the rest of the days to start out. We didn't get much sleep we started chemo at 5am but they came in at 4am and inserted another IV to draw blood from. Last week he had surgery and they put a subclavian catheter in his chest as a central line to his heart, it has three ports to hook up all his chemo, blood, transplant cells,etc.

He has alot of tubes coming out of him right now... The nurse just came in and he has started to spike a fever. They have a grade system here and on their scale he is a 37.5 once he reaches 38 they will need to call the doctors and most likely place him on alert and run additional tests.

Eric amazes me as I watch him laying in his bed, the courage he has to face all of this and never complaining. He is a true example of strength and courage to me. I knew the day I meet him he was special and after 17 years of marriage I am more in love with him every day. Is that possible?

The kids called and talked to him tonight , they miss him so much. He started to cry and said that he misses them and wished he could see them. Please continue to pray for Eric, that he will have strength and get through this and feel our love and support. He is truly my hero....

Here now admitted to the hospital...

Well we are here now admitted to the hospital at MD Anderson Cancer Center Room G1062. Eric will start his chemo right in the morning with full body radiation, the nurses said that he will immediately starting being extremely sick by Monday night. It's a very fast acting chemo,it is 3 high dose chemo's mixed. Eric will lose all his hair within 7 days they said.

Eric's schedule will be the next 6 days high dose chemo and radiation, they need to get him completely wiped out at ZERO/ down to nothing. How they describe it they need to bring him to death's door and then hope to rescue him and bring him back through the transplant.

Then they will give Eric a day break/rest, while he is doing this his donor is getting Nuepogen shots in his stomach. Then on Tuesday 9/8/09 that will be Eric's transplant date when he will get his donor's new marrow. They say that is his "SECOND BIRTHDAY" so his nurses say HAPPY BIRTHDAY on that day to him. They call the transplant day Graft ZERO day and then the next day Graft 1 day, etc. until we get to the magical day 100 which is 12/17/09. Which hopefully if there are no complications and bumps in the road- we can come home then.

It's scary we have prepared and talked about this for so long but I am not sure we are really ready... I pray for Eric to have strength, peace and the Lord to bless and watch over him. We start chemo and radiation at 6am in the morning. We miss the kids so much, they are having a hard time. Chelsea was crying this morning saying that it is not fair that everyone has their Mom and Dad home with them and she doesn't, that she wants us home and everything back to normal. Oh how I pray and wish I could give her that, I think we all wish we had our old life back and we were home. Lord please bless and watch over us .....

Bad,bad day! I don't know what we are going to do...

Well today started alot like the last few days we left at 6:15am this morning to come to MD Anderson for Eric's bone marrow biopsies, tests and x-rays to prepare for the transplant. We found out today that they actually went ahead and are using the other donor, the 39 year old male for Eric's donor. When they came down to some final tests they saw that the 27 year was 1 off from a 10 out of 10 match for Eric and the 39 year old was a perfect 10 out of 10. So we are grateful he had the other donor as a back up match....

It is 6:41pm Houston, TX time and we are still here at MD Anderson after all of Eric's long day of tests, bone marrow prep classes and meetings with Social Workers Eric needs to get transfused with platletts so we are still here! Long day and to make things worse we received some devasting news today....

One of the appointments we had today was to meet with the financial office right before we start the bone marrow transplant on Sunday. Of course you would hope saving a life never comes down to money but the sad reality is- IT DOES! We knew that the bone marrow transplant cost for Eric is $500,000.00 and that our insurance company approved his tranplant however our portion was going to be $ 6,100.00....or so we thought!

We were told this afternoon that all the transplant drugs that Eric will be on potentially for the next 2-3 years that are crucial to his survival will cost us over $3,433.00 a month OUR PORTION AFTER INSURANCE for just a 30 DAY SUPPLY!!! Can you beleive that? We were devastated! How can that be? How is this right? It turns out although they approved the bone marrow transplant the prescription drugs under our health plan are not included in that and we have no MAXIUM OUT OF POCKET ON PRESCRIPTIONS!!! Are you kidding me? I just started crying right there in the financial office, I asked them what do people do in these situations? They aplogized and all they said was" We advise people to do fundraisers, what fundraisers first of all who has time for fundraisers when we are fighting for Eric's life here? It seems so devastating, so unfair.

We are already having to pay $ 3,000.00 a month to stay down here in Texas as well as pay all our bills, mortgage, bills, etc back home and now this? I am pleading with the Lord to somehow help us on this, please don't let my husband get this far and die all because of money? I never thought this could happen in our todays world, but I guess I am getting a hard dose of cruel reality! We are devastated......Eric says this is to much, we should just go home instead of all this! He says it's not worth it- I told him "Your life is worth it- you can not put a price on life".

Hardest Thing We've Done...

Well we are here in Texas....we arrived at the home of the most amazing people whom have offered us a place to stay until Eric gets hospitalized later this week. It is good to know there are people in the world that even though they don't know you care about you and what you are going through and want to help with whatever they can. The Clark's have provided us that.. a home enviroment where we at least for a few days until the hospital feel at home.

We had to not only send our two kids off to school yesterday for the first day of school but we also had to do the hardest thing ...say goodbye for 4 months to the kids. It was so hard they were both crying so much and we feel so bad that they have to go through this. It hard for us but I know it must be so much harder on them to not have Mom and Dad around and be able to just be a normal kid. I worry so much about Chelsea she was crying so much....she holds things in a lot but she really had a hard time she just couldn't stop crying....I feel so bad your sophmore school year and high school should be exciting and fun...not sad.

Austin oh how much he loves and idols his hero Dad! He kept crying and hugging us over and over again. He didn't want to let go... I tried to tell him everything is going to be okay, that somehow we will get to the end of this but the truth is I know its hard and that the road we have is unknown and scary...exspecially for the kids. Austin tries to be so strong for us and has taken on so much responsiblity, more than most 13 year olds. I cried and cried for hours at the airport, Eric felt so bad he even said "We can go home?" Typical Eric always thinking about us, of course we can't come home... we have to leave and do this bone marrow transplant.

I miss the kids so much, Eric misses them. We wish we could have done this at home so it would have been easier on them but we needed the best place for a chance to save Eric. We have a extremely busy week we had to be here at the hospital MD Anderson at 7:30am so we left at 6:30am to get here on time and we have tests, bone marrow biopsies, check ups, blood work and meeting with social worlers and doctors. We won't be done here today until 5pm, then tomorrow we have to be back at 6:30am for another full day, everyday is like this until Eric is hospitalized at the end of the week. We are grateful again to the Lord for all of our blessings and know that he is with us guiding us and giving us strength.

Please Lord bless our two children that they will be okay, they are such good kids. Please protect and watch over them while we are gone....

Eric is ok...no bleeding on his brian..

We are busy getting ready trying to get 4 months of things done in a few days....Eric has not been feeling well at all the past week in a half. He is up at nights with extremely bad headaches/pain on the left side of his head. It has been so bad it has kept him up the last few nights all night. His doctor was concerned that he might have bleeding on his brain so I took him down to Lakeview Hospital to get a CT head scan.

Good news though the doctor called and no bleeding on the brain. He thinks the extreme pain and headaches is coming from the medication Eric is on right now. He has to be on all of these medications to try to prevent him from infections and others risks since he is nupogenic and no immune system. For the pain and to help try to get Eric some sleep the doctor has given him Loratab...Eric hates that stuff and all this medicine but if he can get some sleep and not have this pain he says it is worth it.

Eric sleeps alot now, he takes about 4 hour naps in the day and then sleeps through the night (other than lately with the headaches). I wish I could say it should get better but reality is we know at least for the next while it will be worse.

Hard feelings right now, I wish I could explain and put into words how scared and alone we feel but unless you have traveled this same journey I really don't think anyone has any idea. I am sad and disheartened about a few things and ask the Lord why? Why would they act this way and why would they do this at a time like this? Isn't it when you need them the most that they should be there for us? I don't understand if we have to go through this why we have to do it alone but I don't get any answers..... I just pray that I can focus on what I need to Eric and getting him his transplant and that the Lord will find mercy on us and give us the strength to get through it all!

I keep tellng myself they must not understand.....they must have never had something this deep and hard to go through...I don't know sometimes I think maybe it's us...maybe we did something to them and we deserve this. I just keep thinking of the scriptures and all the betrayl and forsaken heart ache and think " Why has though forsaken us?" I know that despite Eric and us being alone that the Lord is there, walking beside us and that somehow, some way, some day we will get through this. I just hope it's soon....

I have been reading alot of books about Faith and the Savior...Currently I am reading a really good book called: When You Can't Do It Alone, Take the Savior's Hand by Brent L. Top. In his book he has a saying that I am holding onto alot right now: " With shared experience can come shared hope and shared strength from learning from each other, by linking arms together and looking to the Lord as the ultimate source of our strength and comfort." " As we thank thee, learn of thee, and trust in the Lord, He will help us-even RESCUE us- so that we may be strengthened by His hand.

Lord here is our hands........

It's Official- Off to Texas....

Its official we are flying out Monday morning 8/24/09 for Eric's bone marrow transplant! Here we go...we are scared but know we need to move forward in order to get our "normal" life back. We are so grateful to Eric's donor although unknown to us at this time we look forward to the day when we can wrap our arms around him and let him know how truly grateful we are!

We are so grateful to Eric's mom who without her I do not know what we would do! Her unselfishness and unconditional love has been overwhelming to us. She is so willing to come and put her life on hold and stay with the kids without a second thought- she amazes me! You really learn alot about people through trying times like these- no one wishes this upon anyone but the acts of love and kindness are amazing.

Eric's work and the law enforcement brotherhood they talk about is something to be seen! They have been so supportive and caring right from the start, asking what they can do and always wanting to do more. They have been doing several fundraisers on behalf of Eric and we found out they are doing a BBQ/ Motorcycle ride on 9/12/09 in honor of Eric. Wow!! Eric would have loved to be there and see all the love and support!!! He is speechless but as you know he would do the very same for anyone!!

Please continue to pray for Eric, for strength to get through the bad days and hope that the marrow will graft into his body and this can be the start of another beautiful chapter in our lives. We have been doing all the "bucket list" kind of things for months as a family; you know the things you want to do just in case! We really have packed in a lot of great memories....oh how I pray the Lord will give us more, more time for those!

We love you all and thank you so much for all the love and support! I will update this often; it kind of is a journal for us now! We pray for comfort on the hard days, peace, and tender mercy from the Lord. This is a hard journey we are starting, sometimes it feels a little alone but pray for the strength to move forward. I hope one day I get to post one final post on this blog that says" We did it!!! Eric is cured!"

Leaving Soon...

Sorry for the gaps in updates, there really has not been much more to update until now. We have just been doing our regular routine, daily nurse comes in, hospital every other day for blood transfusions and slow updates on when the donor is ready. We are leaving soon we found out sometime between 8/17/09-8/24/09. Right before school or the first day of school for the kids is when we will be leaving. They are working with the donor now to firm up his schedule.

That is only 1 to 2 weeks away, I can't believe it. Here we go the long process of finding Eric's donor and getting him ready. I still find myself in awe of the selfless act of love this donor has to do this for someone he doesn't even know, never met yet. How amazing it is that people in the world have such big hearts and courage and how much he has no idea what this means to us. What Christ like love, unconditional love.It's hard to know that we will be gone for the kids first day of school, we have never missed those days, those moments in our kid’s life.

We have always been there, I know they are not little but it still was a big deal to us to be there for them. I remember when Eric was in the hospital with his first cancer Aplastic Anemia, he was not suppose to come home yet but we begged and pushed the doctors the night before school started, we wanted them to have him home for them when they went to first grade for Austin and third grade for Chelsea. We came home at 1:30am in the morning the day of their first day of school just so we were there.

We are happy that his donor is found and the road we need to travel is moving forward but as with any serious step and move in your life we are a little nervous, scared and not exactly looking forward to the road but know it's our journey we need to take, our next step towards hopefully "back to our normal life". Believe it or not we would do anything to get those days back, the running kids around, homework, clean the house, working, and the life we used to have!

Donor Update...mixed feelings

Donor update...mixed feelings though. The good news is they have firmed up 2 donors for Eric! Both are males one is 27 years old and one is 39 years old. They will first use the 27 year old based on age however keeping the 39 year old on the side in case they end up needing him.

We are very happy about that and touched and in awe of the complete blind love a donor must have to become a donor for someone around the world, saving a life without anything in it for them selves. What an amazing and selfless act of love they have to do this. I wonder if they know how amazing they are, if they know they are saving not just one life but a family!!! They are giving us a chance at borrowed time, more love and memories that we are so grateful and desperate for.

Although this road is one we have been preparing for the emotions and uncertainty of it all if so over whelming! We have prayed and waited for this day but at the same time are so worried, scared and afraid for what the future holds however all at the same time we have faith that the Lord is guiding us through this and will continue to help us with each step.

I know that the Lord hears and answers our prayers however I realize that it also it his will not ours and that I can not just pray for what I want. I constantly have been reminded that everything that happens is for a purpose, a reason and although at the time we may not understand that we will in time and the Lord has his plan.

I know I am sounding selfish right now but I just can't help but plead for Eric to stay here on earth with us, that we need him more right now and that we can't let him go! I am grateful that I have our church belief and blessings and eternal blessings. What comfort that does give but still I can't help but plead for more....

A hard part of all this is leaving our 2 wonderful kids! Although they understand and want to sacrifice anything to save their Dad it is hard to leave them. They are not young little ones 15 and 13 years old but its hard to have your Dad and Mom leaving you for 4 months and knowing they are going for the fight of their lives, their Dad's life!

They are such amazing and wonderful good kids who are so responsible, so loving, hard workers, straight A honor roll kids who have had to grow up far to soon and be more mature than most kids their age. I think of all the things we will miss with them while we are gone....Chelsea's first date/ dance, watching her cheer at her high school games, Austin's football games, both of their school back to school nights, first day of school, just everyday family time. Seeing them when they first get home from school, asking how their day went and just being Mom and Dad...oh how we will miss them so much!

I hope they will be okay,I hope they will eat, do their homework and chores and most of all remember who they are and how much we love and miss them! I hope they will remember how much we love them, how much the Lord loves them and he is going to help us all through this! I hope they know how much their Dad is fighting for them, fighting to stay alive and have more happier days and memories with them! We love them so much they are the reason we are doing all this- they are the reason we fight and are going to another state to try to save their Dad's life. They are everything to us and we are so lucky and proud to have them as our children. I wonder if they know how much we love them!

So here we go right- this is it....the start of what I think is so far our hardest journey we have had to face in our lives. Please Lord continue to watch over us and guide us with the direction and path you have in store for us....protect our children, protect us, protect the donor and his family and protect all the doctors and most of all Lord protect Eric. Give him the strength to get through this, give him the love and support he needs and know all of our faith is with you...thy will be done.God bless us all....