We are busy getting ready trying to get 4 months of things done in a few days....Eric has not been feeling well at all the past week in a half. He is up at nights with extremely bad headaches/pain on the left side of his head. It has been so bad it has kept him up the last few nights all night. His doctor was concerned that he might have bleeding on his brain so I took him down to Lakeview Hospital to get a CT head scan.
Good news though the doctor called and no bleeding on the brain. He thinks the extreme pain and headaches is coming from the medication Eric is on right now. He has to be on all of these medications to try to prevent him from infections and others risks since he is nupogenic and no immune system. For the pain and to help try to get Eric some sleep the doctor has given him Loratab...Eric hates that stuff and all this medicine but if he can get some sleep and not have this pain he says it is worth it.
Eric sleeps alot now, he takes about 4 hour naps in the day and then sleeps through the night (other than lately with the headaches). I wish I could say it should get better but reality is we know at least for the next while it will be worse.
Hard feelings right now, I wish I could explain and put into words how scared and alone we feel but unless you have traveled this same journey I really don't think anyone has any idea. I am sad and disheartened about a few things and ask the Lord why? Why would they act this way and why would they do this at a time like this? Isn't it when you need them the most that they should be there for us? I don't understand if we have to go through this why we have to do it alone but I don't get any answers..... I just pray that I can focus on what I need to Eric and getting him his transplant and that the Lord will find mercy on us and give us the strength to get through it all!
I keep tellng myself they must not understand.....they must have never had something this deep and hard to go through...I don't know sometimes I think maybe it's us...maybe we did something to them and we deserve this. I just keep thinking of the scriptures and all the betrayl and forsaken heart ache and think " Why has though forsaken us?" I know that despite Eric and us being alone that the Lord is there, walking beside us and that somehow, some way, some day we will get through this. I just hope it's soon....
I have been reading alot of books about Faith and the Savior...Currently I am reading a really good book called: When You Can't Do It Alone, Take the Savior's Hand by Brent L. Top. In his book he has a saying that I am holding onto alot right now: " With shared experience can come shared hope and shared strength from learning from each other, by linking arms together and looking to the Lord as the ultimate source of our strength and comfort." " As we thank thee, learn of thee, and trust in the Lord, He will help us-even RESCUE us- so that we may be strengthened by His hand.
Lord here is our hands........
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