Sorry again on the delay between being here for work and working so much as well as the kids both have had big end of term projects I have been helping them on for school- it has been sure hard to update the blog and function! Alot going on! I am so glad to be home the past few weeks but it certainly has not been a break or to visit with the kids- I have had to work so much sometimes 8am til 8pm at night just trying to get to all my clients and see them before I go back to Texas Sunday.
It will be nice to get back to Eric and feeling like I didn't abandon him for work. I hate being away from him but at least he has been doing better and not as bad as he was when I left. He has been about the same this week with some days a little yucky and slower than others. His bloods counts and levels are pretty good. His white cells are 5.4, red cells 3.21 and hematocrit 10.3 and platelets 51. That is good, today is day 49 - one more day and we are at the half way mark for the 100 days! YEAH!!!
I am so proud of my kids, they have had to do so much on their own and be so responsible! I wished they did not have to go through this but I know they are stronger for it! I am very lucky to have 2 good responsible kids whom have handled it so well and been so good. It doesn't always work out that way.
Eric wants to get home so bad, he keeps trying to get the doctors to give him a firm date for December and they won't! They told him that it all depends on how he is doing then and it's to far away to give any dates! I feel sorry for the doctors cause he is not going to stop until he can get home! I love him so much and he has been through so much not only physically but emotionally! He is strong and I know the Lord continues to protect him and help him through this. At the end of the day all we can do is our best and seek council and guidance from the Lord. As long as we are doing that somehow everything will work itself out and be fine. I know these thoughts are what continue to get me as well as Eric and the kids through this!
There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment you must choose your direction. Will you fight to stay on the path while others tell you who you are or what you should do? Or will you label yourself? Will you be honored by your choice and how you handle things with grace and dignity? Will you embrace your new path? Each morning you choose to move forward or to simply give up- what will you choose? We are choosing NOT TO GIVE UP and to try to face this trial with as much honor and dignity we can despite how hard and alone it is! Some may want to watch you fail and suffer but we know we will prevail with the Lord's help and love!
I can not say into to words how much the Lord has helped us and how grateful we are! Personally I have always had a strong relationship with the Lord but it has became so much more stronger. There have been hours, minutes, seconds where I felt we will not get through this and that we can not bear one more moment- then the Lord comforts me and has been there when no one else has and helped me get through the next second or hour! I have seen and watch what I feel most people do not get a chance in life to see very often ( I would hope most of us do not ever have to see that), I have had to watch my husband whom I love with all of me suffer and be brought to deaths door and fight and struggle so hard to come back. To as our good friend Matt Clark said "climb out of the depths of hell" he has been in and I could not ever wish that on anyone. No person should ever have to go through that but with that being said my faith in the Lord and my testimony has grown so much! My trust in the Lord and in the plan of salvation and the knowledge we all have of our faith and belief in the Lord has been the very thing that has brought me such peace and comfort!
I know I am not perfect and that I have so much more to learn and become better but what I do know is that I am trying to be like Him , like Jesus ( I am hearing the Primary song right now in my head)and I am trying to learn the lessons he has me and my family learning. I may not be the best person and the best Wife, Mom but I know that my heart is good and with good intentions and I would never hurt anyone and that as long as I allow the Lord in my heart and soul I will be fine!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Emotionally hard...
Today and the last few days have been emotional and hard days. A few things have happened that has made Eric and I hurt and sad. First of all Eric is doing as good as can be expected, each day about the same right now and trying to get stronger. His blood counts are good. His white cells are 4.6. Hematocrit 9.6, Red Cells 3.31 and platelets 53 all pretty good! He says that he feels ok he gets tired really easy but again that is expected he is still trying to recover and these first 100 days are so critical.
Eric has been doing pretty good with me being gone but I will glad when I get back to him next week. Emotionally we have been on roller coasters and some days are always better than others. We had a few comments placed on the blog that were very disturbing and disheartening and it left us a little taken back and upset. I do not understand how anyone can take someone personal struggle and trial and create a mean thing out of it. I just thought no one in the world could or would ever be so hurtful, rude and so insensitive. It is sad that people can not see this trial and struggle we are going through for what it is. A learning moment for all of us on how precious life is and how we should love and value people before we do not have anymore time with them!
I felt so bad when Eric saw and heard of the comments and what was going on. It seemed as if that sparkle he has had disappeared emotionally. He will rebound he is a strong and wonderful person who always is so positive. I have a little harder time I think with it. He has always been better at that kind of thing than I am. I am just so confused as to why some people would hurt us when we are going through so much already. We are good people who opened up all our private struggle, family and emotions to so many and it hurts to be taken advantage of. I keep telling myself that surely these people feel bad and will apologize but I hate to say I do not think they will as I just don't think they obviously know Eric and I nor care about our feelings.
Enough about all that! Eric and I have decided to just keep the blog going as it is protecting ourselves by making it so when some one comments we have to see it first and then we choose if it is appropriate or not, to accept it or not and then it will post. So please do not let all this ruin sending Eric comments, love and support- he loves hearing from everyone. It boosts his spirits and gives him hope and strength! We will continue to blog and hopefully the people who did what they did will leave us alone and not use such a personal trial to hurt anyone! Thanks again for all the love, prayers and support! As you can see we really need it!!!
Eric has been doing pretty good with me being gone but I will glad when I get back to him next week. Emotionally we have been on roller coasters and some days are always better than others. We had a few comments placed on the blog that were very disturbing and disheartening and it left us a little taken back and upset. I do not understand how anyone can take someone personal struggle and trial and create a mean thing out of it. I just thought no one in the world could or would ever be so hurtful, rude and so insensitive. It is sad that people can not see this trial and struggle we are going through for what it is. A learning moment for all of us on how precious life is and how we should love and value people before we do not have anymore time with them!
I felt so bad when Eric saw and heard of the comments and what was going on. It seemed as if that sparkle he has had disappeared emotionally. He will rebound he is a strong and wonderful person who always is so positive. I have a little harder time I think with it. He has always been better at that kind of thing than I am. I am just so confused as to why some people would hurt us when we are going through so much already. We are good people who opened up all our private struggle, family and emotions to so many and it hurts to be taken advantage of. I keep telling myself that surely these people feel bad and will apologize but I hate to say I do not think they will as I just don't think they obviously know Eric and I nor care about our feelings.
Enough about all that! Eric and I have decided to just keep the blog going as it is protecting ourselves by making it so when some one comments we have to see it first and then we choose if it is appropriate or not, to accept it or not and then it will post. So please do not let all this ruin sending Eric comments, love and support- he loves hearing from everyone. It boosts his spirits and gives him hope and strength! We will continue to blog and hopefully the people who did what they did will leave us alone and not use such a personal trial to hurt anyone! Thanks again for all the love, prayers and support! As you can see we really need it!!!
****UPDATE- BLOG STILL WILL GO ON*****
I just found out that there is a way to still have our blog continue but protect it and make it private to only the ones we invite so that is what we are going to do so we can still share with people who do care about Eric and his progress. I am working on getting it set up this new way and I will be in contact with everyone whom we want to have on the blog. It will be a day or so but please continue to view the blog and watch for the updated privacy information. I will keep everyone posted- it's nice to know that there is a way around such bad people and the people who take advantage of our situation.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
No more blog...:(
I am sad to say that in a world like we live in today we have people whom use good things like this blog to update people who love and care about Eric and his progress and use it as an avenue to post hurtful, rude and disheartening things. Due to the nature of these disturbing comments we need to close down and cancel the blog and have decided to not set up another one for our protection. I am so sad that a few people can take advantage of such a sensitive and heart felt thing and turn it into something so hurtful. Anyone who would like to continue to follow Eric and his progress and keep in contact we would love to hear from you, please contact us via email at barkertammie@yahoo.com. We appreciate all the constructive and positive comments and are sad to have this end, unfortunately some people take a good thing and ruin it.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Small steps towards a BIG GOAL!
Eric is doing a little better each day. His white cells were 5.9 , red cells 3.38 hematocrit 9.9 and his platelets 69!! That is great! He has started to eat more a little bit, not much but a little food which is better than ensure drinks. He still has not gained back any weight which he for sure needs to at least gain back 20 pounds to look better and healthier. Right now he is so skinny he looks frail and weak but I know once he can get back to eating a little better he will do just fine.
He earned a day off from going in to the hospital today! Well it wasn't really earned all that much, his creatinane level is high at 1.9 (kidneys) they said it is probably from one of the 4 antibiotics they are giving him so it makes his level go up and they don't want to give it to him today with his level so high due to the risk of damaging the kidneys so they told him to take today off but he has to have the home health care nurse come and run his other IV meds and fluids throughout the day at home (temp home anyways). He was glad to be able to sleep in this morning instead of up at 5am to go to the hospital. Nice break for him!
He seems to sound better every day I talk to him, more like my Eric sense of humor in all and not so weak. Some days I can hear it in his voice if he is not feeling well or tired but for the most part pretty good! It was Katy's Birthday the other day ( Katy Clark our good friends whom are caring for Eric right now while I am in Utah back home working for a few weeks)- Eric said it was so fun to see her excited for her Birthday and she got a American Girl doll she wanted, Eric said it made him think of the kids and feel good to be a part of life and celebrating!
The Lord we know is continuing to watch over us, we know we have years of being careful and possible things that can happen but we are so grateful to the Lord and Eric's donor that he is responding and doing better! Eric deserves this and so much more and I can not wait to meet his donor and thank him in person! Well I am off to work again for a long day but wanted to again tell everyone thank you for all the love, prayers and support!!
He earned a day off from going in to the hospital today! Well it wasn't really earned all that much, his creatinane level is high at 1.9 (kidneys) they said it is probably from one of the 4 antibiotics they are giving him so it makes his level go up and they don't want to give it to him today with his level so high due to the risk of damaging the kidneys so they told him to take today off but he has to have the home health care nurse come and run his other IV meds and fluids throughout the day at home (temp home anyways). He was glad to be able to sleep in this morning instead of up at 5am to go to the hospital. Nice break for him!
He seems to sound better every day I talk to him, more like my Eric sense of humor in all and not so weak. Some days I can hear it in his voice if he is not feeling well or tired but for the most part pretty good! It was Katy's Birthday the other day ( Katy Clark our good friends whom are caring for Eric right now while I am in Utah back home working for a few weeks)- Eric said it was so fun to see her excited for her Birthday and she got a American Girl doll she wanted, Eric said it made him think of the kids and feel good to be a part of life and celebrating!
The Lord we know is continuing to watch over us, we know we have years of being careful and possible things that can happen but we are so grateful to the Lord and Eric's donor that he is responding and doing better! Eric deserves this and so much more and I can not wait to meet his donor and thank him in person! Well I am off to work again for a long day but wanted to again tell everyone thank you for all the love, prayers and support!!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Day 42 since transplant...
Today is day 42 since Eric's transplant/ new Birthday on 9-9-09!! We are almost half way there as far as the 100 days goes that we need to stay in Houston,TX at MD Anderson. Eric is doing pretty good, every day a little more better. He has started to try to eat not eating alot but at least a little bit- no taste at all but they say that is normal.
I have been working so much that I have not had a chance to talk to him much and I miss that! We talk at least once a day sometimes if I am lucky and not in meetings twice a day but he goes to bed so early around 7pm-8pm that it's hard. As much as I am glad to be home it is not the same without Eric here and I can not wait to be all HOME AS A FAMILY! It is hard to try to keep your mind on working when it really is with Eric and his care. The Lord continues to bless us some each day a new opened door. We are very grateful and know he is guiding our path.
Eric's law enforcements friends/co-workers/sisterhood and brotherhood has been so amazing and touching to watch how much they love and support him! They really are like family and I am so in awe over their dedication, love and support!! I joked with Eric that they are all sick of getting his case load passed out to them, sick of his offenders and he laughed and said that when he gets back he will take on as many as their hard offenders they want him to as long as he is back to work doing the job he LOVES!! He really misses it- I have never seen someone who is always so happy to go to work like he has always been. It is second nature for him and he loves it! I can't wait for the day I get to his the BIG SMILE on his face when he gets to go back and see all his friends/co-workers!
Again I know I probably sound ridiculous but I am so grateful to Eric's donor!! He has no idea how much we love him and are so eternally grateful to him! He didn't get paid anything to be a donor, he did this out of his gracious heart! I can not wait to meet him!! We have to wait 2 years to meet due to the rules from the National Bone Marrow Association. At first I did not understand that rule but they explained that these donors go through so much, they have to go through counseling and make sure they are not only physically able and willing but emotionally as well. They say they have found that these donors feel a tremendous responsibility to "SAVE THE PERSON THEY ARE DONATING TO LIVES! Your risk and not making it within 2 years after your transplant is high and therefore to protect the donor who already is wanting you to survive and gets updates from the National Donor staff about your progress, they don't want that pressure added by meeting the family and the one whom you donated to add to their emotions. I now see their point and see how that makes sense. We will never be able to thank Eric's donor enough and even if Eric did not end up surviving all this ( BUT I KNOW HE WILL! :)- his donor is AMAZING the unconditional love he has displayed is a true form of what the Lord would have us do!!
I am so proud of Eric and what a fighter he is! He really is my hero as well as the kids and the more I see how much he has to go through just to be alive, it really makes me never want to complain about anything! We are witnessing a modern day miracle and blessing from the Lord and I know Eric and our family realizes this and will never stop being so grateful!!! We have always treated each day as a gift but the more and more days we get will always be so treasured!
I have been working so much that I have not had a chance to talk to him much and I miss that! We talk at least once a day sometimes if I am lucky and not in meetings twice a day but he goes to bed so early around 7pm-8pm that it's hard. As much as I am glad to be home it is not the same without Eric here and I can not wait to be all HOME AS A FAMILY! It is hard to try to keep your mind on working when it really is with Eric and his care. The Lord continues to bless us some each day a new opened door. We are very grateful and know he is guiding our path.
Eric's law enforcements friends/co-workers/sisterhood and brotherhood has been so amazing and touching to watch how much they love and support him! They really are like family and I am so in awe over their dedication, love and support!! I joked with Eric that they are all sick of getting his case load passed out to them, sick of his offenders and he laughed and said that when he gets back he will take on as many as their hard offenders they want him to as long as he is back to work doing the job he LOVES!! He really misses it- I have never seen someone who is always so happy to go to work like he has always been. It is second nature for him and he loves it! I can't wait for the day I get to his the BIG SMILE on his face when he gets to go back and see all his friends/co-workers!
Again I know I probably sound ridiculous but I am so grateful to Eric's donor!! He has no idea how much we love him and are so eternally grateful to him! He didn't get paid anything to be a donor, he did this out of his gracious heart! I can not wait to meet him!! We have to wait 2 years to meet due to the rules from the National Bone Marrow Association. At first I did not understand that rule but they explained that these donors go through so much, they have to go through counseling and make sure they are not only physically able and willing but emotionally as well. They say they have found that these donors feel a tremendous responsibility to "SAVE THE PERSON THEY ARE DONATING TO LIVES! Your risk and not making it within 2 years after your transplant is high and therefore to protect the donor who already is wanting you to survive and gets updates from the National Donor staff about your progress, they don't want that pressure added by meeting the family and the one whom you donated to add to their emotions. I now see their point and see how that makes sense. We will never be able to thank Eric's donor enough and even if Eric did not end up surviving all this ( BUT I KNOW HE WILL! :)- his donor is AMAZING the unconditional love he has displayed is a true form of what the Lord would have us do!!
I am so proud of Eric and what a fighter he is! He really is my hero as well as the kids and the more I see how much he has to go through just to be alive, it really makes me never want to complain about anything! We are witnessing a modern day miracle and blessing from the Lord and I know Eric and our family realizes this and will never stop being so grateful!!! We have always treated each day as a gift but the more and more days we get will always be so treasured!
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Progress each day..
I am sorry for no update yesterday, I am so busy working right now and then being with the kids is has been hard to find the time! Eric had a good day yesterday, he told me he even ate a few bites of some chicken for dinner and was able to eat a taco for lunch- GREAT NEWS!! Eric says he feels so much better, more energy just from eating a little bit so even though it's bland and he has no taste buds he will try to eat a little for some energy.
Eric sounds great on the phone more and more like himself! He doesn't sound as groggy and tired,not so out of it. He tells me when I get back he thinks I will be so surprised on how much better he is doing from when I had to leave. How much more energy he has and strength as well as not sleeping all the time- a little more awake in the days. That is GREAT!! I am so proud of him, he has been through so much! He is the strongest person I know and such an inspiration to me!! He has such a stronger testimony, we have been reading the Book Of Mormon together ( he has passed me since I have been home). He told me do you know how blessed we have been? He is right we have been blessed and we are so thankful!!
So many people have stepped up and helped us in so many ways- we will NEVER be able to thank ALL OF YOU ENOUGH! We are grateful we have so much love and support, it is hard when you don't have that, it really makes a difference. I want so much to go to church today but the doctors have told me to not go due to I am Eric's care giver and there are so many cases of the swine flu right now. I can not even get my kids the swine flu shot due to I can not be by anyone who has the vaccines for 4 weeks after they are vaccinated. The risk is extremely dangerous for Eric his immune system is not strong enough for any sickness no matter how small so extra precautions we have to take. I can not even be by babies, toddlers or infants getting their vaccinations as the same concerns apply. That is hard!
Eric's counts today are great his white cell count adjusts from the mid 4.5 to 5.9 and that is fine the doctor's say- today his white cells count is 4.9. His red cells are 3.35 and hematocrit 9.7 which is great! His platelets are 80!! I can not believe those numbers as again he has not been this good for years as far as his blood counts! I am so thankful that so far his body is accepting his donor's marrow and that he is feeling a little better more and more each day! We are so grateful to the Lord and know he has provided a modern day miracle!
The kids seem so much more happier, Chelsea smiling and laughing - we have missed that! Austin so happy, smiling and wanting to be with me so much! They are really the BEST KIDS EVER ( I am just a little biased!HAHA) They really have made us so proud of them how they are handling themselves and getting through all this. You expect to see big problems when something like this happens to a family but we know the Lord is protecting them and watching over them as we have so much prayed for! In the book "The Last Lecture" - Randy talks about his cancer and how he is dealing with it and his family. He had a theory that I think is so true- that life builds these brick walls up, not to stop us but to see how much we want something and how hard we will work to climb that brick wall to get over it! ( apologize it is not word for word how he said it- I am just going from memory) I agree - we have had alot of brick walls thrown up over the years in regards to Eric's health, some taller than others! This one the tallest of course but we are climbing up that wall, trying to do it with as much humility and love as we can and I know we might be half way up that wall but we will get over it! Of course as we all know we will have more brick walls through out the rest of our lives but I can not think of anyone more I would rather be climbing the walls with then the Lord, my husband Eric, my children Chelsea and Austin!!
Eric sounds great on the phone more and more like himself! He doesn't sound as groggy and tired,not so out of it. He tells me when I get back he thinks I will be so surprised on how much better he is doing from when I had to leave. How much more energy he has and strength as well as not sleeping all the time- a little more awake in the days. That is GREAT!! I am so proud of him, he has been through so much! He is the strongest person I know and such an inspiration to me!! He has such a stronger testimony, we have been reading the Book Of Mormon together ( he has passed me since I have been home). He told me do you know how blessed we have been? He is right we have been blessed and we are so thankful!!
So many people have stepped up and helped us in so many ways- we will NEVER be able to thank ALL OF YOU ENOUGH! We are grateful we have so much love and support, it is hard when you don't have that, it really makes a difference. I want so much to go to church today but the doctors have told me to not go due to I am Eric's care giver and there are so many cases of the swine flu right now. I can not even get my kids the swine flu shot due to I can not be by anyone who has the vaccines for 4 weeks after they are vaccinated. The risk is extremely dangerous for Eric his immune system is not strong enough for any sickness no matter how small so extra precautions we have to take. I can not even be by babies, toddlers or infants getting their vaccinations as the same concerns apply. That is hard!
Eric's counts today are great his white cell count adjusts from the mid 4.5 to 5.9 and that is fine the doctor's say- today his white cells count is 4.9. His red cells are 3.35 and hematocrit 9.7 which is great! His platelets are 80!! I can not believe those numbers as again he has not been this good for years as far as his blood counts! I am so thankful that so far his body is accepting his donor's marrow and that he is feeling a little better more and more each day! We are so grateful to the Lord and know he has provided a modern day miracle!
The kids seem so much more happier, Chelsea smiling and laughing - we have missed that! Austin so happy, smiling and wanting to be with me so much! They are really the BEST KIDS EVER ( I am just a little biased!HAHA) They really have made us so proud of them how they are handling themselves and getting through all this. You expect to see big problems when something like this happens to a family but we know the Lord is protecting them and watching over them as we have so much prayed for! In the book "The Last Lecture" - Randy talks about his cancer and how he is dealing with it and his family. He had a theory that I think is so true- that life builds these brick walls up, not to stop us but to see how much we want something and how hard we will work to climb that brick wall to get over it! ( apologize it is not word for word how he said it- I am just going from memory) I agree - we have had alot of brick walls thrown up over the years in regards to Eric's health, some taller than others! This one the tallest of course but we are climbing up that wall, trying to do it with as much humility and love as we can and I know we might be half way up that wall but we will get over it! Of course as we all know we will have more brick walls through out the rest of our lives but I can not think of anyone more I would rather be climbing the walls with then the Lord, my husband Eric, my children Chelsea and Austin!!
Friday, October 16, 2009
Doing good...ATE SOMETHING!!
Eric is doing good, he actually ate some chicken noodle soup and a cookie!! YEAH!!!! This is the first meal and food since he was in the hospital. His tastes are gone right now so he really couldn't taste anything which the doctors said is normal. Taste are gone for a while in bone marrow transplant patients. Eric's doctors said he is doing good, we will just keep up with what we are doing.
Eric goes in at 6am, some days he is done by 1:30pm and some 3:30pm it just depends what he needs and what is going on. His white cells are 5.9 today red cells 3.38 and his platelets are 79!! WOW!! He has not been this high in years! Eric has not had a blood transfusion for a week now which is pretty amazing considering he has been transfusion dependent for years and was going in every other day for transfusions back home before his transplant.
I am in awe and so amazed by the Lord providing us blessings through all of this and knowing every next step and what we need and placing someone or something on our lives for each obstacle we face. I think alot about Eric's donor, I hope he is doing well recovered and back to his normal life. I wish we could meet him sooner but we have to wait 2 years. How amazing it must be to know you literally saved some one's life, someone whom you have never met. Unconditional love!! That is true Christ like love and we will be forever grateful to him!
I am pretty busy working everyday right now, as soon I landed a few hours later I was at a Seminar and then meeting with clients and working so much. I feel bad I really have not been able to see the kids much since I am working so much but I am glad just to be home. I love when they walk in the door and are so excited to share their day with me! I miss it and I love being a Mom for those moments!! I am so proud of them!! They have alot going on in their lives and they still manage it all even with all this going on and I appreciate that from them! They are very mature and special children whom I am blessed to have them and raise them. I am honored to be their mother and I hope they know how much we love them every day and can't wait to have Daddy and I back home and be a family again! We miss the family football games, dinner, hanging out, golfing and boating- we will get that back I promise!
I miss Eric so much- he doesn't have much energy to talk on the phone and it's hard for him to concentrate. I miss talking to him and helping him with what ever he needs but we are so blessed to have our good friends Matt and Jodie Clark caring for him, it brings me such peace and I do not know how I will ever be able to express how much I love them and appreciate all they do for us! They are amazing and we feel like they are family, the Lord placed them in our lives and I know we are getting far more out of our relationship then they are but I just can't say enough about them! Jodie Clark told me that she feels blessed to be able to be here for us and repay back some of the blessings her and Matt had from when she went through her bone marrow transplant. She said the neat thing for her is that Matt and her will know what we need before Eric and I know it because they have been through it, that is so true!
Like the scriptures say " Doubt not, fear not" When we have no hope, everything seems so hard and impossible and we feel so alone it is in those moments that it is a true test of faith and unknown to despite the odds to go forward and trust that the Lord will provide a way and that even though it seems impossible he will open a door and help us through our trials. Like in the scriptures when our ancestors so many times had their faith tested, our ancestors who left all they had and packed up their families and headed to where the Lord told them to go. Some losing their children, fathers, mothers, even their whole family along the way not because they were promised some material thing or a perfect world on the other side, they left all they had because they had faith in the Lord. We complain in our daily lives and take things for granted so much but have we really sat down and counted all our blessings? I know Eric and I have been there and realize how blessed we are. I have so much I need to do to become a better person, a better daughter of God but I do know that the Lord loves me and my family and it is with that knowledge and faith that I continue to know we will be okay. I know we will have more obstacles and trials but I know he will carry us through.
Eric goes in at 6am, some days he is done by 1:30pm and some 3:30pm it just depends what he needs and what is going on. His white cells are 5.9 today red cells 3.38 and his platelets are 79!! WOW!! He has not been this high in years! Eric has not had a blood transfusion for a week now which is pretty amazing considering he has been transfusion dependent for years and was going in every other day for transfusions back home before his transplant.
I am in awe and so amazed by the Lord providing us blessings through all of this and knowing every next step and what we need and placing someone or something on our lives for each obstacle we face. I think alot about Eric's donor, I hope he is doing well recovered and back to his normal life. I wish we could meet him sooner but we have to wait 2 years. How amazing it must be to know you literally saved some one's life, someone whom you have never met. Unconditional love!! That is true Christ like love and we will be forever grateful to him!
I am pretty busy working everyday right now, as soon I landed a few hours later I was at a Seminar and then meeting with clients and working so much. I feel bad I really have not been able to see the kids much since I am working so much but I am glad just to be home. I love when they walk in the door and are so excited to share their day with me! I miss it and I love being a Mom for those moments!! I am so proud of them!! They have alot going on in their lives and they still manage it all even with all this going on and I appreciate that from them! They are very mature and special children whom I am blessed to have them and raise them. I am honored to be their mother and I hope they know how much we love them every day and can't wait to have Daddy and I back home and be a family again! We miss the family football games, dinner, hanging out, golfing and boating- we will get that back I promise!
I miss Eric so much- he doesn't have much energy to talk on the phone and it's hard for him to concentrate. I miss talking to him and helping him with what ever he needs but we are so blessed to have our good friends Matt and Jodie Clark caring for him, it brings me such peace and I do not know how I will ever be able to express how much I love them and appreciate all they do for us! They are amazing and we feel like they are family, the Lord placed them in our lives and I know we are getting far more out of our relationship then they are but I just can't say enough about them! Jodie Clark told me that she feels blessed to be able to be here for us and repay back some of the blessings her and Matt had from when she went through her bone marrow transplant. She said the neat thing for her is that Matt and her will know what we need before Eric and I know it because they have been through it, that is so true!
Like the scriptures say " Doubt not, fear not" When we have no hope, everything seems so hard and impossible and we feel so alone it is in those moments that it is a true test of faith and unknown to despite the odds to go forward and trust that the Lord will provide a way and that even though it seems impossible he will open a door and help us through our trials. Like in the scriptures when our ancestors so many times had their faith tested, our ancestors who left all they had and packed up their families and headed to where the Lord told them to go. Some losing their children, fathers, mothers, even their whole family along the way not because they were promised some material thing or a perfect world on the other side, they left all they had because they had faith in the Lord. We complain in our daily lives and take things for granted so much but have we really sat down and counted all our blessings? I know Eric and I have been there and realize how blessed we are. I have so much I need to do to become a better person, a better daughter of God but I do know that the Lord loves me and my family and it is with that knowledge and faith that I continue to know we will be okay. I know we will have more obstacles and trials but I know he will carry us through.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Great News!!! :)
I am sorry for no update yesterday we had alot going on and a busy day. I had to fly home to Utah yesterday for work, I am self employed insurance broker and my busy season is starting up and I have meetings, seminars to do, clients I need to meet with for their annual review. It's hard to leave Eric but if I do not come home and get some of this done, we are already struggling to keep a float so things would be much worse.
Our friends in Texas Matt and Jodie Clark are with Eric and I appreciate them so much. They have made it so I can come home for a few weeks for work and know he is cared for and okay. Eric has to have a care giver 100% of the time with him. I always want to thank everyone one in the Baybrook Ward for all the rides to and from the hospital daily that everyone has done for Eric while I am gone. It is amazing the unconditional love everyone has! We are blessed to have such wonderful , caring and loving people that the Lord has placed in our lives. It reminds me of General Conference and how several talks were on serving others and treating others how you would treat the Lord and how we will be blessed and held accountable for this. You all will be truly blessed!
I titled this blog Great News and I am sure a few of you are thinking so far as you read this.."What is the great news?" Well my flight home to Utah is a 3 hour flight and prior to leaving a week ago right before they discharged Eric to outpatient he had a bone marrow biopsy. We kept asking daily for the results and they said they were not back yet they were finishing all of the blood smears and the pathologist still was reviewing the results. Well as soon as I landed to Utah off my flight I picked up my bags and was waiting for my ride at the airport. I was getting ready to call Eric to check on him at the hospital for his all day outpatient treatment to see how he was feeling, what his CBC blood counts were,etc.
I notice I had a voicemail, it was a message from Eric. He had called about an hour into my flight. My heart raced and was immediately worried that something was wrong for him to call during my flight as I had told him I would call him once I landed. The message I was about to hear was something I could not prepared for.... Here was Eric's exact words, crying so hard, sometimes barley being able to get all the words out-having to repeat himself due to crying so hard. This is what he said word for word: " Hey babe- it's Eric, how are you? I just wanted to call you I know you are on the airplane but we got some good news. They said they got the bone marrow biopsy results back, I am 100 % grafted and that it has a 99% success rate. SO it looks really good, I think we did the right thing- I think we finally got some good news... I love you and I just wanted to tell you that I think it's going to be fine and we are going to get through this! The Doctor's are really happy with it and just came in a few minutes ago with all the results and told me, they are really happy with it and said that this is really GOOD NEWS- they said to tell your Wife this is reason to CELEBRATE and they couldn't be more pleased with the results!" " Just give me a call when you get off the plane- I love you!"
I immediately starting crying and said a prayer right then thanking the Lord for his help and miracles, we are so grateful!!! I can not tel you how much those words meant to me, to us as a family and Eric! I know we still need to get rid of this pneumonia and fungus infection, get Eric better and back on the road to recovery, stronger and no illness, colds, flu's infections or Graft Vs. Host but this what news is what we have been praying for and needed to hear so desperately! I am so thankful to the Lord and for all our blessings and for everything that so many of you have done for us, we feel your love and support and know the power of prayer. Thank you so much!
Our friends in Texas Matt and Jodie Clark are with Eric and I appreciate them so much. They have made it so I can come home for a few weeks for work and know he is cared for and okay. Eric has to have a care giver 100% of the time with him. I always want to thank everyone one in the Baybrook Ward for all the rides to and from the hospital daily that everyone has done for Eric while I am gone. It is amazing the unconditional love everyone has! We are blessed to have such wonderful , caring and loving people that the Lord has placed in our lives. It reminds me of General Conference and how several talks were on serving others and treating others how you would treat the Lord and how we will be blessed and held accountable for this. You all will be truly blessed!
I titled this blog Great News and I am sure a few of you are thinking so far as you read this.."What is the great news?" Well my flight home to Utah is a 3 hour flight and prior to leaving a week ago right before they discharged Eric to outpatient he had a bone marrow biopsy. We kept asking daily for the results and they said they were not back yet they were finishing all of the blood smears and the pathologist still was reviewing the results. Well as soon as I landed to Utah off my flight I picked up my bags and was waiting for my ride at the airport. I was getting ready to call Eric to check on him at the hospital for his all day outpatient treatment to see how he was feeling, what his CBC blood counts were,etc.
I notice I had a voicemail, it was a message from Eric. He had called about an hour into my flight. My heart raced and was immediately worried that something was wrong for him to call during my flight as I had told him I would call him once I landed. The message I was about to hear was something I could not prepared for.... Here was Eric's exact words, crying so hard, sometimes barley being able to get all the words out-having to repeat himself due to crying so hard. This is what he said word for word: " Hey babe- it's Eric, how are you? I just wanted to call you I know you are on the airplane but we got some good news. They said they got the bone marrow biopsy results back, I am 100 % grafted and that it has a 99% success rate. SO it looks really good, I think we did the right thing- I think we finally got some good news... I love you and I just wanted to tell you that I think it's going to be fine and we are going to get through this! The Doctor's are really happy with it and just came in a few minutes ago with all the results and told me, they are really happy with it and said that this is really GOOD NEWS- they said to tell your Wife this is reason to CELEBRATE and they couldn't be more pleased with the results!" " Just give me a call when you get off the plane- I love you!"
I immediately starting crying and said a prayer right then thanking the Lord for his help and miracles, we are so grateful!!! I can not tel you how much those words meant to me, to us as a family and Eric! I know we still need to get rid of this pneumonia and fungus infection, get Eric better and back on the road to recovery, stronger and no illness, colds, flu's infections or Graft Vs. Host but this what news is what we have been praying for and needed to hear so desperately! I am so thankful to the Lord and for all our blessings and for everything that so many of you have done for us, we feel your love and support and know the power of prayer. Thank you so much!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Another Day
We started our day again like normal at 7am, Eric is sleeping while he gets his treatments and IV meds. His white cell went to 5.4 and his platelets went up on their own to 67 (very good-Eric for the past 2 years has been only 8 to 15 is all) and his red blood cells went to 3.8 hemoglobin is good at 9.6. That is great news, Eric's weight he lost another 2 pounds today from yesterday.
The doctor has us start some Carnation Nutrition Drinks and he tried one this morning but could only drink about half and felt a little sick so we took a break. We will keep trying those a little more each day. He will only drink for me water and we try to make sure he is getting at least 3 liters of water each day for his kidneys due to his kidneys levels are a little high right now and all this chemo, medications and antibiotics can hurt your organs.
Eric is a little less today than yesterday, more sluggish and tired. So today is a little harder but he will be OK just more rest. We are so thankful for the blessings the Lord is providing us, the tender mercies. We know he is constantly with us and we feel his comfort daily, hourly and sometimes on the hard days every minute. I am so proud of Eric- it is hard to go through this and keep a positive attitude and he is doing just that. He is a strong guy and has been through so much- the Lord has a lot planned for him and he has over come so many obstacles with the Lord.
The doctor has us start some Carnation Nutrition Drinks and he tried one this morning but could only drink about half and felt a little sick so we took a break. We will keep trying those a little more each day. He will only drink for me water and we try to make sure he is getting at least 3 liters of water each day for his kidneys due to his kidneys levels are a little high right now and all this chemo, medications and antibiotics can hurt your organs.
Eric is a little less today than yesterday, more sluggish and tired. So today is a little harder but he will be OK just more rest. We are so thankful for the blessings the Lord is providing us, the tender mercies. We know he is constantly with us and we feel his comfort daily, hourly and sometimes on the hard days every minute. I am so proud of Eric- it is hard to go through this and keep a positive attitude and he is doing just that. He is a strong guy and has been through so much- the Lord has a lot planned for him and he has over come so many obstacles with the Lord.
Monday, October 12, 2009
One day at a time..
Sorry for the few days not updating it's hard when I do not have Internet at the apartment and then when we go to the hospital sometimes we are so busy all day I don't get a chance to update the blog. As I mentioned we come to the hospital everyday 7 days a week at 7am we have to start that early for the long days- they do Eric's blood work/ labs then we get checked into a hospital room outpatient for the day. We are there usually anywhere from 6-8 hours sometimes longer if Eric needs red blood transfusions or platelet transfusions.
Eric is doing ok, he of course it happy to be outpatient but still pretty weak. He gets frustrated cause his mind wants to do more than his body will let him. He gets pretty tired and exerted easily. He takes his pills and then needs to lay down, he gets up to use the restroom needs to lay down. He feels about 10% of his normal energy and he gets frustrated with that cause anyone who knows him, Eric is a mover. He doesn't like to sit, he wants to always be doing something. Even when he has down time or we are on a vacation he is thinking up fun things to do with the kids or the family so we are always active. He hates TV, never has watched it much. He just a hands on busy guy and so this sitting and resting is very hard for him and he gets very anxious.
He has a hard time sleeping at night due to his medications and treatments he gets all day make him tired and so he sleeps alot in the day during them but then he always feels tired but when it is time to go to bed he can't sleep so he gets up alot at night. His white cell count is good today it is at 5.5 and his red cells are 3.8 and his platelets are 67. The last few days Eric's red cells and platelets have went up on their own without having to get transfusions, that is good another sign the donor's marrow is grafting and becoming Eric's. Eric has not had a transfusions for a few days now, that has not happened in years!
Right before his transplant he was transfusion dependant and getting them every other day to stay alive and now only every couple days sometimes a little longer. We are truly blessed to have him on an upward swing right now, we are grateful to the Lord and hope this continues. It is a slow process but we know he is climbing that hill and getting closer and closer to the top- to coming home and being a family again with the kids.
We love and miss the kids so much!! They are doing so well and we are proud of them and how responsible they are. Sometimes I worry so much about them and if they are ok, if they really are getting everything they need but I know we have alot of wonderful family and friends helping us and we appreciate that so much! We continue to ask for prayers on Eric's behalf , to bless his doctors and bless his body for the recovery and grafting process. The Lord knows us and our paths we are to take, continues to guide us. He knows our desires and needs and he will provide with what his will is, we know their are continued miracles and tender mercies to come as we have already seen. We are humbled and grateful and willing to follow his light, there is power in prayer. We have felt and seen that on so many occasions.
Eric is doing ok, he of course it happy to be outpatient but still pretty weak. He gets frustrated cause his mind wants to do more than his body will let him. He gets pretty tired and exerted easily. He takes his pills and then needs to lay down, he gets up to use the restroom needs to lay down. He feels about 10% of his normal energy and he gets frustrated with that cause anyone who knows him, Eric is a mover. He doesn't like to sit, he wants to always be doing something. Even when he has down time or we are on a vacation he is thinking up fun things to do with the kids or the family so we are always active. He hates TV, never has watched it much. He just a hands on busy guy and so this sitting and resting is very hard for him and he gets very anxious.
He has a hard time sleeping at night due to his medications and treatments he gets all day make him tired and so he sleeps alot in the day during them but then he always feels tired but when it is time to go to bed he can't sleep so he gets up alot at night. His white cell count is good today it is at 5.5 and his red cells are 3.8 and his platelets are 67. The last few days Eric's red cells and platelets have went up on their own without having to get transfusions, that is good another sign the donor's marrow is grafting and becoming Eric's. Eric has not had a transfusions for a few days now, that has not happened in years!
Right before his transplant he was transfusion dependant and getting them every other day to stay alive and now only every couple days sometimes a little longer. We are truly blessed to have him on an upward swing right now, we are grateful to the Lord and hope this continues. It is a slow process but we know he is climbing that hill and getting closer and closer to the top- to coming home and being a family again with the kids.
We love and miss the kids so much!! They are doing so well and we are proud of them and how responsible they are. Sometimes I worry so much about them and if they are ok, if they really are getting everything they need but I know we have alot of wonderful family and friends helping us and we appreciate that so much! We continue to ask for prayers on Eric's behalf , to bless his doctors and bless his body for the recovery and grafting process. The Lord knows us and our paths we are to take, continues to guide us. He knows our desires and needs and he will provide with what his will is, we know their are continued miracles and tender mercies to come as we have already seen. We are humbled and grateful and willing to follow his light, there is power in prayer. We have felt and seen that on so many occasions.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Released from the hospital...
Sorry for the delay- Eric was released lat afternoon around 3pm and we have no Internet at our apartment. So when I come to the hospital each morning I will update the blog then. Eric was released yesterday and as you can imagine was so EXCITED!! Even though he was released we will be coming here early in the morning every day for 8 hours for all his treatments, doctor appt.s and blood transfusions. So pretty much we will be just going home to sleep at night to the apartment but that is good enough for us.
Eric said it felt so good to be part of the world, feel the sunshine, breeze outside, seeing people, cars, life! We also have a home health nurse who comes each night. She came to teach me how to do Eric's IV fluids and IV antibiotics that run through him through the night. Then at 6am and 10pm I have to hook up his IV antibiotics treatments so even though we are out still pretty busy. Eric had such a good night sleeping, he was up a little bit but said it was so much better than the hospital.
It feels so good to have Eric out of the hospital but it is a little different not going home and seeing the kids just coming home to the apartment, much like when we were first married. We are blessed to have Eric released and continue to ask for constant prayers for him to continue to progress upwards and his strength to get better. Still not eating anything only will drink water but since we are running the IV fluids in him they say it is ok. They weighed Eric this morning and he has lost now a total of 36 pounds. I was not as worried at first because all the prednisone steroids he has been on the last 2 years he gained weight on 30 pounds from his normal weight. Now though he is getting a little to unhealthy skinny, looking sickness skinny and I am worried about that. They have talked to us about possibly putting him on IV feeding called TPN if he loses much more weight.
I continue to pray to the Lord for his strength, guidance and protection. We have a long road still ahead and I know maybe we have traveled a few miles into that but we certainly are not out of the woods yet.. We know with continued faith in the Lord all things are possible.
Eric said it felt so good to be part of the world, feel the sunshine, breeze outside, seeing people, cars, life! We also have a home health nurse who comes each night. She came to teach me how to do Eric's IV fluids and IV antibiotics that run through him through the night. Then at 6am and 10pm I have to hook up his IV antibiotics treatments so even though we are out still pretty busy. Eric had such a good night sleeping, he was up a little bit but said it was so much better than the hospital.
It feels so good to have Eric out of the hospital but it is a little different not going home and seeing the kids just coming home to the apartment, much like when we were first married. We are blessed to have Eric released and continue to ask for constant prayers for him to continue to progress upwards and his strength to get better. Still not eating anything only will drink water but since we are running the IV fluids in him they say it is ok. They weighed Eric this morning and he has lost now a total of 36 pounds. I was not as worried at first because all the prednisone steroids he has been on the last 2 years he gained weight on 30 pounds from his normal weight. Now though he is getting a little to unhealthy skinny, looking sickness skinny and I am worried about that. They have talked to us about possibly putting him on IV feeding called TPN if he loses much more weight.
I continue to pray to the Lord for his strength, guidance and protection. We have a long road still ahead and I know maybe we have traveled a few miles into that but we certainly are not out of the woods yet.. We know with continued faith in the Lord all things are possible.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Good day!!! :)
It has been a good day and past 24 hours!! YEAH!!! Eric has been sleeping better, no fevers and his breathing good. They took Eric down this morning for a chest x-ray to see if his pneumonia and infection on his lungs has improved. Eric and I found out some AMAZING GOOD NEWS! If Eric goes all day today and through the night still with no fever and keeps doing good he can get DISCHARGED FROM THE HOSPITAL INPATIENT and GO TO OUR APARTMENT TOMORROW!!! WOW- YEAH!!!!
Even though he would go to outpatient and we still have to be here within 10 miles and stay in Houston, TX for another 72 days which means we will not be home until the week of Christmas around December 18th , 2009- we will take this! We will be coming here to the hospital everyday 7 days a week for 8 hours all day for his appointments and IV transfusions of some of his antibiotics and medications, blood transfusions. So really we will still be here at the hospital all day and then just go home to the apartment at night to sleep but to Eric that is SO WORTH IT! The freedom to walk outside, feel the sunshine on his face, be part of the world - that is so exciting!
I am kind of scared a little, we have fought so long and hard to get out of the hospital. Eric has been in here 7 weeks at the end of this week!! It is weird, it's kind of like that feeling when you have your first child and you want to go home but then when they come tell you they are discharging you and you think " Are you sure I am ready to go home? You think I can take the baby home and be okay?" It's a little weird you then start to worry and think " Am I really ready to go home?" There are so many worries, precautions and limitations that Eric's life depends on so I find myself thinking " Am I going to be able to care for Eric good enough and keep him safe? " With the Lord's help I know we will get through to this next phase of our journey.
It's overwhelming all the things a bone marrow transplant patient has to worry about. I have had to go to these discharges classes and get signed off on all things to make sure I understand what we need to do and can't do for Eric to survive this and to make sure we are aware of the signs of rejection and GVHD (Graft Vs. Host Disease). No crowds, stores, church any where there are groups (well that's not such an easy task now is it), no eating out at fast food or restaurants, no pets or flowers or plants near Eric (wow- I love flowers as you all know- I can have them outside just not inside the home with Eric), no buffets, no fruits, no vegetables, all foods have to be cooked at a certain temperature, only meat cooked well, well done, only things pasteurized, no flying or diving (like we were going to attempt that), no swimming, no sun exposure, no wearing contacts only eye glasses, only wear long sleeves, wear mask and gloves at all times, no fevers above 100.5 OR back into the hospital. WOW! It can get all so overwhelming but some of this we have already been used to before since this is Eric's 2ND cancer and he has been critical immune suppressed and ill for the last 2 years. I asked the discharge nurse how long we will have to worry about these things and take these pre-cautions and she said really probably forever but most critical time is the first year and then after that some of these pre-cautions will decrease or go away but some will be a life change as a transplant recipient.
Even though there are all those things to worry about and restrictions it is a blessing to be alive!! To be able to say that he is grafting and that we have made it through the first hurdle of our journey. Bring on the second one -right? That means we are one step closer to coming home to our children and being a family again! We prayed today with the hospital Chaplin in Eric's room, we thanked the Lord for his love, strength and guidance through our journey and thanked him for this next step in our process. We thanked him for all our blessing and knowing we are not over the journey or trial yet and still more bumps and hurdles to come but thankful for it is with him we can bare all things!! How blessed we are to have the Lord and church in our lives as a constant compass and reminder of what life is all about and what really matters. Again, I find myself thinking of the words of " I Stand All Amazed".
Even though he would go to outpatient and we still have to be here within 10 miles and stay in Houston, TX for another 72 days which means we will not be home until the week of Christmas around December 18th , 2009- we will take this! We will be coming here to the hospital everyday 7 days a week for 8 hours all day for his appointments and IV transfusions of some of his antibiotics and medications, blood transfusions. So really we will still be here at the hospital all day and then just go home to the apartment at night to sleep but to Eric that is SO WORTH IT! The freedom to walk outside, feel the sunshine on his face, be part of the world - that is so exciting!
I am kind of scared a little, we have fought so long and hard to get out of the hospital. Eric has been in here 7 weeks at the end of this week!! It is weird, it's kind of like that feeling when you have your first child and you want to go home but then when they come tell you they are discharging you and you think " Are you sure I am ready to go home? You think I can take the baby home and be okay?" It's a little weird you then start to worry and think " Am I really ready to go home?" There are so many worries, precautions and limitations that Eric's life depends on so I find myself thinking " Am I going to be able to care for Eric good enough and keep him safe? " With the Lord's help I know we will get through to this next phase of our journey.
It's overwhelming all the things a bone marrow transplant patient has to worry about. I have had to go to these discharges classes and get signed off on all things to make sure I understand what we need to do and can't do for Eric to survive this and to make sure we are aware of the signs of rejection and GVHD (Graft Vs. Host Disease). No crowds, stores, church any where there are groups (well that's not such an easy task now is it), no eating out at fast food or restaurants, no pets or flowers or plants near Eric (wow- I love flowers as you all know- I can have them outside just not inside the home with Eric), no buffets, no fruits, no vegetables, all foods have to be cooked at a certain temperature, only meat cooked well, well done, only things pasteurized, no flying or diving (like we were going to attempt that), no swimming, no sun exposure, no wearing contacts only eye glasses, only wear long sleeves, wear mask and gloves at all times, no fevers above 100.5 OR back into the hospital. WOW! It can get all so overwhelming but some of this we have already been used to before since this is Eric's 2ND cancer and he has been critical immune suppressed and ill for the last 2 years. I asked the discharge nurse how long we will have to worry about these things and take these pre-cautions and she said really probably forever but most critical time is the first year and then after that some of these pre-cautions will decrease or go away but some will be a life change as a transplant recipient.
Even though there are all those things to worry about and restrictions it is a blessing to be alive!! To be able to say that he is grafting and that we have made it through the first hurdle of our journey. Bring on the second one -right? That means we are one step closer to coming home to our children and being a family again! We prayed today with the hospital Chaplin in Eric's room, we thanked the Lord for his love, strength and guidance through our journey and thanked him for this next step in our process. We thanked him for all our blessing and knowing we are not over the journey or trial yet and still more bumps and hurdles to come but thankful for it is with him we can bare all things!! How blessed we are to have the Lord and church in our lives as a constant compass and reminder of what life is all about and what really matters. Again, I find myself thinking of the words of " I Stand All Amazed".
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Slower Day
Eric has had a slower day again today. Really low on his energy and sleeping most the day. Today is day 27 from transplant day and Eric's white cell went down a little to 5.0 which is fine the doctors say that he will roller coaster on grafting on day go up and then go down the next just as long as we continue to see up wards direction and not big huge jumps up or down we are fine. His red cells and platelets are still bouncing low and he then gets transfused and he goes up for a few days. They say that as well over time will get better the more he grafts.
The team of doctors and infectious disease doctors came in and said that they have placed Eric on 4 broad based anti fungal infections medicines and antibiotics trying to cover everything possible while the culture still is being processed. It has not shown them any direct fungal infection name so that they would have a better idea how to treat Eric. They said that only 30 % of the time do they ever get back a direct answer so they usually place patients on antibiotics like they have already done for Eric.
Eric ate a bowl of dry Rice Krispies Cereal and drank a couple of sips of Apple Juice so that was good today. However tonight he does not want anything fighting the nausea still. They are trying to switch 2 of the IV antibiotics and fungal medicines to pill form and see how Eric responds so that he would only have 2 IV meds but they are concerned that his fevers will return and pneumonia and fungus infection in his lungs will increase again so they are watching him closely.
Eric did walk about 4 times today for me so that was good but today he was at a slower pace, really weak ad sluggish. I asked him if he feels like he felt yesterday and he said no today he was more tired and weak. He keeps telling me he feels like he has lost muscles in his legs and body however the doctors tell me they monitor that and the results on the tests show he is fine.
We miss the kids a ton, it seems like they were only here a day or two despite it was really 5 days. I wished Eric was better when they came, he really tried hard to be more awake and not so weak but turned out he really couldn't control it. I know the kids understand though, it was great just to have them here and see him and Eric see them. I hope it gave Eric a new boost of energy and reminded him why he is fighting so hard to stay alive! Eric and I were praying together last night and usually I have been saying the prayers out loud due to he has been so weak. It was a very tender moment to hear Eric although weak and hard to speak out loud thank the Lord for all has done for us, for helping carrying him through this and asking the Lord to continue to protect me and the kids. He has always worried about us more than himself, I think that is one of his greatest qualities! He has many- that is just one of his!! I am so blessed to have been married to him for 17 years and the best part is I fall more and more in love with him each day. He is the truest form of courage to me, an example to the kids and I and I have always known how strong he is. He is and will always be my best friend and eternal companion to whom I am forever grateful for teaching me the true meaning of faith and love!
The team of doctors and infectious disease doctors came in and said that they have placed Eric on 4 broad based anti fungal infections medicines and antibiotics trying to cover everything possible while the culture still is being processed. It has not shown them any direct fungal infection name so that they would have a better idea how to treat Eric. They said that only 30 % of the time do they ever get back a direct answer so they usually place patients on antibiotics like they have already done for Eric.
Eric ate a bowl of dry Rice Krispies Cereal and drank a couple of sips of Apple Juice so that was good today. However tonight he does not want anything fighting the nausea still. They are trying to switch 2 of the IV antibiotics and fungal medicines to pill form and see how Eric responds so that he would only have 2 IV meds but they are concerned that his fevers will return and pneumonia and fungus infection in his lungs will increase again so they are watching him closely.
Eric did walk about 4 times today for me so that was good but today he was at a slower pace, really weak ad sluggish. I asked him if he feels like he felt yesterday and he said no today he was more tired and weak. He keeps telling me he feels like he has lost muscles in his legs and body however the doctors tell me they monitor that and the results on the tests show he is fine.
We miss the kids a ton, it seems like they were only here a day or two despite it was really 5 days. I wished Eric was better when they came, he really tried hard to be more awake and not so weak but turned out he really couldn't control it. I know the kids understand though, it was great just to have them here and see him and Eric see them. I hope it gave Eric a new boost of energy and reminded him why he is fighting so hard to stay alive! Eric and I were praying together last night and usually I have been saying the prayers out loud due to he has been so weak. It was a very tender moment to hear Eric although weak and hard to speak out loud thank the Lord for all has done for us, for helping carrying him through this and asking the Lord to continue to protect me and the kids. He has always worried about us more than himself, I think that is one of his greatest qualities! He has many- that is just one of his!! I am so blessed to have been married to him for 17 years and the best part is I fall more and more in love with him each day. He is the truest form of courage to me, an example to the kids and I and I have always known how strong he is. He is and will always be my best friend and eternal companion to whom I am forever grateful for teaching me the true meaning of faith and love!
Monday, October 5, 2009
A little improvement...
\Eric has done better today despite last night he was up all night walking around couldn't sleep. They gave him some medication for his anxiety but it made him sleep alot during the day and so he was wide awake at night. They have decided to decrease the anxiety meds and only give half the amount at bedtime hopefully that works.
No fevers still which is good they think the antibiotics have helped that, we hope when they do another x-ray it shows it's helping the infection and pneumonia. Eric is walking alot more today and that is always good, he is walking more faster and seems to not be so weak and slow today! :) Eric has earned all the maxium bandanna's so they gave his a "ALL TIME M & M Mover Award" he received a t-shirt that says " I Am A Bone Marrow Transplant Survivor". Pretty cool, huh? HAHAA!
I am posting a picture of Eric's door showing all his paper bandanna's and a few extra M & M's and then he has earned extra totaling 5 bandanna's and tied them all on his IV pole as his "Badge of Honor" I also posted a picture today of Eric sleeping, he has lost alot of weight total so far since he entered the hospital is 28 pounds! WOW!! He is still not eating but at least drinking alot of water and they also keep him pretty pumped with IV fluids.
General Conference was really uplifting, it seems I always feel like we are so spiritually starving then by the end of General Conference weekend we are feed so much spiritually and we have a new found boost and energy to keep on going. Back home in Utah we take for granted that we just turn on the TV to watch conference but outside of Utah down here in Texas I had to watch it on my lap top via Internet an hour delayed. I was able to watch all of Saturday;s and Sunday's both sessions and it was very rewarding. on Saturday's session the choir sang Eric's and my favorite song " I Know That My Redeemer Lives" that was so beautiful as well as many other songs. I was reminded of how much our ancestors went through and felt as if I can bear this burden and trial, others have done so much more. I am so grateful for the scriptures and the comfort of turning through the pages and reading such inspiring scriptures that seem to be talking directly to me. We are very blessed and I hope to do what the Lord wants me to do so that when I am judged for my actions he know that I have done good in the world.
No fevers still which is good they think the antibiotics have helped that, we hope when they do another x-ray it shows it's helping the infection and pneumonia. Eric is walking alot more today and that is always good, he is walking more faster and seems to not be so weak and slow today! :) Eric has earned all the maxium bandanna's so they gave his a "ALL TIME M & M Mover Award" he received a t-shirt that says " I Am A Bone Marrow Transplant Survivor". Pretty cool, huh? HAHAA!
I am posting a picture of Eric's door showing all his paper bandanna's and a few extra M & M's and then he has earned extra totaling 5 bandanna's and tied them all on his IV pole as his "Badge of Honor" I also posted a picture today of Eric sleeping, he has lost alot of weight total so far since he entered the hospital is 28 pounds! WOW!! He is still not eating but at least drinking alot of water and they also keep him pretty pumped with IV fluids.
General Conference was really uplifting, it seems I always feel like we are so spiritually starving then by the end of General Conference weekend we are feed so much spiritually and we have a new found boost and energy to keep on going. Back home in Utah we take for granted that we just turn on the TV to watch conference but outside of Utah down here in Texas I had to watch it on my lap top via Internet an hour delayed. I was able to watch all of Saturday;s and Sunday's both sessions and it was very rewarding. on Saturday's session the choir sang Eric's and my favorite song " I Know That My Redeemer Lives" that was so beautiful as well as many other songs. I was reminded of how much our ancestors went through and felt as if I can bear this burden and trial, others have done so much more. I am so grateful for the scriptures and the comfort of turning through the pages and reading such inspiring scriptures that seem to be talking directly to me. We are very blessed and I hope to do what the Lord wants me to do so that when I am judged for my actions he know that I have done good in the world.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
A little better today...but sleeping alot
Eric is doing a little better today, but he is very tired due to not sleeping much for few nights prior. He has been placed on these additional antibiotics to hopefully help the pneumonia and fungus infection on his lungs. He is breathing alot better today has not had the oxygen on today - that is good. His fever broke and went away last night and so far so good, it has not returned.
Eric seems to have better spirits today as they have moved Eric into a new room G1158 right next door. It is alot bigger, more windows, more sunlight- they wanted to do this for Eric since he has been so anxious and sick of being here. They felt if he had a better view and more windows it would brighten his spirits. I think this has been good, he seems better. It reminds me of a song I love and have listened to alot before about a cancer patient getting assigned a room. It is called "Room with a view"
Here are some of the verses that I think of often:
They gave you a corner room on the fifth floor, they said the words like they were candy to a kid in a store
Like a King you would lay in your bed so steadfully, so thankful they gave you a room with scenery
You always were so healthy, so full of life! So seeing you so helpless - just doesn't seem right
How you kept your head so high I will never know, I guess you knew you would have a better place to go.
I agree when you are in a hospital, fighting for your life you really learn to appreciate so many things. The simple things that mean so much, it has been a true humbling experience. I love music and always have. Music for me is an outlet and singing alot when I was younger it would make me feel so much better, now I do not sing as much but love to listen to music to get through life's trials. One of Eric's and my favorite song is "I Know That My Redeemer Lives" I love this song, it brings us such comfort.
A song that I listened to alot is called " Just Like He Said He Would":
I know you can't see beyond the problems of today, you feel you are losing heart- hope is slipping away
It's darkest just before the dawn, but his mercy is in the sun rise of another day
You can make it through the night...
Just hang onto his promise, that you're not in this alone
And trust the things that you can't see, to the one whose in control.
He's in control.....
And just like He said he would, he'll make a way when there is no way at all..
You'll never fall, if you only believe that just like He said he would-
He'll carry you when all your strength is gone, He'll always love you...
Just like He said he would.
Eric seems to have better spirits today as they have moved Eric into a new room G1158 right next door. It is alot bigger, more windows, more sunlight- they wanted to do this for Eric since he has been so anxious and sick of being here. They felt if he had a better view and more windows it would brighten his spirits. I think this has been good, he seems better. It reminds me of a song I love and have listened to alot before about a cancer patient getting assigned a room. It is called "Room with a view"
Here are some of the verses that I think of often:
They gave you a corner room on the fifth floor, they said the words like they were candy to a kid in a store
Like a King you would lay in your bed so steadfully, so thankful they gave you a room with scenery
You always were so healthy, so full of life! So seeing you so helpless - just doesn't seem right
How you kept your head so high I will never know, I guess you knew you would have a better place to go.
I agree when you are in a hospital, fighting for your life you really learn to appreciate so many things. The simple things that mean so much, it has been a true humbling experience. I love music and always have. Music for me is an outlet and singing alot when I was younger it would make me feel so much better, now I do not sing as much but love to listen to music to get through life's trials. One of Eric's and my favorite song is "I Know That My Redeemer Lives" I love this song, it brings us such comfort.
A song that I listened to alot is called " Just Like He Said He Would":
I know you can't see beyond the problems of today, you feel you are losing heart- hope is slipping away
It's darkest just before the dawn, but his mercy is in the sun rise of another day
You can make it through the night...
Just hang onto his promise, that you're not in this alone
And trust the things that you can't see, to the one whose in control.
He's in control.....
And just like He said he would, he'll make a way when there is no way at all..
You'll never fall, if you only believe that just like He said he would-
He'll carry you when all your strength is gone, He'll always love you...
Just like He said he would.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Don't want the kids to go...:(
Today is bitter sweet, we are so grateful to be together but also sad the kids visit is coming to an end. They fly home tomorrow morning and the kids really have been dreading it all day. The kids enjoyed their visit and Eric loved it. I am posting a few pictures of them with Eric, as you can see they are happy to be with him!! It is obvious in the pictures though that Eric is not feeling well. His fevers just keep coming and going and the infectious disease doctors came in and told us they are extremely concerned from the results on the x-rays. Eric's pneumonia and fungus infection has progressed quite a bit so they now have increased and put Eric on anti fungal medications to cover a wide variety of infections until they have his culture back which will tell them exactly what infection they are dealing with.
Eric has started to have a harder time breathing back on the oxygen tonight and is dizzy. He also has been feeling very anxious, sick of this room and the same walls. He is having trouble sleeping despite them giving him sleeping aide so now they will try another medication to see if he can sleep tonight.
Despite the fevers and infections today is day from transplant and Eric's white cells are 6.5 which is good, the donor's marrow is grafting. His GVHD on his hands/ palms has stayed the same and the pain has decreased with him using the cream medication they gave him. Today has been an emotional roller coaster and really hard for Eric, he said that he just wants to get out of the hospital and he will do much better if they would just send him home to recover. Eric is so tried of being here, not feeling well he actually told me today he is not sure he can do it one more day. He can, I told him we are doing it together and he will get through this. I know it is hard on him and he just wants to get out of the hospital but he can't so Matt Clark and Ethan came to the hospital and gave Eric a blessing. It was so touching to hear Matt be inspired what to say from the Lord, direct comfort and promptings to Eric we could feel. How grateful we are for the priesthood power and blessings we can receive. The Lord continues to bless us and guide us through our journey, long and some days seem like they will never end but it's always darkest before the dawn. We are holding on, holding for the light to come.
P.S. I am posting some fun pictures of the kids with the Clark family and Baybrook Youth/Ward friends boating, party and karaoke night that they really enjoyed while they were here.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Pneumonia and Fungus Infection getting worse
Eric's tests came back from yesterday and his pneumonia and fungus infection in his lungs show they are getting worse. He has had his cough return which explains it now, the fever today and through the night went away now though but due to the infection getting worse and the antibiotics not helping it they are switching him to 3 different antibiotics mean while they took Eric down this morning for a bronchial test. They put a scope down and took a sample of off his lungs, they are going to grow a culture for 3 days and see what more they can find out about it.
Mean while on complete isolation now, gowns, gloves and masks. The kids went with the Clark's boating today so that should be fun for them. A nice change for them instead of the hospital room. Today is day 23 from transplant and Eric's white cell count is 4.9 which that is good he has not been above 1.5 for years!! The problem now is this pneumonia and fungus infection they are worried about. Eric is still getting red blood transfusions and platelet transfusions about every other day still, they say that the white counts are the first to start going up and then slowly the red cells and platelet's.
So alot of sit and wait right now, Eric's energy still pretty low although he seems a little bit better today then the last few days. Still just sleeps alot through the day though, he went on a walk with me 2 times this afternoon- that is good. Please everyone I know you are praying, but maybe if everyone could please specifically mention to bless Eric's body that he can fight this pneumonia and fungus infection in his lungs. I know the Lord is mindful and carrying us through this I just hope what he has in store for us is what we want and pray for. I believe so strongly in the power of prayer and I have seen the Lord's work and had to many miracles and blessings in my life not to mention now, I know the Lord is watching over us and always will.
Mean while on complete isolation now, gowns, gloves and masks. The kids went with the Clark's boating today so that should be fun for them. A nice change for them instead of the hospital room. Today is day 23 from transplant and Eric's white cell count is 4.9 which that is good he has not been above 1.5 for years!! The problem now is this pneumonia and fungus infection they are worried about. Eric is still getting red blood transfusions and platelet transfusions about every other day still, they say that the white counts are the first to start going up and then slowly the red cells and platelet's.
So alot of sit and wait right now, Eric's energy still pretty low although he seems a little bit better today then the last few days. Still just sleeps alot through the day though, he went on a walk with me 2 times this afternoon- that is good. Please everyone I know you are praying, but maybe if everyone could please specifically mention to bless Eric's body that he can fight this pneumonia and fungus infection in his lungs. I know the Lord is mindful and carrying us through this I just hope what he has in store for us is what we want and pray for. I believe so strongly in the power of prayer and I have seen the Lord's work and had to many miracles and blessings in my life not to mention now, I know the Lord is watching over us and always will.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Fever 101.8, doing tests...
Well today and yesterday Eric's energy has been pretty poor:( I feel bad because he tried so hard to feel better before the kids got here and he was doing good the 3 days prior but his fever just won't go away and they are trying to figure out why. Is it a new infection? Is it the pneumonia and fungus infection he had getting worse or what is it? They had the infectious disease doctors come in again and they sent him down for some additional tests on his lungs and pneumonia. They said they are trying to see if it has started to get worse from the other day. He has pretty much been sleeping the whole time the kids have been here ( I feel bad for the kids cause they wanted to be with him awake) I am just grateful they are here and they were able to see him and Eric could see them hopefully that will boost his spirits.
Today emotionally is a hard one for me, I am a little tired today ( not sure why?) I feel a little out of energy but I will try to change that.... I think this hospital room is getting a little old ya know? The kids said that their Dad seems so sad and weak, not like their Dad. That made me sad cause I know what they mean but I tried to explain to them Daddy is just tired and this fever and all his medicines make him really sleepy. He did get up a few times today and yesterday to walk with them but he was really tired and you can tell it took all his energy to do it. He really didn't want to but the doctors said they want him walking so we kind of just told him " Ok Dad we are going to go on a walk", he couldn't say no to the kids.
I knew this journey is a constant roller coaster, bad days then good followed by bad days... I keep thinking of all the times we would spend together as a family before the transplant! That is what helps me keep going...Eric is strong and he can get through this, we all can with the Lord's help.
Today emotionally is a hard one for me, I am a little tired today ( not sure why?) I feel a little out of energy but I will try to change that.... I think this hospital room is getting a little old ya know? The kids said that their Dad seems so sad and weak, not like their Dad. That made me sad cause I know what they mean but I tried to explain to them Daddy is just tired and this fever and all his medicines make him really sleepy. He did get up a few times today and yesterday to walk with them but he was really tired and you can tell it took all his energy to do it. He really didn't want to but the doctors said they want him walking so we kind of just told him " Ok Dad we are going to go on a walk", he couldn't say no to the kids.
I knew this journey is a constant roller coaster, bad days then good followed by bad days... I keep thinking of all the times we would spend together as a family before the transplant! That is what helps me keep going...Eric is strong and he can get through this, we all can with the Lord's help.
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