Results are in...

Today another blessing.. we received Eric's results back from his biopsy and it is not Graft Vs. Host! YEAHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Although they are not sure what kind of rash it is we continue with his steroid /medicine cream daily to try to get it to go away. The doctors are not sure what it is but said that it is not GVHD so that we are very grateful for! Eric has been extremely worried having this in the back on our minds the past week and half waiting for the results. It was a huge relief for us.

Eric has had a hard few weeks lately just being pretty tired, not feeling a good as right before we came home from Texas. His blood counts and levels have been alot lower with his creatinine and tacrolimus level high which is alot of him not feeling well. He has had a hard time adjusting to being home and known his limits and not over doing it. It was one thing to be in Texas and that was our main focus to take care of him and his recovery but to come home and fit back into the daily life routine, the kids, me working, his doctor appt's, his treatments and care it has been hard. I know some of you are saying "Hey this is what they wanted back right, their life- normalcy?" Yes we did and we are grateful I just think it is hard to try to keep up on his care and have everything else going on as well.

I feel bad sometimes I feel like I am not taking as good as care of him as I was back in Texas. I have so much going on and trying to work, be the mom and dad right now and take care of him sometimes I think I fall short and I feel bad for that. I know he understands, it is me more than anyone who has a hard time with that. Eric on the other hand has a hard time not helping me, he says he feels useless and he keeps apologizing that all he does is lay around and rest. I told him I think he has a very valid reason for needing to rest its not like he just came back from the fight of his life or anything.

Anyone who knows Eric all to well knows that he is a very busy guy, hates to sit around, always wanting to go and do something for someone, fix something, help out, be active so this down time is really hard for him. He kept telling me when I get home that is all I need and I will be able to make all those doctors eat their words about how long I will be down from this, how it will take a long time to recover. He said even though everyone we have meet that has had a bone marrow transplant all say that their biggest complaint is never feeling well, feeling like only 20% energy of what they used to be that is them I will prove them wrong! He just said to me today I still think I am going to push myself and be back sooner then the doctors think but I now see what some of those other transplant patients are saying my energy is so low, it is really hard to just get up and get in the shower and not get worn out!

Poor guy I see the frustration in his face everyday when his mind wants to do so much but his body just can't. I believe in him, if anyone can do it it will be Eric. He is the strongest man I know and he amazes me everyday with his strength and courage! His counts were just faxed over to me a few hours ago from his home health nurse and it still amazes me how from day to day they change and vary. He went lower again yesterday his white cells were 7.1 (from the daily nuepogen shots) , he is today only 4.1. His tacrolimus level went up again to 8.2 that is the critical to be at the highest 4.0. We meet again tomorrow with his Oncologist here in Utah (we meet with him every Friday) so we should be able to know more then. Eric was given last week a handicap plate for the car- as I am sure you all know Eric and how he feels about that. The doctor feels his energy is so low and he has to take rests so much that he really needs to use that for when we do go out.

I am so grateful to Eric's donor and the unconditional love he has, we can not wait to met him! I have leaned on alot of scriptures and books to help me through this as you know I have mentioned several quotes and scriptures before. One quote from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland his book " Broken Things to Mend" He says " Just believing, just having a molecule of faith- that simple step, when focused on the Lord Jesus Christ, has ever been and always will be the first principle of His eternal gospel, the first step out of despair." Another amazing book "Hard Times and Holy Places" by Kristin Belcher quotes " Trials and difficulties can, if we let them, become holy places- places where we can feel the power of the Atonement in our lives. Our struggles can be consecrated to our good and growth, and you and I can become more like Christ." What peace and comfort these words bring, how true they are. I can testify on many occasions these examples, these are the very things I feel I have been able to experience first hand.

Austin came up to me the other day and told me " Mom I am so happy that the Lord has blessed Dad and he was able to come home to us, it feels so good to have you guys home- we are very lucky huh Mom?" He is right we are very BLESSED!