Today is Saturday and I found out from so many of you responding that I guess the blog is still needed. HAHA! Eric laughed at the multiple responses I received from so many of you asking us to keep blogging and that you like to read it and keep updated so we will continue to post blogs- I hope that doesn't bore some of you out there!
We have had a good week so far, most of you remember from last weeks post that Eric's white cells had went down into the 2.6 's and we were prepared for more Nuepogen shots in his stomach for 5 days (same old routine) however his doctor here tried something- he said that Eric's absolute neutrophils were barely at the hang in there mark so he said lets have the home health nurses just monitor more each day when they come and we will play it by ear and see what happens. Guess what.. he continue for a few days to drop but Wednesday and Friday he went up on his own! YAYYYY!!
Eric's lab results yesterday show he rebounded on his own without the shots to 4.4 on his white cells!!! YESS!! That is what he was doing back in Texas right before we had to do that 4 weeks of chemotherapy we did before we came home, as I have mentioned before they thought that the white cells and platelets going down were a direct result from the chemo Rutuxian he had and that give it some time possibly a few months and it would rebound on its own. It looks like it has- I hope I am not getting to excited but I am so happy with these results right now! Eric's platelets also went up :) They are 77!! Can you believe that! We are so excited and we find ourselves always thanking the Lord for our blessings big and small that continue to get us through this journey of hope.
Eric's red cells are holding pretty good as well higher than they have been in a long time he currently is at 3.61, Hemoglobin 12.6 with his Hematocrit 35.2. All good .... his creatinine is good at 1.5 that is the one we also have been so concerned with. All in all good week and we feel very blessed to have things going OK right now. We have been anxiously awaiting more news on our friend Jodie Clark who had here biopsy last week. It's always a hurry up and wait game, sometimes I do not think the doctors remember how much you go through waiting a week for the results and the worry that happens but she is still waiting her results and we continue to pray for her and her sweet family- WE LOVE YOU GUYS!
A few of you might remember Eric and I have met some amazing new friends through this journey. One of them Eric has became quite close with his name is Patrick ( I had posted a picture with both of them the week they we came home on the blog) Patrick has the same exact rare cancer that Eric has, it was Lymphoma and turned into Myleodisplastia MDS. We were concerned about him, he had hit a few bumps in the road and was not able to go home and thought he had relapsed. I am so happy to report he is doing good alot better and he has been able to return home to Florida with his Mom and family.
We have been preparing already to fly back on March 1st-4th to Texas and meet with Eric's transplant doctors, do all the fun 3 month follow ups tests, bone marrow biopsies, CT scans, PET's. You always get a little anxious and nervous I mean every day when you sit and wait for lab results you hope and pray "Please let everything be OK, please don't let them come back bad" but these biopsies and going back to Texas is scary to us. You want to be positive but so many times you have endured waiting and praying things are OK and sometimes they are and sometimes they are not. I think I am a little more freaked out because his last one was showing to the pathologist that he had relapsed and rejected his donor, that his cancer was back only to find out a week agonizing later that the DNA results showed he has not and was fine. It is definitely a roller coaster and one that I wish we could get off of but we continue to be on it and must make the most of our journey.
I love to read the Ensign each month, it gives you a boost and sometimes seems to be driectly talking to you as the scriptures. In February's Ensign there is a few articles/ council I just love! The first one is from our Prophet Pres. Thomas S. Monson the Presidency message on " Being Spiritually Prepared" he talks about faith, hard times, remembering our patriarchal blessing as the Liahona it is meant to be to help guide us, and remembering that we do not walk alone and to come unto Christ. He stated " Remember that you do not walk alone...As you walk through life, always walk toward the light, and the shadows of life will fall behind you.." I like that, it is so true, I can testify on many occasions how much I have felt and experienced this.
The second one I loved and really there were two articles on this was The Sacrament. One was by Donald W. Parry and one was by Elder Paul K. Sybrowsky of the Seventy called "This I Do In Remembrance Of Me" Eric has had the honor and privilege from not only the youth and elders back in Texas but also here at home in our home ward youth and elders to come and bring him the sacrament each week in our home. I can not tell you what an awesome and spiritual blessing that is to him and us to experience and watch as these fine young men administer the sacrament with such respect, honor and spiritialness. It a great blessing to be able to have that done for Eric since he can not attend church right now, he is so grateful to everyone for administering that blessing to him. Thank you, I know it takes additional time out of these boys lives, time away from their family to come over- we are humbled and grateful to you for that. It is a great reminder as we do take the sacrament to listen to the words/scriptures, to remember of what he went through for our sins and us and that we take it in remembrance of him.
I am so grateful to the Lord for all my blessings, for Eric doing well as can be right now and accepting his transplant, for my kids and for the church and its gospel teachings that continually remind me of why I am here and what really matters. I am grateful to Eric's donor for saving his life, for Eric that I have not only my best friend but my eternal companion whom I love more than anything!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
One Day At A Time..
We are plugging along still , one day at a time... I don't really think anyone really is still looking at the blog or at least it doesn't seem like anyone is so I am not sure if updating it still is even necessary. Even though it probably seems like to everyone old news.. we still are very much living day to day all of this cancer stuff. For the next few years as Eric's doctors tell us will be this on going battle and day to day worry. After a few years once you get to a certain point it gets better, your chances of rejecting or getting Graft Vs. Host decreases but is still very real and there for the rest of your life.
Eric's doctor was telling us about one of his patients whom was about 2 years out, he loved water skiing before his transplant (Eric loves it too!) so he was not feeling a ton of energy but had missed it so much. Despite being told no more sun exposure for the rest of his life, cover up, long sleeve shirts all the time, no more boating, water skiing, soaking up the sun, sunbathing....because the sun can actually activate and start Graft Vs. Host in a bone marrow transplant patient. He just wanted to go one more time, a short little water ski mission. So he went, not very long was pretty warn out just from the short distance. He ended up getting Graft Vs. Host and died at the age of 37 years old!!
Can you believe it? You do not realize how much your life changes and how many restrictions you have for the rest of your life just to stay alive. The first battle is to get through the bone marrow transplant, then it's another journey of its own just to stay alive after it. Still you are grateful, even though your old life is gone and much of what you enjoyed you are grateful to be alive, grateful for more time and a second chance. I have to wash all of Eric's clothes in this special sun block stuff that actually coats his clothes up to 20 washing with sun block protection.
Even our yucky gloomy days right now in the winter we have to take all the same precautions. Eric's hair is slowly starting to grow a little bit, he has a little bit of fuzz, Austin tells his Dad he looks like a little baby chicken on the top of his hair with a little fuzz/ hair starting to grow--Eric laughs at that! It looks like it might be coming in alot more blonder, it funny I guess we will see. The first time Eric had cancer in 2002 after his Cytoxian Chemo he had his hair grew back in a little more darker, dirty dish water blonde and the texture changed to a lose curl a little bit. So we will see what happens this time, we are all making predictions on which month we think Eric will have a full head of hair. I think by maybe June he will have a short hair style barely....
Eric's week has been a little better as far as energy goes this week. He has not felt as warn out, took a little less naps. His counts have been pretty good other than all the sudden yesterday his home health nurse faxed over to me his blood results from Thursday and he has dropped again quite a bit on his white cells to 2.6 so here we go again with 5 more days again of Nuepogen shots in his stomach each day-YUCK! He hates those but as he told me "Once you have been through all I went through on this bone marrow transplant- a shot in the stomach is a walk in the park!"
Eric's other levels are ok, holding in there... his red blood cells are 3.45 and hemoglobin 12.1 with his hematocrit 33.6 which is still critical low but a little higher this week than the last week. His Tacrolimus level is going down better like we wanted to 6.9 ( this is the one we have been so concerned about and watching -they want it around 3 to 4's) They changed his dosage to .5 mg in the AM and 1 mg in PM ( I have been telling them this for weeks- finally they listened) so it has now started to drop. His creatinine has been stable/ better at 1.5 so we have not had to the daily IV's treatments at home that take 5-6 hours - YAY!! Platletts I am happy to say went up again a little bit to 65- YESS!!! He has not been that high other than shortly before we came home from Texas in years so we are happy about that!
All in all a better week... the kids have just finished their 2nd term in school so that's nice. It is crazy to think that they have only half the year left now of school. We left to Texas for Eric's bone marrow transplant on their first day of school and we came back a few weeks before they finished their 2nd term, that is a long time! Well like always I go on and go but there is a week update for everyone-if anyone even still checks this blog anymore. We are still in the thick of it and will be for a while but grateful to the Lord for our many blessings and for Eric's donor!
Eric's doctor was telling us about one of his patients whom was about 2 years out, he loved water skiing before his transplant (Eric loves it too!) so he was not feeling a ton of energy but had missed it so much. Despite being told no more sun exposure for the rest of his life, cover up, long sleeve shirts all the time, no more boating, water skiing, soaking up the sun, sunbathing....because the sun can actually activate and start Graft Vs. Host in a bone marrow transplant patient. He just wanted to go one more time, a short little water ski mission. So he went, not very long was pretty warn out just from the short distance. He ended up getting Graft Vs. Host and died at the age of 37 years old!!
Can you believe it? You do not realize how much your life changes and how many restrictions you have for the rest of your life just to stay alive. The first battle is to get through the bone marrow transplant, then it's another journey of its own just to stay alive after it. Still you are grateful, even though your old life is gone and much of what you enjoyed you are grateful to be alive, grateful for more time and a second chance. I have to wash all of Eric's clothes in this special sun block stuff that actually coats his clothes up to 20 washing with sun block protection.
Even our yucky gloomy days right now in the winter we have to take all the same precautions. Eric's hair is slowly starting to grow a little bit, he has a little bit of fuzz, Austin tells his Dad he looks like a little baby chicken on the top of his hair with a little fuzz/ hair starting to grow--Eric laughs at that! It looks like it might be coming in alot more blonder, it funny I guess we will see. The first time Eric had cancer in 2002 after his Cytoxian Chemo he had his hair grew back in a little more darker, dirty dish water blonde and the texture changed to a lose curl a little bit. So we will see what happens this time, we are all making predictions on which month we think Eric will have a full head of hair. I think by maybe June he will have a short hair style barely....
Eric's week has been a little better as far as energy goes this week. He has not felt as warn out, took a little less naps. His counts have been pretty good other than all the sudden yesterday his home health nurse faxed over to me his blood results from Thursday and he has dropped again quite a bit on his white cells to 2.6 so here we go again with 5 more days again of Nuepogen shots in his stomach each day-YUCK! He hates those but as he told me "Once you have been through all I went through on this bone marrow transplant- a shot in the stomach is a walk in the park!"
Eric's other levels are ok, holding in there... his red blood cells are 3.45 and hemoglobin 12.1 with his hematocrit 33.6 which is still critical low but a little higher this week than the last week. His Tacrolimus level is going down better like we wanted to 6.9 ( this is the one we have been so concerned about and watching -they want it around 3 to 4's) They changed his dosage to .5 mg in the AM and 1 mg in PM ( I have been telling them this for weeks- finally they listened) so it has now started to drop. His creatinine has been stable/ better at 1.5 so we have not had to the daily IV's treatments at home that take 5-6 hours - YAY!! Platletts I am happy to say went up again a little bit to 65- YESS!!! He has not been that high other than shortly before we came home from Texas in years so we are happy about that!
All in all a better week... the kids have just finished their 2nd term in school so that's nice. It is crazy to think that they have only half the year left now of school. We left to Texas for Eric's bone marrow transplant on their first day of school and we came back a few weeks before they finished their 2nd term, that is a long time! Well like always I go on and go but there is a week update for everyone-if anyone even still checks this blog anymore. We are still in the thick of it and will be for a while but grateful to the Lord for our many blessings and for Eric's donor!
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Day 129 from Bone Marrow Transplant!
I can not believe it but today is day 129 from Eric's bone marrow transplant! WOW!!! Some ways it has went fast but alot of ways very slow.....We meet with Eric's doctor yesterday Eric's blood counts have been holding their own without Nuepogen shots this week which has been good. Still they are a little low but his platelets went up to 65 which we were happy about, just to give you an idea normal platelets counts should be about 140,000 to 440,000 for a normal person so as you can see Eric is way, way lower than that but he was going down alot lower again to the 19's to 50 so we are happy they went up.
His white cells are 3.3 we would like them back to what they were right before we left Texas which was around 4.5-5.9 but again they feel the chemo he had to have those 4 weeks right before we came home threw them off for a little awhile due to that EBV virus that reactivated in his B cells. His red cells are holding good at about 3.26 marked critical low as well as his other counts but he is holding on.
We still have to do IV treatments through the week which take about 5-6 hours here at home, so that is fun... We are grateful that Eric is able to be out of the hospital and home with us, that we are a family again. We feel blessed to have him doing ok right now at least we are not down in Texas for a second bone marrow transplant as we had thought a few weeks ago. We are loving watching as a family all the NFL football games and cheering on our team - LETS GO COLTS! We are hoping that its the COLTS VS. SAINTS in the super bowl!
Eric was just saying how tired he is and how it is so frustrating to him not to have the energy to do much but he is grateful. We sent a letter again off to Eric's donor .. we are so grateful to him. It is hard to not be able to meet him and reveal any of our personal identity with him yet but we understand the rules. We are at least able to send him letters and hope he realizes how amazing he is and how grateful we are to him. We can not wait to meet him!
His white cells are 3.3 we would like them back to what they were right before we left Texas which was around 4.5-5.9 but again they feel the chemo he had to have those 4 weeks right before we came home threw them off for a little awhile due to that EBV virus that reactivated in his B cells. His red cells are holding good at about 3.26 marked critical low as well as his other counts but he is holding on.
We still have to do IV treatments through the week which take about 5-6 hours here at home, so that is fun... We are grateful that Eric is able to be out of the hospital and home with us, that we are a family again. We feel blessed to have him doing ok right now at least we are not down in Texas for a second bone marrow transplant as we had thought a few weeks ago. We are loving watching as a family all the NFL football games and cheering on our team - LETS GO COLTS! We are hoping that its the COLTS VS. SAINTS in the super bowl!
Eric was just saying how tired he is and how it is so frustrating to him not to have the energy to do much but he is grateful. We sent a letter again off to Eric's donor .. we are so grateful to him. It is hard to not be able to meet him and reveal any of our personal identity with him yet but we understand the rules. We are at least able to send him letters and hope he realizes how amazing he is and how grateful we are to him. We can not wait to meet him!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Hard past few days...
I am sorry for the delay in posting but we received some pretty sad news late Saturday night and I have not been able to post anything out of one not sure what to say or think but also was a little in shock. Our good friends in Texas the Clark family whom have done so much for us found out that Jodie's cancer is back! :( It seems so unbelievable to us and so devastating, I really can not put words to express how deeply sad we are!
We know she is strong and such a ANGEL and inspiration to all of us, we are just sad and heart broken that it has returned! Jodie we love you, Matt and the kids and just as you have been there for us we will be there for you! Please pray for Jodie Clark and the Clark family! We know God has a plan for all of us and that miracles do happen everyday, we have seen it and we know that there is power in prayers!
Eric and I just sat and cried and looked at each other in disbelief after we talked to the Clark's on the phone. Sometimes although we have faith in the Lord you question why? How much more can anyone endure? How many times can you go through this wicked thing we call "CANCER"? It is so hard to be told you have cancer the first time but when you get some of your normalicy back, when you are in remission and you start to forget about the "CANCER LIFE" you had then to be told that it's back, that you have cancer again. There are no words to describe to those feelings!
Jodie and I were talking about how being told you have cancer the second time well the process of your feelings are so much more different then the first time. Jodie and I were saying how the first time your cry and cry for months and months pretty much out of control with no real hope or direction. Then when you are told that you have cancer the second time well if it makes sense at all you don't cry as much about the fear of the unknown, you know because you have already mourned your old "BEFORE CANCER LIFE". You cry now for the process you know you will have to endure again, for fact that you have to return to the "CANCER WAY OF LIFE". It is almost like well ignorance is bliss as I have said before, although hard it is sometimes better and easier to not know what you are headed for, not know the road you are about to take.
The Lord is there however for all of us and I have never felt alone, he has comforted us and me on so many occasions when everyone else has been gone- the Lord is ALWAYS THERE FOR US! Jodie is such an amazing person whom has been such an example to so many and I know the Lord has AMAZING BLESSINGS in store for her. Jodie "Doubt not, fear not."
As for us and Eric we are getting by ok. Eric's tacrolimus level is incredibly high still so they are changing his dosage to see if that will help at all. It's all a fine line. Eric's energy is low and he has been pretty tired lately. He apologizes for just sleeping and laying down but as I told him his body has been and continues to be going through so much. It will be a while before he can get more energy back, more like himself. We are so grateful to his donor, so grateful for our blessings and continue to strive to getting Eric healthy again.
We know she is strong and such a ANGEL and inspiration to all of us, we are just sad and heart broken that it has returned! Jodie we love you, Matt and the kids and just as you have been there for us we will be there for you! Please pray for Jodie Clark and the Clark family! We know God has a plan for all of us and that miracles do happen everyday, we have seen it and we know that there is power in prayers!
Eric and I just sat and cried and looked at each other in disbelief after we talked to the Clark's on the phone. Sometimes although we have faith in the Lord you question why? How much more can anyone endure? How many times can you go through this wicked thing we call "CANCER"? It is so hard to be told you have cancer the first time but when you get some of your normalicy back, when you are in remission and you start to forget about the "CANCER LIFE" you had then to be told that it's back, that you have cancer again. There are no words to describe to those feelings!
Jodie and I were talking about how being told you have cancer the second time well the process of your feelings are so much more different then the first time. Jodie and I were saying how the first time your cry and cry for months and months pretty much out of control with no real hope or direction. Then when you are told that you have cancer the second time well if it makes sense at all you don't cry as much about the fear of the unknown, you know because you have already mourned your old "BEFORE CANCER LIFE". You cry now for the process you know you will have to endure again, for fact that you have to return to the "CANCER WAY OF LIFE". It is almost like well ignorance is bliss as I have said before, although hard it is sometimes better and easier to not know what you are headed for, not know the road you are about to take.
The Lord is there however for all of us and I have never felt alone, he has comforted us and me on so many occasions when everyone else has been gone- the Lord is ALWAYS THERE FOR US! Jodie is such an amazing person whom has been such an example to so many and I know the Lord has AMAZING BLESSINGS in store for her. Jodie "Doubt not, fear not."
As for us and Eric we are getting by ok. Eric's tacrolimus level is incredibly high still so they are changing his dosage to see if that will help at all. It's all a fine line. Eric's energy is low and he has been pretty tired lately. He apologizes for just sleeping and laying down but as I told him his body has been and continues to be going through so much. It will be a while before he can get more energy back, more like himself. We are so grateful to his donor, so grateful for our blessings and continue to strive to getting Eric healthy again.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Results are in...
Today another blessing.. we received Eric's results back from his biopsy and it is not Graft Vs. Host! YEAHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Although they are not sure what kind of rash it is we continue with his steroid /medicine cream daily to try to get it to go away. The doctors are not sure what it is but said that it is not GVHD so that we are very grateful for! Eric has been extremely worried having this in the back on our minds the past week and half waiting for the results. It was a huge relief for us.
Eric has had a hard few weeks lately just being pretty tired, not feeling a good as right before we came home from Texas. His blood counts and levels have been alot lower with his creatinine and tacrolimus level high which is alot of him not feeling well. He has had a hard time adjusting to being home and known his limits and not over doing it. It was one thing to be in Texas and that was our main focus to take care of him and his recovery but to come home and fit back into the daily life routine, the kids, me working, his doctor appt's, his treatments and care it has been hard. I know some of you are saying "Hey this is what they wanted back right, their life- normalcy?" Yes we did and we are grateful I just think it is hard to try to keep up on his care and have everything else going on as well.
I feel bad sometimes I feel like I am not taking as good as care of him as I was back in Texas. I have so much going on and trying to work, be the mom and dad right now and take care of him sometimes I think I fall short and I feel bad for that. I know he understands, it is me more than anyone who has a hard time with that. Eric on the other hand has a hard time not helping me, he says he feels useless and he keeps apologizing that all he does is lay around and rest. I told him I think he has a very valid reason for needing to rest its not like he just came back from the fight of his life or anything.
Anyone who knows Eric all to well knows that he is a very busy guy, hates to sit around, always wanting to go and do something for someone, fix something, help out, be active so this down time is really hard for him. He kept telling me when I get home that is all I need and I will be able to make all those doctors eat their words about how long I will be down from this, how it will take a long time to recover. He said even though everyone we have meet that has had a bone marrow transplant all say that their biggest complaint is never feeling well, feeling like only 20% energy of what they used to be that is them I will prove them wrong! He just said to me today I still think I am going to push myself and be back sooner then the doctors think but I now see what some of those other transplant patients are saying my energy is so low, it is really hard to just get up and get in the shower and not get worn out!
Poor guy I see the frustration in his face everyday when his mind wants to do so much but his body just can't. I believe in him, if anyone can do it it will be Eric. He is the strongest man I know and he amazes me everyday with his strength and courage! His counts were just faxed over to me a few hours ago from his home health nurse and it still amazes me how from day to day they change and vary. He went lower again yesterday his white cells were 7.1 (from the daily nuepogen shots) , he is today only 4.1. His tacrolimus level went up again to 8.2 that is the critical to be at the highest 4.0. We meet again tomorrow with his Oncologist here in Utah (we meet with him every Friday) so we should be able to know more then. Eric was given last week a handicap plate for the car- as I am sure you all know Eric and how he feels about that. The doctor feels his energy is so low and he has to take rests so much that he really needs to use that for when we do go out.
I am so grateful to Eric's donor and the unconditional love he has, we can not wait to met him! I have leaned on alot of scriptures and books to help me through this as you know I have mentioned several quotes and scriptures before. One quote from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland his book " Broken Things to Mend" He says " Just believing, just having a molecule of faith- that simple step, when focused on the Lord Jesus Christ, has ever been and always will be the first principle of His eternal gospel, the first step out of despair." Another amazing book "Hard Times and Holy Places" by Kristin Belcher quotes " Trials and difficulties can, if we let them, become holy places- places where we can feel the power of the Atonement in our lives. Our struggles can be consecrated to our good and growth, and you and I can become more like Christ." What peace and comfort these words bring, how true they are. I can testify on many occasions these examples, these are the very things I feel I have been able to experience first hand.
Austin came up to me the other day and told me " Mom I am so happy that the Lord has blessed Dad and he was able to come home to us, it feels so good to have you guys home- we are very lucky huh Mom?" He is right we are very BLESSED!
Eric has had a hard few weeks lately just being pretty tired, not feeling a good as right before we came home from Texas. His blood counts and levels have been alot lower with his creatinine and tacrolimus level high which is alot of him not feeling well. He has had a hard time adjusting to being home and known his limits and not over doing it. It was one thing to be in Texas and that was our main focus to take care of him and his recovery but to come home and fit back into the daily life routine, the kids, me working, his doctor appt's, his treatments and care it has been hard. I know some of you are saying "Hey this is what they wanted back right, their life- normalcy?" Yes we did and we are grateful I just think it is hard to try to keep up on his care and have everything else going on as well.
I feel bad sometimes I feel like I am not taking as good as care of him as I was back in Texas. I have so much going on and trying to work, be the mom and dad right now and take care of him sometimes I think I fall short and I feel bad for that. I know he understands, it is me more than anyone who has a hard time with that. Eric on the other hand has a hard time not helping me, he says he feels useless and he keeps apologizing that all he does is lay around and rest. I told him I think he has a very valid reason for needing to rest its not like he just came back from the fight of his life or anything.
Anyone who knows Eric all to well knows that he is a very busy guy, hates to sit around, always wanting to go and do something for someone, fix something, help out, be active so this down time is really hard for him. He kept telling me when I get home that is all I need and I will be able to make all those doctors eat their words about how long I will be down from this, how it will take a long time to recover. He said even though everyone we have meet that has had a bone marrow transplant all say that their biggest complaint is never feeling well, feeling like only 20% energy of what they used to be that is them I will prove them wrong! He just said to me today I still think I am going to push myself and be back sooner then the doctors think but I now see what some of those other transplant patients are saying my energy is so low, it is really hard to just get up and get in the shower and not get worn out!
Poor guy I see the frustration in his face everyday when his mind wants to do so much but his body just can't. I believe in him, if anyone can do it it will be Eric. He is the strongest man I know and he amazes me everyday with his strength and courage! His counts were just faxed over to me a few hours ago from his home health nurse and it still amazes me how from day to day they change and vary. He went lower again yesterday his white cells were 7.1 (from the daily nuepogen shots) , he is today only 4.1. His tacrolimus level went up again to 8.2 that is the critical to be at the highest 4.0. We meet again tomorrow with his Oncologist here in Utah (we meet with him every Friday) so we should be able to know more then. Eric was given last week a handicap plate for the car- as I am sure you all know Eric and how he feels about that. The doctor feels his energy is so low and he has to take rests so much that he really needs to use that for when we do go out.
I am so grateful to Eric's donor and the unconditional love he has, we can not wait to met him! I have leaned on alot of scriptures and books to help me through this as you know I have mentioned several quotes and scriptures before. One quote from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland his book " Broken Things to Mend" He says " Just believing, just having a molecule of faith- that simple step, when focused on the Lord Jesus Christ, has ever been and always will be the first principle of His eternal gospel, the first step out of despair." Another amazing book "Hard Times and Holy Places" by Kristin Belcher quotes " Trials and difficulties can, if we let them, become holy places- places where we can feel the power of the Atonement in our lives. Our struggles can be consecrated to our good and growth, and you and I can become more like Christ." What peace and comfort these words bring, how true they are. I can testify on many occasions these examples, these are the very things I feel I have been able to experience first hand.
Austin came up to me the other day and told me " Mom I am so happy that the Lord has blessed Dad and he was able to come home to us, it feels so good to have you guys home- we are very lucky huh Mom?" He is right we are very BLESSED!
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
New Year...New Hopes!
Well I am so glad to see it's a start of a New Year! We are so hoping and praying for a better year this year, one with less worries and health concerns, one were we can hopefully start to get back a little bit to normal. Eric had a decline a little again on his white cells he went to 2.5 and his absolute neutrophils only at a 1.7 (not good- they never want it lower than 2.4). So more Nuepogen shots in his stomach again for 5 days in a row.
We have our own little hospital station pretty much set up in the family room, IV pole, IV fluids, shots/needles, syringes, alcohol pads, masks, gloves, heparin and saline, etc. I never wanted to be a nurse but I definitely think I could pass as one now for sure! Eric's energy has been ok, a little low probably from his blood counts. It has been a little nice to get the kids back to school this week so Eric can make sure to rest and get a nap in during the day. He had missed them so much and wanted to be with them every second he could when they were home on Christmas break that he would never allow himself a chance to rest! I am so proud of the kids they have handled all this stress and their Dad's health so well, you know you worry about them in situations like this- how they will hold up but I am proud of both of them!
They have had to grow up faster than most kids their age due to the situation and I could not be more prouder of them! I am so thankful to the Lord for the constant blessings and watching over them while I was gone along with the help of so many others whom I am so grateful for! We know of our Fathers in Heavens love for us and that he has used many of you as his tools to guide and help us! We miss the Clark Family sooooooo much! They are amazing, wonderful people whom have taught me so much about sacrifice and unconditional love! The Lord has so much in store for them I am sure and I am blessed to have been part of their lives!
With the New Year comes all of our new years resolutions and goals! Some practical, some silly and ridiculous and some very important and real! This year I have found myself giving up on the more silly ones like losing weight and making more important eternal goals that I know I need! I want to be a better wife, a better mom, a better daughter of our heavenly father so I may return to him again with honor- my head held high. I will strive to not only be those things but the little steps to get to those bigger goals. Read my scriptures daily with my family ( I have been able to set a pattern for reading myself but need to be better as a family), daily family prayer even on those rushed bad days ( there is something to be said for kneeling down as a family and praying to our Father in Heaven), paying a honest tithing, going to the temple, be an better eternal family and serving others! So many have served us during the past months that I want to pay that forward, I want to make a difference in peoples lives like people have done to us!
Going through this life and death health situation and trial that we have been and continue to experience opens yours eyes in a way that I don't think anyone unless they go through it themselves can relate or understand. You learn alot of people, who really loves you and who doesn't, who your family and friends really are, some exceed your wildest expectations and some fall short and disappoint you but you learn what and who really matters. Like the song says you get a chance, "Someday I hope you get the chance..to live like you are dying". It is so true, living in the moment, catching every breath someone takes, taking pictures in your heart for those eternal memories that no matter what NO ONE CAN TAKE AWAY FROM YOU!
We may have had to lose a little, give up some relationships but also gained some new relationships but we have a SECOND CHANCE! Some people never know that feeling and although this has been easily the HARDEST TRIAL I think we have ever had to endure I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for giving me this trial to learn and grow from, to make me realize my true strength and know there are no limits! All things are possible with the gospel and the Lord in our lives! I know this, I always have I guess I just needed to be reminded! There have been moments where I pleaded with the Lord, harder than I thought would ever be possible to just take all of this away, that I had learned whatever he wanted me to learn already and I could not do it anymore... Guess what? The Lord didn't agree and take it all away, he just put his arms around me, allowed me to cry and listened and comforted me and gave me strength to get through the next step. That is all we can do, pray for strength to get to the next day, hour sometimes even next seconds. He has always been there and always will be!
I know so many of you would have probably handled yourselves so much better than us, walked in this trial with probably so much more confidence and grace but I do know we are trying to handle this with the most dignity and grace that we can. I am so grateful to be Eric's wife, I am honored to have him as my eternal companion. My family as always said that Eric and I have a fairy tale marriage, love story, one that they have always admired and they are right! Most of us dream of a man as great as Eric and I am so grateful to him and will forever spend the rest of my life trying to be half the person he is!
We have our own little hospital station pretty much set up in the family room, IV pole, IV fluids, shots/needles, syringes, alcohol pads, masks, gloves, heparin and saline, etc. I never wanted to be a nurse but I definitely think I could pass as one now for sure! Eric's energy has been ok, a little low probably from his blood counts. It has been a little nice to get the kids back to school this week so Eric can make sure to rest and get a nap in during the day. He had missed them so much and wanted to be with them every second he could when they were home on Christmas break that he would never allow himself a chance to rest! I am so proud of the kids they have handled all this stress and their Dad's health so well, you know you worry about them in situations like this- how they will hold up but I am proud of both of them!
They have had to grow up faster than most kids their age due to the situation and I could not be more prouder of them! I am so thankful to the Lord for the constant blessings and watching over them while I was gone along with the help of so many others whom I am so grateful for! We know of our Fathers in Heavens love for us and that he has used many of you as his tools to guide and help us! We miss the Clark Family sooooooo much! They are amazing, wonderful people whom have taught me so much about sacrifice and unconditional love! The Lord has so much in store for them I am sure and I am blessed to have been part of their lives!
With the New Year comes all of our new years resolutions and goals! Some practical, some silly and ridiculous and some very important and real! This year I have found myself giving up on the more silly ones like losing weight and making more important eternal goals that I know I need! I want to be a better wife, a better mom, a better daughter of our heavenly father so I may return to him again with honor- my head held high. I will strive to not only be those things but the little steps to get to those bigger goals. Read my scriptures daily with my family ( I have been able to set a pattern for reading myself but need to be better as a family), daily family prayer even on those rushed bad days ( there is something to be said for kneeling down as a family and praying to our Father in Heaven), paying a honest tithing, going to the temple, be an better eternal family and serving others! So many have served us during the past months that I want to pay that forward, I want to make a difference in peoples lives like people have done to us!
Going through this life and death health situation and trial that we have been and continue to experience opens yours eyes in a way that I don't think anyone unless they go through it themselves can relate or understand. You learn alot of people, who really loves you and who doesn't, who your family and friends really are, some exceed your wildest expectations and some fall short and disappoint you but you learn what and who really matters. Like the song says you get a chance, "Someday I hope you get the chance..to live like you are dying". It is so true, living in the moment, catching every breath someone takes, taking pictures in your heart for those eternal memories that no matter what NO ONE CAN TAKE AWAY FROM YOU!
We may have had to lose a little, give up some relationships but also gained some new relationships but we have a SECOND CHANCE! Some people never know that feeling and although this has been easily the HARDEST TRIAL I think we have ever had to endure I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for giving me this trial to learn and grow from, to make me realize my true strength and know there are no limits! All things are possible with the gospel and the Lord in our lives! I know this, I always have I guess I just needed to be reminded! There have been moments where I pleaded with the Lord, harder than I thought would ever be possible to just take all of this away, that I had learned whatever he wanted me to learn already and I could not do it anymore... Guess what? The Lord didn't agree and take it all away, he just put his arms around me, allowed me to cry and listened and comforted me and gave me strength to get through the next step. That is all we can do, pray for strength to get to the next day, hour sometimes even next seconds. He has always been there and always will be!
I know so many of you would have probably handled yourselves so much better than us, walked in this trial with probably so much more confidence and grace but I do know we are trying to handle this with the most dignity and grace that we can. I am so grateful to be Eric's wife, I am honored to have him as my eternal companion. My family as always said that Eric and I have a fairy tale marriage, love story, one that they have always admired and they are right! Most of us dream of a man as great as Eric and I am so grateful to him and will forever spend the rest of my life trying to be half the person he is!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
