Many times I would here the words from this amazing hymn in my heart and mind as I watched Eric struggle throughout his transplant, when I had my two children crying to me asking "Why?" or say " Mom but this is not fair, why Dad, why us?" Many times I would have to dig deep and sing these words from this hymn and it would always bring me peace and comfort and allow me to look at the blessing we do have, to focus on the blessings we had been given not so much on Eric dying and his cancer.
These very words helped me on days when I thought we would, could not possibly get through one more minute like this during Eric's transplant. I think of his donor and the ultimate sacrifice he made very unselfishly saving Eric's life. I have such love and gratitude for him even though we have not met I am so amazed by his unconditional love for a complete stranger. I have always told my two kids "Attitude of Gratitude" I remind them often and have a sign in the family room where we all can see and be reminded of this. All of us not just my family have so much to be grateful for, so many blessings not just at Thanksgiving time but all the time. We all can count our many blessings, name them one by one....These words we all can carry and sing in our hearts and minds to help us when times are bad and even more importantly when times are good.
So often we remember our blessings and reflect when things are good but I have learned through personal experience how important that is when things are not so good, when things actually quite bad. When we are going through trials and tribulations that is when our faith and strength is not only tested but grown. I know how grateful I am for all my many blessings, for Eric and his health, for his bone marrow donor, for my two beautiful kids, for my home, food on the table, the gospel and scriptures, my career, so many things the Lord has given us.
When upon life's billows you are tempest-tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.
Count your blessings
Name them one by one
Count your blessings
See what God hath done
Count your blessings
Name them one by one
Count your many blessings
See what God hath done
Are you ever burden with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly
And you will be singing as the days go by
When you look at others with their lands and gold
Think that Christ has promised you his wealth untold
Count your many blessings, money can not buy
Your reward in heaven nor your home on high
So amid your conflict, whether great or small
Do not be discouraged, God is over all
Count your many blessings, angels will attend
Help and comfort give you to your journey's end.
I can not tell you how much these words have helped me and provide me peace and comfort allowing me to recognize all of my many blessings even during hard times. I am so grateful to the Lord and I keep thinking about where just last year we were at and what was going on and I am so grateful to the Clark family and our "Texas Ward" being there for us when we were so far away from home, alone for the Holidays.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I hope you enjoy your holiday and most importantly remember to always count your many blessings!
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Sunday, November 14, 2010
18 Years- Happy Anniversary!
Today is our Wedding Anniversary, we have been married for 18 years! It has been the best 18 years of my life! I am so grateful for Eric's donor who saved his life and made it possible to be able to be celebrating another amazing year with my eternal companion. I look at Eric everyday and smile with such happiness that he brings me. I remember last year we were back in Texas Eric not feeling well for our Anniversary and Eric telling me that he would make it up to me next year.
Eric you have already made it up to me just by being here by my side and doing better. These past few months have been one of reflection, memories some good and some bad of reliving each day and moment of where we were this time last year but mostly of being able to be thankful and recognize all the blessings the Lord has given us. Eric is doing so well and I am so thankful for our miracles and tender mercies the Lord blessed us with.
I remember a few times when Eric thought he would not possibly make it he had told me that he loves me so much and that even if he is gone that he really will not be cause he will be mine and the kids guardian angel watching over us and protecting us. He wanted to make sure I knew that so many times he would make sure to remind me of that. Oh how thankful I am that the Lord blessed Eric with more time and that at least for now Eric has been blessed to be still here with us.
Eric still has not been able to read the blog he says it is to hard for him but I am sure maybe some day he will in time when he is ready. Eric I am so happy to be married to you and your eternal companion. I love you so much I don't think in words I could ever express how much you mean to me. What peace and comfort I feel knowing that we are the eternal companions and that we will always be together forever. I am so thankful to your donor who saved your life and gave me the amazing miracle and gift of more time with you. You are my world, I wake up everyday happy and knowing that I am so blessed to have you!
Eric you are an amazing Dad whom the kids love to be with. The smile on their faces and the laughter they have when you guys are together is a BIG GIFT to me as I love watching all of you spend time together and making these amazing memories that we will continue to cherish forever! I know you know this but both the kids are so thankful for you and happy to have you healthier and home again! You are so funny, your sense of humor is never gone and you keep me on my toes with all of your funny comments and little "pranks" you do. I had missed that so much during those hard 5- 10 months you were really battling your bone marrow transplant. What a MIRACLE you are Eric and I love you so much! Happy 18 Years Wedding Anniversary! I know we will have many more, thanks to your amazing donor.
Eric you have already made it up to me just by being here by my side and doing better. These past few months have been one of reflection, memories some good and some bad of reliving each day and moment of where we were this time last year but mostly of being able to be thankful and recognize all the blessings the Lord has given us. Eric is doing so well and I am so thankful for our miracles and tender mercies the Lord blessed us with.
I remember a few times when Eric thought he would not possibly make it he had told me that he loves me so much and that even if he is gone that he really will not be cause he will be mine and the kids guardian angel watching over us and protecting us. He wanted to make sure I knew that so many times he would make sure to remind me of that. Oh how thankful I am that the Lord blessed Eric with more time and that at least for now Eric has been blessed to be still here with us.
Eric still has not been able to read the blog he says it is to hard for him but I am sure maybe some day he will in time when he is ready. Eric I am so happy to be married to you and your eternal companion. I love you so much I don't think in words I could ever express how much you mean to me. What peace and comfort I feel knowing that we are the eternal companions and that we will always be together forever. I am so thankful to your donor who saved your life and gave me the amazing miracle and gift of more time with you. You are my world, I wake up everyday happy and knowing that I am so blessed to have you!
Eric you are an amazing Dad whom the kids love to be with. The smile on their faces and the laughter they have when you guys are together is a BIG GIFT to me as I love watching all of you spend time together and making these amazing memories that we will continue to cherish forever! I know you know this but both the kids are so thankful for you and happy to have you healthier and home again! You are so funny, your sense of humor is never gone and you keep me on my toes with all of your funny comments and little "pranks" you do. I had missed that so much during those hard 5- 10 months you were really battling your bone marrow transplant. What a MIRACLE you are Eric and I love you so much! Happy 18 Years Wedding Anniversary! I know we will have many more, thanks to your amazing donor.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
The Journey of Hope Continues....
Eric is doing so good! We went into his Cancer doctor appt yesterday and things could not be better they say. They remind us that we are not out of the woods yet, one more year before they can say that but he is doing pretty good. Other than he came down with a horrible head cold and cough that has kept him in bed the past few days. His doctor says since he has not been running a fever he is not worried yet to just have Eric get alot of rest to sleep it off and come in immediately if he starts a fever. Thankfully no fever yet!
Eric's blood counts have been pretty good other than we started to worry cause his platelets went down the last 3 weeks in a row which has happened before and caused us worry (last time that was a sign of his virus he had to have the additional chemo treatments for) but we are so thankful they went up yesterday back to 102. His doctor says he would like them higher but at least they went back up again. Eric's red cells are OK holding at 4.03 alot lower than normal and still in critical stages but holding in there, his white cells are at 3.3 also lower and in the critical marks but they at least want them above the 3.0 so all in all pretty good. Eric has to get all his immunizations vaccines just like a new born baby all over again so they have started that process. His bone marrow transplant wiped all that out, all the good and the bad so he needs to redo them all over the next 2-3 years in stages.
I am so grateful for our blessings the Lord has given us and for how good Eric is doing right now, for his amazing donor whom I can not wait to meet in another 10 months! I am grateful to the Lord for giving us this journey and providing us the lessons and spiritual growth we needed to learn. I am grateful also to Eric's work, his new supervisor Ken whom has went above and beyond to make sure Eric is safe and not pushing it, remembering all his health restrictions and not pushing him to much. Eric has a new case load at work which has been alot for him to learn but also good on him as well, less stress than when he first came back. I thank his co-workers for always being mindful of Eric and that he is still fragile, coming back from his bone marrow transplant and helping him out it means so much to me! When you almost lose someone you become very protective over them even more and you want to cherish everything!
The past few months have been a little harder I think for Eric and I. We have been reliving in our minds alot the stages of the last year and what was going on at each step. It's been a year so I guess it common for people to relive all the steps and hard days but I often remind myself the end result right now and where we are at in the journey and that is important to recognize the mile stones and how far Eric has come. Last year Eric and I were still in Texas trying to get his body to heal, missing our kids so much, worried about alot of things. This year we are still worried but we are at least home as a family with our two beautiful kids, Eric moving forward towards recovery, back to work, getting our normal life back some what.
I am so thankful to the Lord for all he has given us, the blessings, the tender mercies and most of all more time with Eric. Not a day goes by that I do not think of his donor whom saved his life, the sacrifice he made for a stranger, how awesome that is and know the Lord helped guide this miracle! I am grateful for the Lord giving our family strength to get through this trial, the hardest thing I think we all have had to do! I recognize that with the Lord all things are possible. I am grateful for all of our friends, neighbors, ward (HOME WARD AND TEXAS WARD), the Clark family, family, co-workers and even some complete strangers whom helped lift our burden and walked with us throughout our "Journey of Hope". I am grateful to my two amazing children whom have had to bear so much, I am proud of them how they handle it all and conducted themselves. They had to be very strong and we love and appreciate them so much! They are better people for going through such a hard trial and I see such amazing growth from them both through it not only emotionally but spiritually. I constantly remind them and ask them " Do you realize how blessed we are that Daddy is doing good?" "Have you remembered to thank the Lord and Daddy's donor today?"
I know they do I just don't ever want them to forget to be humble, grateful and thank to Lord and Eric's donor. Sometimes life gets so busy we get back to the hum drum of life but after going through what we have all went through I do not think there will ever be a day that goes by that we will not be so grateful! Our journey still continues but hope is also faith and our faith is strong, with the Lord all things are possible. We have always known that but sometimes the faith has been as little as a mustard seed on days, how grateful I am for the gospel and the knowledge it brings us all, the peace and comfort that we get!
Eric's blood counts have been pretty good other than we started to worry cause his platelets went down the last 3 weeks in a row which has happened before and caused us worry (last time that was a sign of his virus he had to have the additional chemo treatments for) but we are so thankful they went up yesterday back to 102. His doctor says he would like them higher but at least they went back up again. Eric's red cells are OK holding at 4.03 alot lower than normal and still in critical stages but holding in there, his white cells are at 3.3 also lower and in the critical marks but they at least want them above the 3.0 so all in all pretty good. Eric has to get all his immunizations vaccines just like a new born baby all over again so they have started that process. His bone marrow transplant wiped all that out, all the good and the bad so he needs to redo them all over the next 2-3 years in stages.
I am so grateful for our blessings the Lord has given us and for how good Eric is doing right now, for his amazing donor whom I can not wait to meet in another 10 months! I am grateful to the Lord for giving us this journey and providing us the lessons and spiritual growth we needed to learn. I am grateful also to Eric's work, his new supervisor Ken whom has went above and beyond to make sure Eric is safe and not pushing it, remembering all his health restrictions and not pushing him to much. Eric has a new case load at work which has been alot for him to learn but also good on him as well, less stress than when he first came back. I thank his co-workers for always being mindful of Eric and that he is still fragile, coming back from his bone marrow transplant and helping him out it means so much to me! When you almost lose someone you become very protective over them even more and you want to cherish everything!
The past few months have been a little harder I think for Eric and I. We have been reliving in our minds alot the stages of the last year and what was going on at each step. It's been a year so I guess it common for people to relive all the steps and hard days but I often remind myself the end result right now and where we are at in the journey and that is important to recognize the mile stones and how far Eric has come. Last year Eric and I were still in Texas trying to get his body to heal, missing our kids so much, worried about alot of things. This year we are still worried but we are at least home as a family with our two beautiful kids, Eric moving forward towards recovery, back to work, getting our normal life back some what.
I am so thankful to the Lord for all he has given us, the blessings, the tender mercies and most of all more time with Eric. Not a day goes by that I do not think of his donor whom saved his life, the sacrifice he made for a stranger, how awesome that is and know the Lord helped guide this miracle! I am grateful for the Lord giving our family strength to get through this trial, the hardest thing I think we all have had to do! I recognize that with the Lord all things are possible. I am grateful for all of our friends, neighbors, ward (HOME WARD AND TEXAS WARD), the Clark family, family, co-workers and even some complete strangers whom helped lift our burden and walked with us throughout our "Journey of Hope". I am grateful to my two amazing children whom have had to bear so much, I am proud of them how they handle it all and conducted themselves. They had to be very strong and we love and appreciate them so much! They are better people for going through such a hard trial and I see such amazing growth from them both through it not only emotionally but spiritually. I constantly remind them and ask them " Do you realize how blessed we are that Daddy is doing good?" "Have you remembered to thank the Lord and Daddy's donor today?"
I know they do I just don't ever want them to forget to be humble, grateful and thank to Lord and Eric's donor. Sometimes life gets so busy we get back to the hum drum of life but after going through what we have all went through I do not think there will ever be a day that goes by that we will not be so grateful! Our journey still continues but hope is also faith and our faith is strong, with the Lord all things are possible. We have always known that but sometimes the faith has been as little as a mustard seed on days, how grateful I am for the gospel and the knowledge it brings us all, the peace and comfort that we get!
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