17 Years!!!

Today is our wedding anniversary. Eric and I have been married for 17 years! I can't wait to get to 50 years! We have had alot packed into our 17 years some of which has been a little unbelievable. Most people get through life without cancer and we have had 2 runs with cancer. We have had Eric's cancer and health problems since June 19,2002. I can not believe how long we really have been dealing with it! We did have a few breaks in between- Eric was in remission from May 2003 to March 2006 but since then we have been on the roller coaster again!

I really am married to the MOST AMAZING MAN in the world! He is strong, a fighter and he is always so happy and positive! That has always been a wonderful trait of Eric's is his sense of humor, happy all the time, always the positive person. I think that is what helps him so much to fight his cancer and get through this bone marrow transplant! I know that his positive outlook on life and love for everyone and everything is definitely what has helped him. I remember when Eric was first diagnosed they placed him on hospice and told us to prepare for his death. That was 7 years ago, he is still fighting to stay alive, still showing such strength and courage. I am so grateful to the Lord for placing Eric in my life, for him to be my eternal companion and most of all the father of my children. I could not ask for a better husband and father to our kids!

Really I am so lucky and know that I do not deserve such a great man. He is what keeps me going, I strive to be more like him everyday. Eric was telling the nurse yesterday that he could not be in my place, taking care of everything and him, working, being the Mom and Dad right now and caring for him. I laughed and said that I don't know how he says that cause it is me whom looks at him with such admiration, such respect for how strong he is and how much of a fighter he is! He is amazing and I am honored to be apart of his life, we all are so much better because of him. The nurse agreed with me and said "Somehow I am sure she feels the other way and thinks she could not be doing what you are doing and going through fighting for your life!"

I know I probably sound like a broken record but I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for all the blessings he has and continues to give me and my family. I have such a strong testimony of him and the plan he has for us. I know that he is mindful of our trials and journeys and wants us to be happy and it is with him and only him that we will be. I pray each day for continued strength, growth and love that I may do what he wants me to do. I know I have a LONG WAY to go but I am trying to be more like he wants me to be. All I can think of is if I only had a few wishes what would they be. I would wish that Eric could be cured and happy, healthy again and that he and my two children always stay close to the Lord and do good in the world. I hope the Lord continues to bless us and that we will be able to come home soon and be a family again!

I can't believe I am saying this but I want to come home and all I do is be a MOM, clean the house, make meals, run the kids around, work, spend time as a family! I miss the NORMAL LIFE and at times wonder if we will ever get it back. I wonder if this is our new NORMAL LIFE or just a temporary one and that we will get back what we loved. I know we will if we have faith and do what the Lord has asked us to do. I feel like this last 5 months have been the hardest months of my life and I have really had to get to the depths of the darkness and be all alone, relying on what all of us must always rely on the Lord. My testimony and love for my Savior has grown so much and brought me from total devastation to peace and comfort. I do not know if this journey will end how I want it to end, if this story will be a happy ending...but what I do know is that I love the Lord and know that with him all things are possible. I know that no matter the ending that I will always be comforted, loved and protected with him and that I have to have faith. Even if it is as small as a mustard seed at times, faith is what will get us through all things. I am so grateful for one more minute, one more hour, one more day I have with Eric and I will forever be indebted to the Lord for allowing me more time with him!