Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!!! Today is one of my favorite holidays! Every year, every day we always have so much to be so thankful for, so many blessings! This year however our hearts are so full with love and gratitude. We are so thankful to the Lord for blessing us with more time with Eric, so thankful for Eric's donor and unconditional love from him to save his life and not even know us or have ever meet us. Thankful for the Lord and the many blessings he has given us, thankful for all of you guys whom have given us love, support! We have truly been blessed and we are so thankful!

Matt Clark was nice to take all the kids down to Kema on the boardwalk by the ocean where there are rides and stuff to have fun for the day while Eric and I were at the hospital for the daily routine. We stopped by for the last hour of the kids having fun there at Kema to get some pictures and see them having fun! It was great and such a beautiful place right by the Ocean!

I hope there is not a person out there that doesn't know how much we love and appreciate you for all you have done for us, our family! We have had so many blessings, so many miracles big and small and we are so humble and know the Lord has directed and guided it all! I am so thankful Eric is responding and doing well from his bone marrow transplant, thankful that we are able to all spend the Thanksgiving Holiday together as a family and have the kids here, thankful for the Clark family and our wonderful love and friendship we have developed, thankful they have invited to us to be with them for the Holiday.

I could go on and on and I am sure it still would not be enough! Most of all though I am so thankful to the Lord for allowing us more time with Eric, for blessings us through this trial. This has been the hardest thing we have had to do and I am so thankful that we have known the peace and comfort from the Lord and known the promised eternal blessings we have. In the Old Testament Psalms 92 " It is a good thing to give thanks unto the Lord, and to sing praises unto thy name, O most High"

Good news...

Today is day 76 from Eric's bone marrow transplant. He is doing pretty good, he is getting chemo again today so a long day. Usually Eric will not feel well for the next few days after chemo but then starts to feel better. We are excited the kids are coming today for Thanksgiving break and we can not wait! :) They will be here all week coming home next Monday so it will be nice for them to see Eric feeling better than when they were down in September. He was doing pretty bad then and they commented on how weak and tired he looked so I am glad he is a little better now.

I am posting another picture of Eric, he is looking pretty good. A little stronger and he has been able to gain a little bit of weight back. About 7 pounds which is good. Eating still about 2 small meals a day not much of an appetite but better. Drinking alot of water, they need him to flush his kidneys good so he really tries to have at least 4 liters a day.

We have some really exciting news that we have known for a little bit but we didn't want to jinx anything so we really tried to not get our hopes up to much but the doctors have given us permission to book our flights home for 12/7/09!!! YEAAAAHH! That is 2 days before Chelsea's 16th Birthday which we have been trying to get home by all along. Now the doctors have stressed that this is just a target date but if anything happens, any set backs we will not be able to leave so we have to really be on pins and needles until that actual date. I pray Eric will continue to improve and that we do get to come home on 12/7/09.

I am so thankful to the Lord for all the blessings we have and will always be so grateful for all our blessings! I know that this journey we are on is his plan and that we are being directed, guided and protected. I am very thankful to Eric's donor and his family for the unconditional love he has and look forward to the day we can meet him! I have such mixed emotions this week with the Thanksgiving Holiday. I am so grateful we can be together as a family and that we have Eric with us doing well and responding to his bone marrow transplant but I am also a little sad that we are not home for the holiday and spending Thanksgiving at home. We are so grateful to our friends the Clark Family for their love and support, we will be spending Thanksgiving with them and we are so excited!

Day 72 from bone marrow transplant...

Sorry it has been a little longer than I wanted. It has been a very busy week! Today is day 72 from Eric's bone marrow transplant! He has been a little tired, going in for chemo always knocks him back down a few days and then by the weekend he starts to feel better. Just in time to get chemo again on Tuesday, but we are grateful he is still responding.

Eric's blood counts are 4.4 on his white cells, hemoglobin 9.8, red cells 3.00 and platelets 32. We are a little concerned cause his platelets are still dropping and that was why we started this chemo to get this EBV virus he has in his B cells and help his platelets. They feel that was why his platelets are dropping is a direct result from the virus. We are waiting for his doctors to come in and we can see what they feel and if this is something we should be worried still about or expected at this point with the chemo.

They have scheduled Eric for another bone marrow biopsy, maybe that will tell us more. We continue on this journey knowing we have alot of blessings and the Lord guiding us along the way. We are so grateful to Lord, grateful for Eric's donor and hope that we will someday be able to meet him and express how much we love and appreciate him.

We are getting excited for the kids to come on Tuesday for the week of Thanksgiving and I can not wait for them to see their Dad more like himself. Tired but still the old Eric not sleeping, in pain and sick on morphine like the last time they were here. It will definitely be a Thanksgiving Holiday to remember and reflect on our blessings and all the Lord has given us.

17 Years!!!

Today is our wedding anniversary. Eric and I have been married for 17 years! I can't wait to get to 50 years! We have had alot packed into our 17 years some of which has been a little unbelievable. Most people get through life without cancer and we have had 2 runs with cancer. We have had Eric's cancer and health problems since June 19,2002. I can not believe how long we really have been dealing with it! We did have a few breaks in between- Eric was in remission from May 2003 to March 2006 but since then we have been on the roller coaster again!

I really am married to the MOST AMAZING MAN in the world! He is strong, a fighter and he is always so happy and positive! That has always been a wonderful trait of Eric's is his sense of humor, happy all the time, always the positive person. I think that is what helps him so much to fight his cancer and get through this bone marrow transplant! I know that his positive outlook on life and love for everyone and everything is definitely what has helped him. I remember when Eric was first diagnosed they placed him on hospice and told us to prepare for his death. That was 7 years ago, he is still fighting to stay alive, still showing such strength and courage. I am so grateful to the Lord for placing Eric in my life, for him to be my eternal companion and most of all the father of my children. I could not ask for a better husband and father to our kids!

Really I am so lucky and know that I do not deserve such a great man. He is what keeps me going, I strive to be more like him everyday. Eric was telling the nurse yesterday that he could not be in my place, taking care of everything and him, working, being the Mom and Dad right now and caring for him. I laughed and said that I don't know how he says that cause it is me whom looks at him with such admiration, such respect for how strong he is and how much of a fighter he is! He is amazing and I am honored to be apart of his life, we all are so much better because of him. The nurse agreed with me and said "Somehow I am sure she feels the other way and thinks she could not be doing what you are doing and going through fighting for your life!"

I know I probably sound like a broken record but I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for all the blessings he has and continues to give me and my family. I have such a strong testimony of him and the plan he has for us. I know that he is mindful of our trials and journeys and wants us to be happy and it is with him and only him that we will be. I pray each day for continued strength, growth and love that I may do what he wants me to do. I know I have a LONG WAY to go but I am trying to be more like he wants me to be. All I can think of is if I only had a few wishes what would they be. I would wish that Eric could be cured and happy, healthy again and that he and my two children always stay close to the Lord and do good in the world. I hope the Lord continues to bless us and that we will be able to come home soon and be a family again!

I can't believe I am saying this but I want to come home and all I do is be a MOM, clean the house, make meals, run the kids around, work, spend time as a family! I miss the NORMAL LIFE and at times wonder if we will ever get it back. I wonder if this is our new NORMAL LIFE or just a temporary one and that we will get back what we loved. I know we will if we have faith and do what the Lord has asked us to do. I feel like this last 5 months have been the hardest months of my life and I have really had to get to the depths of the darkness and be all alone, relying on what all of us must always rely on the Lord. My testimony and love for my Savior has grown so much and brought me from total devastation to peace and comfort. I do not know if this journey will end how I want it to end, if this story will be a happy ending...but what I do know is that I love the Lord and know that with him all things are possible. I know that no matter the ending that I will always be comforted, loved and protected with him and that I have to have faith. Even if it is as small as a mustard seed at times, faith is what will get us through all things. I am so grateful for one more minute, one more hour, one more day I have with Eric and I will forever be indebted to the Lord for allowing me more time with him!

Day 65 from Bone Marrow Transplant..

Well today is day 65 since Eric's bone marrow transplant day! Eric had his chemo on Tuesday and it seemed to have knocked him down a few days and now he is starting to feel a little better- like most chemo he will start to just be feeling back to what he was then it's time to start chemo again on Tuesday. Eric's first treatment went well on Tuesday but by the evening he was extremely tired, had a really bad headache. He had to take pain medicine round the clock, the next morning on Wednesday woke up to a bad headache, nausea and vomiting but after a few days that subsided and back to feeling a little better. He still has the fatigue but that is expected with the bone marrow and additional fatigue with this EBV virus he has now.

Eric's counts are good his white cells are 5.8. hemoglobin 9.7, red cells 3.06 and his platelets went up for the first time in 2 weeks to 33 so that is good maybe this chemo Rituxan is already getting to those B cells and this EBV virus that was they believe making his platelets drop all the sudden the past 2 weeks. Eric is eating better 2 small meals a day which is good. They want him to increase to at least 4 liters of water to help his kidneys which has been hard to get him to do but we are working on it! We are still on track and hoping to get home for Christmas and Chelsea's 16th Birthday! We have alot of making up to do with the kids so we sure hope we can get home by Chelsea's Birthday- we have missed so much already.

We are getting excited for the kids to come down in a few weeks for the week of Thanksgiving! I can not believe it is already Thanksgiving! In my mind it is still summer we left down here to start this journey on May and I feel like we have lost time, days, holidays! Thank you so much to all of you who send your love in letters, cards, pictures, treats, gifts! We love to hear from everyone and Eric loves to hear the wonderful letters and words of encouragement. It really boosts his spirits and keeps him going.

The Lord is a constant power of strength for us and we know he is guiding our journey. We feel of his constant love and support as well as all of you and know that we will get through this! He never said it would be easy, only that it would be worth it!

More Chemo...4 weeks!

Well we had a few things change and come up...Eric is needing 4 weeks of chemo called Rituxan. He has to get it starting today once a week, 8 hours each time for 4 weeks! We were extremely worried that this is a huge set back and his doctors assured us it is not. Eric's test results showed he has a virus called EBV in his B cells. I guess we all have this in us and can activate in our bodies at anytime. Due to Eric's immune system being baby cells and not strong yet, still weak with immune suppressed his body reactivated this and created the virus in his B cells. The only way to get to this virus before it gets worse and turns into more of a problem like another infection the only way is to use this chemo that will directly get to the B cells only. This chemo is usually used for Lymphoma Cancer but they assured us he does not now have this cancer as well it's just a virus they need to be aggressive with and take care of before it turns worse.

So that makes really long days for us! He already would be here from 6am until around 3pm but now we have to add to that once a week additional 8 hours on top of that since they can not run this chemo during his regular treatments and IV fluids. I was worried that this would be a set back and make us be here longer they said that if he responds well and continues to have no other issues then we are still on track to go home in December by Christmas! THANK GOODNESS! Eric was worried he would have the shakes/riggers again, vomiting/nausea, fevers like last time when he had this before last Christmas but he so far has done well on the first day of chemo today and we are about half way through it!

We continue to pray for his recovery and health, bless that the doctors will continue to be guided and directed by the Lord. We are so grateful to the Lord for so many blessings and know he is so aware of us and our journey. We are very thankful for his donor and continue to pray for him and his family and can not wait to meet him in person and share our gratitude. The Lord and his powerful teachings are what continues to get us through this and we know with faith all things are possible. Only a few weeks longer and the kids will be flying down for the week for Thanksgiving week/holiday- we are so excited! It will definitely be a very different Thanksgiving Holiday, one we have not experienced before so far away from home and away from everyone but we have so much to be thankful for and our hearts are full of love and gratitude.

We have meet so many friends down here, so many that are going through the same struggles and trials as we are. It is amazing to see all of us connect on a level that I have never seen before. All of us come from so many different faiths/ religion/ beliefs but yet all of us recognize and know the Lord is protecting us, providing us all strength and guiding all of our paths. Thy will, not our will. We rejoice in the days when we get to hear all the doctors and nurses come in and sing "Your Going Home" song to the patients when they are leaving to go home finally from their last appointments here. We all get tears in our eyes and cry along with the ones who are getting their song for them, with a little prayer in our hearts that they will continue to do well and that hopefully we will get to hear those words sung to us "Your Going Home". I don't think I have ever heard those words sound more sweeter and sung more beautiful than when you know it means the end of the hard journey that has brought all of us here, to fight for our lives back. I can not wait to hear those words, to hear that beautiful song and know it's the end of this journey and the start of our new transplant life as a family!

Day 60 from Transplant!!

Today is day 60 since Eric's bone marrow transplant date- YEAHH! Yesterday Eric's kidney levels were lower they went from 2.1 down to 1.6 which is good so they were able to give him his Ambizone. His blood counts are pretty good his white 5.4, red blood cells 3.32, hemoglobin 10.1 and his platelets are still dropping continually right at 37. We are worried a little about that due to he was having a consistent raise in them on their own without any transfusions. He would go up a little then drop a little but still always usually trending an upward direction with them getting into the 80's but now we have had about a week in a half that they have just been continually dropping.

The doctors say that they will watch it and maybe we will need to do another bone marrow biopsy earlier than planned before the 90 mark. Although they do recognize that the platelets are usually the last area to recover and sustain them selves the concern is that he should be higher and trending up with being that his donors marrow has fully engrafted in him and he is responding. A little worried about that but we are praying that things are alright and that they will start to come up again. Eric has been out of the hospital 4 1/2 weeks now and he has not needed one blood transfusion- THAT IS AWESOME! Most of the other patients have went in for transfusions by now and he was if you all remember transfusion dependent- that is the only thing that was keeping him alive-we were at the hospital back home every other day for blood and platelet transfusions.

I think the kids are getting ready for this to all be over by now and have us home. Austin the other day was going through family pictures and he was putting up a ton of him and his Dad's fun pictures of their yearly Father and Son NFL football trips they have went on and said how much he loves and misses his Dad and that he hates how long he has been gone and that this is going to go on forever! I feel bad for him but I told him only maybe a month and a half longer bud- we can do this! We have been here since AUGUST- WOW I CAN NOT BELIEVE THAT! I never thought we would ever be away from our kids for 5 months almost 6 nor did I ever think we could do it! With the Lord's help we are and we are trying to get home safely with Eric and be a family again! We miss the kids so much and know they miss us but we know we can finish this part of our journey and be home soon again as a family.

I continue to pray and be thankful for Eric's donor, for his family and his sacrifice! He is an amazing person to have with unconditional love save Eric's life! I will always be so grateful to him and for his sacrifice and love! I hope he knows everyday that he breathes that another person across the world breathes as well because of him. Thanksgiving is coming up and although I have always had so much to be thankful for, so many blessings this year my heart is so full with gratitude and thankful for so many things. I am thankful to the Lord for always being there for me and my family, for the church promises and blessings we all have and for the tools the Lord has given us to guide us through this journey and our journey of life!

A unexpected day off from the Hospital..

Well today we have an unexpected day off from the hospital- just the home health nurse coming in and running all of Eric's medications, IV fluids,etc. from home with a pump. I wish I could say it's a good thing but really it is not. Eric's kidneys levels are extremely high and although they know it is from probably the medicine for his fungus infection and pneumonia it's a fine line they have to watch very carefully to not damage his kidneys. So they could not give him his Ambizone which is for his pneumonia and fungus infection that runs about 3 1/2 hours. The problem with this is that they are concerned about his lungs and the infection when they are unable to give him the medicine Ambizone it puts him at risk. His lungs sounded bad again a little bit the doctors said so they really need Eric to start using this breathing thing called a Spirometor to try to help his lungs.

I get worried about this cause I just don't want him to have his pneumonia or fungus infection get worse like what kept him in the hospital and then have him back in the hospital and worry about that! It these side problems that become big problems and can be the very thing you end up battling to survive! He also has a little bit of a rash on his back that they are watching and concerned about it might possibly be Graft Vs. Host Disease which we do not want. They said they will keep a close eye on it and we will see what happens with that!

As you can see we still really have a long road and battle ahead of us and the recovery process and right now is just so critical and anything can change from day to day. I guess that is why we are here so long because the first 100 days is the first crucial time and then the next year to two is such a process. I pray the Lord will continue to guide us through our journey and we will continue to have faith. I know we have more bumps in the road and that with the Lord all things are possible. We just had some bad news today about one of Eric's friends daughter getting a tumor and having to under go chemo now- it's sad to see other people have to go through trials and walk the same path but we know they will be protected and guided throughout their journey with love and support much like we have been blessed with! The Lord has in store a plan for all of us and we all have to remember that and know that it may not be the path or process we want to endure but we will be ok as long as we continue to have faith and love the Lord, he is always there for all of us!

Back with Eric in Texas...

I am back with Eric finally in Texas and he is doing good! It was so good to see him, I missed him so much! I think I had built up in my mind that he was doing better that when I first saw him I was taken back. I guess when you go for a few weeks and then you see him again it's like for some reason you forget what is going on. I thought he would maybe look a little better, more like Eric but he still looks so weak and skinny! Don't get me wrong he looks good and is improving I guess for a moment I forgot and so when I first saw him it was a shock- a step back in my mind that we are still fighting this and trying to get him back to the old healthy Eric!

I am posting a picture from today I think I have not posted a pic for a while and now some of you can see what I am talking about. He is so skinny , I mean I know he had a little extra weight to lose when he started the transplant from the year and half of being on prednisone/ steroids he was so bloated but he is about 15 pounds shy of his normal healthy weight. He says he can feel he has lost his muscles and strength in his legs and arms and so he wants to work on getting his muscle strength back. Still not really eating more than a few bites of food a day but at least he is drinking water and trying to eat. he says he just doesn't have any appetite, no taste buds, everything is bland, doesn't sound good.

Today his blood counts were good again he is 5.5 on his white cells, 3.36 red cells and hemoglobin 10.1, platelets 45. He has been out of the hospital for 3 1/2 weeks now and still has not needed a blood transfusion yet so that is AMAZING considering he went every other day in prior to his transplant for red blood and platlet transfusions. He was transfusion dependant that was the only thing keeping him alive! We are so thankful to his wonderful donor and think of him often. He has saved Eric's life, how do you ever repay someone for saving your life? I am not sure you ever can! What an selfless and amazing act of love and kindness! I keep thinking of him and his family and what a sacrifice he made to be a donor for nothing more than unconditional love! We will forever be grateful to his donor- I have said it before but he really did not just save Eric's life he SAVED OUR FAMILY!

There are so many good people in the world, so many good wonderful people have stepped forward and done such amazing acts of love and kindness to us throughout this trial.. It is so nice in today's world to see such amazing good people! We are so grateful and blessed and I will continue to strive to be a better person for all my blessings. I want to the Lord to know how grateful I am for allowing us more time with Eric, more memories, more love, more us!

Going Back to Texas to Eric!!

I really have not been very good at updating the blog while I was back home here working but I was so busy time always got away from me! With mixed emotions I am flying back this morning to Texas to Eric and I am so EXCITED TO SEE HIM! We have been married 17 years and we have only once been apart for 4 days- that was the longest so this 2 1/2 weeks has been so hard for us especially is his condition and needing me alot.

Mixed emotions about leaving I am so excited to see and be back with Eric but I also am sad to leave the kids! They have been so great and it has been good to be back and be a MOM again and not from a distance. That has been hard trying to be there for them and still be MOM even though states away and caring for Eric and his bone marrow transplant. I know the Lord has been protecting them and watching over them. I am so proud of them they both are doing so good despite how hard it is. I was telling them we are at the half way mark on the 100 days and how we really only have a month and a half if Dad does good and no set backs! I am so grateful to my 2 children, for being so responsible, mature and hardworking- they make us both so proud as parents and I know that they have grown stronger because of this!

Eric received some good news on Thursday when he meet with the Infectious Disease Doctors- his pneumonia and fungus infection is improving so after 3 1/2 weeks out of the hospital he can now have the weekends off with just the home health nurse doing his fluids and meds via IV and not have to go into the hospital now on the weekends. So now we just have to go in everyday Monday thru Friday 5 days a week instead of 7 days- YEAH!! Most patients by their 2 week are down to only 3 days a week so it has been hard mentally for Eric but he had a severe set back with his Level 4 complications and his pneumonia and fungus infection. He is doing good! Sometimes it' s hard Eric compares him to other patients/friends we have meet that had their transplant at the same time and most of them seem like they are doing better than Eric as far as less days coming in the hospital and shorter days. I told Eric though he needs to see how far he has came, just 3 1/2 weeks ago it was touch and go and he was literally at deaths door and now look at him. He is out of the hospital, starting to eat small amount of food, staying awake more in the days, walking around- he has been blessed!

For every person he sees doing better there are also reminders of someone who is not doing even as good as Eric and that is sad and hard as well. We have some friends from Louisiana that the guy had his transplant a few days after Eric and outpatient, he was doing pretty good, he is in his 40's and his wife went to the store for 20 minutes just to grab his medication and came back to the apartment and he was not breathing, unresponsive and had to be rushed by ambulance to the hospital and is now back in the hospital. I feel so bad for them and they could sure use all of our prayers please include them in your prayers!

I continue to be so amazed at the blessings and constant guidance from the Lord through out this difficult time in our lives. I know we are so blessed to have Eric responding and us getting through this somehow. It truly is a miracle from God and we cherish it, every minute! Again I want to thank all of you for all your love and support, prayers, for every act of kindness and good deed you have done for me and my family! I will never forget how AMAZING ALL OF YOU ARE and will live my life FOREVER TRYING TO BE JUST AS GOOD TO OTHERS! There have been so many people whom have done so much, I really could go on and on. Just know that we are very THANKFUL AND GRATEFUL TO ALL OF YOU!

I am so thankful as well for the Clark Family!! They have done so much for us and been there for us through so much! I know the Lord placed them in our lives because we needed them, we had no one and we needed that love and support! They feel like family and we love them so much! They have taken us in and cared for Eric while I had to leave for home to work and that made it so much easier for me to leave and focus on work so we can try to survive all this and pay for Eric's medical bills and medication! CLARK FAMILY YOU ARE AMAZING- THANK YOU! WE LOVE YOU!

Well I better finish getting packed and a few last minute loads of laundry for the kids, etc done before I leave to the airport. I will get back to the daily posts- I PROMISE!