A year ago.....

A year ago tomorrow was the exact the day Eric and I fly home from Texas from his bone marrow transplant. I will never forget that day, we boarded the plane and Eric looked at me and started to cry as we took off and said" We are going home, can you believe it?" " I didn't know when I flew down here if I would be able to make this flight home."

Our hearts were so full of joy and grateful that Eric was well enough to come home again, to be a family again and see his kids. I remember on that long flight I kept looking at Eric sleeping and saying so many prayers, thanking the Lord, thanking his donor and asking for continued strength for Eric and his body. I remember it was a short day of being home when we also got bad news that he was rejecting his bone marrow transplant however after a week of fasting and prayers we received another amazing blessing- a Christmas Miracle he was 99% grafted with his donors cells and no cell abnormalities despite the tests results the prior week.

Another amazing reminder of what the Lord has given us and the continued blessings we receive. I can not help but reflect on the dates, the mile stones and the past hardest year of our lives with such gratitude in my heart to the Lord. I remember when Eric was first diagnosed with his cancer back in June 19,2002 he was in the hospital undergoing high dose chemo therapy and Elder Neal A. Maxwell called us at his hospital room and told me that he and the Quorum of the Twelve wanted to take Eric name in the temple that week and perform a special fast on Eric's behalf. The blessings the gospel brings and continues to bring to our lives amazes me.

I am so grateful to be on this part of our " Journey of Hope" for Eric, to be home a year from then and Eric responding so well. He is as his doctors tell us all the time a MIRACLE! I could not have been blessed more to be given the amazing blessing to be his wife, eternal companion which I cherish daily. I am so grateful to his donor whom we will get to meet in about 9 months from now, what an amazing gift- the gift of life you have given us! Christ like unconditional love, there are no words to express enough our love and gratitude.

One of Eric's favorite songs and mine as well is " I Know That My Redeemer Lives" Eric had told me he wanted this song to be sung at his funeral, he told me that it gives him great peace. I am so grateful that I did not have to plan that at this time but I know this is a beautiful song that will someday be sung at his funeral. Many times while at Eric's hospital bed side I would be crying and pleading with the Lord and listen to this very song, Eric is right the peace it provides. I know the Lord provides these beautiful songs to bring us comfort and peace in time of need. I am attaching this amazing song and video that I hope you will watch and feel the peace and comfort we feel when we listen to this beautiful song. Please click on the video/ song link that I am posting to watch and listen to it.

We are so grateful for all our blessings and thank all of you whom have shown unconditional love and support. Thanks for continuing with us on our " Journey of Hope"

Count Your Many Blessings....

Many times I would here the words from this amazing hymn in my heart and mind as I watched Eric struggle throughout his transplant, when I had my two children crying to me asking "Why?" or say " Mom but this is not fair, why Dad, why us?" Many times I would have to dig deep and sing these words from this hymn and it would always bring me peace and comfort and allow me to look at the blessing we do have, to focus on the blessings we had been given not so much on Eric dying and his cancer.

These very words helped me on days when I thought we would, could not possibly get through one more minute like this during Eric's transplant. I think of his donor and the ultimate sacrifice he made very unselfishly saving Eric's life. I have such love and gratitude for him even though we have not met I am so amazed by his unconditional love for a complete stranger. I have always told my two kids "Attitude of Gratitude" I remind them often and have a sign in the family room where we all can see and be reminded of this. All of us not just my family have so much to be grateful for, so many blessings not just at Thanksgiving time but all the time. We all can count our many blessings, name them one by one....These words we all can carry and sing in our hearts and minds to help us when times are bad and even more importantly when times are good.

So often we remember our blessings and reflect when things are good but I have learned through personal experience how important that is when things are not so good, when things actually quite bad. When we are going through trials and tribulations that is when our faith and strength is not only tested but grown. I know how grateful I am for all my many blessings, for Eric and his health, for his bone marrow donor, for my two beautiful kids, for my home, food on the table, the gospel and scriptures, my career, so many things the Lord has given us.

When upon life's billows you are tempest-tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.

Count your blessings
Name them one by one
Count your blessings
See what God hath done
Count your blessings
Name them one by one
Count your many blessings
See what God hath done

Are you ever burden with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly
And you will be singing as the days go by

When you look at others with their lands and gold
Think that Christ has promised you his wealth untold
Count your many blessings, money can not buy
Your reward in heaven nor your home on high

So amid your conflict, whether great or small
Do not be discouraged, God is over all
Count your many blessings, angels will attend
Help and comfort give you to your journey's end.

I can not tell you how much these words have helped me and provide me peace and comfort allowing me to recognize all of my many blessings even during hard times. I am so grateful to the Lord and I keep thinking about where just last year we were at and what was going on and I am so grateful to the Clark family and our "Texas Ward" being there for us when we were so far away from home, alone for the Holidays.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I hope you enjoy your holiday and most importantly remember to always count your many blessings!

18 Years- Happy Anniversary!

Today is our Wedding Anniversary, we have been married for 18 years! It has been the best 18 years of my life! I am so grateful for Eric's donor who saved his life and made it possible to be able to be celebrating another amazing year with my eternal companion. I look at Eric everyday and smile with such happiness that he brings me. I remember last year we were back in Texas Eric not feeling well for our Anniversary and Eric telling me that he would make it up to me next year.

Eric you have already made it up to me just by being here by my side and doing better. These past few months have been one of reflection, memories some good and some bad of reliving each day and moment of where we were this time last year but mostly of being able to be thankful and recognize all the blessings the Lord has given us. Eric is doing so well and I am so thankful for our miracles and tender mercies the Lord blessed us with.

I remember a few times when Eric thought he would not possibly make it he had told me that he loves me so much and that even if he is gone that he really will not be cause he will be mine and the kids guardian angel watching over us and protecting us. He wanted to make sure I knew that so many times he would make sure to remind me of that. Oh how thankful I am that the Lord blessed Eric with more time and that at least for now Eric has been blessed to be still here with us.

Eric still has not been able to read the blog he says it is to hard for him but I am sure maybe some day he will in time when he is ready. Eric I am so happy to be married to you and your eternal companion. I love you so much I don't think in words I could ever express how much you mean to me. What peace and comfort I feel knowing that we are the eternal companions and that we will always be together forever. I am so thankful to your donor who saved your life and gave me the amazing miracle and gift of more time with you. You are my world, I wake up everyday happy and knowing that I am so blessed to have you!

Eric you are an amazing Dad whom the kids love to be with. The smile on their faces and the laughter they have when you guys are together is a BIG GIFT to me as I love watching all of you spend time together and making these amazing memories that we will continue to cherish forever! I know you know this but both the kids are so thankful for you and happy to have you healthier and home again! You are so funny, your sense of humor is never gone and you keep me on my toes with all of your funny comments and little "pranks" you do. I had missed that so much during those hard 5- 10 months you were really battling your bone marrow transplant. What a MIRACLE you are Eric and I love you so much! Happy 18 Years Wedding Anniversary! I know we will have many more, thanks to your amazing donor.

The Journey of Hope Continues....

Eric is doing so good! We went into his Cancer doctor appt yesterday and things could not be better they say. They remind us that we are not out of the woods yet, one more year before they can say that but he is doing pretty good. Other than he came down with a horrible head cold and cough that has kept him in bed the past few days. His doctor says since he has not been running a fever he is not worried yet to just have Eric get alot of rest to sleep it off and come in immediately if he starts a fever. Thankfully no fever yet!

Eric's blood counts have been pretty good other than we started to worry cause his platelets went down the last 3 weeks in a row which has happened before and caused us worry (last time that was a sign of his virus he had to have the additional chemo treatments for) but we are so thankful they went up yesterday back to 102. His doctor says he would like them higher but at least they went back up again. Eric's red cells are OK holding at 4.03 alot lower than normal and still in critical stages but holding in there, his white cells are at 3.3 also lower and in the critical marks but they at least want them above the 3.0 so all in all pretty good. Eric has to get all his immunizations vaccines just like a new born baby all over again so they have started that process. His bone marrow transplant wiped all that out, all the good and the bad so he needs to redo them all over the next 2-3 years in stages.

I am so grateful for our blessings the Lord has given us and for how good Eric is doing right now, for his amazing donor whom I can not wait to meet in another 10 months! I am grateful to the Lord for giving us this journey and providing us the lessons and spiritual growth we needed to learn. I am grateful also to Eric's work, his new supervisor Ken whom has went above and beyond to make sure Eric is safe and not pushing it, remembering all his health restrictions and not pushing him to much. Eric has a new case load at work which has been alot for him to learn but also good on him as well, less stress than when he first came back. I thank his co-workers for always being mindful of Eric and that he is still fragile, coming back from his bone marrow transplant and helping him out it means so much to me! When you almost lose someone you become very protective over them even more and you want to cherish everything!

The past few months have been a little harder I think for Eric and I. We have been reliving in our minds alot the stages of the last year and what was going on at each step. It's been a year so I guess it common for people to relive all the steps and hard days but I often remind myself the end result right now and where we are at in the journey and that is important to recognize the mile stones and how far Eric has come. Last year Eric and I were still in Texas trying to get his body to heal, missing our kids so much, worried about alot of things. This year we are still worried but we are at least home as a family with our two beautiful kids, Eric moving forward towards recovery, back to work, getting our normal life back some what.

I am so thankful to the Lord for all he has given us, the blessings, the tender mercies and most of all more time with Eric. Not a day goes by that I do not think of his donor whom saved his life, the sacrifice he made for a stranger, how awesome that is and know the Lord helped guide this miracle! I am grateful for the Lord giving our family strength to get through this trial, the hardest thing I think we all have had to do! I recognize that with the Lord all things are possible. I am grateful for all of our friends, neighbors, ward (HOME WARD AND TEXAS WARD), the Clark family, family, co-workers and even some complete strangers whom helped lift our burden and walked with us throughout our "Journey of Hope". I am grateful to my two amazing children whom have had to bear so much, I am proud of them how they handle it all and conducted themselves. They had to be very strong and we love and appreciate them so much! They are better people for going through such a hard trial and I see such amazing growth from them both through it not only emotionally but spiritually. I constantly remind them and ask them " Do you realize how blessed we are that Daddy is doing good?" "Have you remembered to thank the Lord and Daddy's donor today?"

I know they do I just don't ever want them to forget to be humble, grateful and thank to Lord and Eric's donor. Sometimes life gets so busy we get back to the hum drum of life but after going through what we have all went through I do not think there will ever be a day that goes by that we will not be so grateful! Our journey still continues but hope is also faith and our faith is strong, with the Lord all things are possible. We have always known that but sometimes the faith has been as little as a mustard seed on days, how grateful I am for the gospel and the knowledge it brings us all, the peace and comfort that we get!

Update...Doing GREAT!

Sorry for the gap in posts.....I have been away on a business trip to Florida for 3 weeks!! I am so glad to be HOME! It was hard leaving Eric and the kids but I couldn't get out of this business trip. Eric is doing so good and we are so thankful to the Lord.

He went to Texas again in September for his follow up appointments at MD Anderson Cancer Center/ his bone marrow transplant doctors. They said he is a miracle and they are so happy to see him doing so well. They still don't like how thin he is but other than that he is good. We received his results from the bone marrow biopsy they did there in Texas, Eric is still 100% grafted with his donors marrow!!!! We are so thankful to his donor and the Lord for this blessing! We are excited to meet his donor in another year!

Eric has been busy as ever at work but I am so glad he was able to put in for a better case load to manage so that has decreased his stress a ton!!! We continue to feel that these small and big blessings we keep receiving are from the Lord and we are so grateful to him. We often talk about how last year at this time Eric was in the hospital in the middle of his bone marrow transplant back in Texas fighting for his life. We didn't know if we would ever see home again, if things would ever be normal again. I am happy to say that the journey continues and our journey of hope and been just that ... continued hope and faith in the Lord.

Life is a constant struggle and battle but day by day we move onto the next few steps of our journey and with it brings love, peace, hope and a new found love for life and family. We know miracles happen we have seen so many, we also know these things did not simply happen by chance but by the Lords loving hands whom is watching over us. We love and appreciate all of you our friends, family, neighbors, co-workers for your continued love and support!

HAPPY 1ST TRANSPLANT BIRTHDAY!!!!!

HAPPY 1St TRANSPLANT BIRTHDAY TODAY ERIC!!!! WOW..... I can not believe it's been a year already. It was and has been the longest and hardest year of our lives but we have made it so far!! I remember that we were suppose to have his transplant on the 8th of September last year but we were told that the donors marrow was still being flown from where he is to Eric in Texas through the night so that it wouldn't arrive until the middle of the night so they pushed his actual transplant day to today last year with it being lucky 9/9/09!!!

Right about now Eric was being prepared with all his medications and the doctor's were giving him a final check to move forward with his transplant. We are so grateful to his donor!! You saved his life and made it possible to be here a year later celebrating together as a family. We will always be eternally grateful and I can not wait to meet you in person and wrap our arms around you! You gave unconditional Christ like love giving your marrow to a complete stranger to save their life, going through some pain of your own to help someone in need without anything expected in return- that is true love!!

As his wife I am so thankful that his donor saved Eric's life and gave us more time! Eric now has more time for memories, a chance to watch the kids grow up, graduate from high school then college, a chance to go on missions, a chance to see them get married, a chance to be a Dad which I know he loves and will cherish. I remember we were just starting this journey of ours and we had no idea all the ups and downs... all the roller coasters we would be on but we knew and still know that the Lord was guiding us on this journey and we were being blessed with small and BIG MIRACLES and tender mercies along the way. I remember praying alot throughout the day ( like everyday) asking God to please protect Eric's body and to bless all the nurses and doctors with the knowledge and guidance they needed to allow Eric and his body to handle the transplant and not reject his donors marrow right away. I remember feeling and knowing of the Lord's love for Eric and I and that he was with us during the transplant. I felt a peace even when Eric was having the riggers/shakes, throwing up and not feeling well I felt a strong comfort, a peaceful feeling knowing that I was witnessing a miracle for my husband.

I am so thankful to not only his donor but to all of you family, friends, co-workers, ward and stake member's ( HOME WARD AND TEXAS WARD!!), neighbors, other transplant patients and their families/our new found friends, Patrick (who sadly lost his battle in June - WE WILL NEVER FORGET YOU!!), nurses and doctors whom became like family when you are there all alone with no family they really step up and not only care for your loved one but you as well- for EVERYONE because without all of you and your continued love and support we would have never made it!!!

So today it a special day- Eric's 1 st bone marrow transplant birthday!! We will celebrate today as well as many more years to come each year acknowledging his new life and new chance, his new beginning! The joy and overwhelming gratitude I feel everyday when I see you smile and I am able to see your kids laugh with you, their eyes light up when they are with you and spend time with you- it's the most rewarding feeling and blessing!! I love you Eric with all my heart and although I know you won't read this blog right now as it's hard and painful you say right now for you I know someday you'll be able to read this and know how much we love you! You are a walking, living MIRACLE!! You and I both know this, we have had so many doctors tell us this is the end for you and to say goodbye but we had and still have a unique strong faith and knowledge and the power of the gospel in our lives that we know is the true plan, the one guiding all of this- the Lord whom has a plan in store for you and your journey is not yet done here. I know that you are meant for important things because you are still here... your work is still not done! We love you Eric and I am grateful to your donor and the Lord for all our blessings and you, for the chance to be here a year later saying " Happy 1 st Transplant Birthday" I love you!!!!

Moving Along...

Well it's been a busy few weeks... Eric has been back work plugging away working 12 hour days with no end in sight. Whewwww... he comes home pretty spent and tired but I know he is grateful to be back to work and getting back to "NORMAL." We laugh that we should be careful what we wish for right but seriously we are so grateful that we are where we are right now. It's exactly the month mark from when we started Eric's transplant journey. Last year at this time we had just found his donor and in two more weeks we were getting ready to fly down to start his bone marrow transplant! WOW!! I am so thankful to be at this point and seeing how far Eric has came.

We have had alot of reminders of how lucky we are, what a miracle Eric is recently with Eric's good friend Patrick passing away in June ( Eric and Patrick had the same cancer and started their bone marrow transplants together at the same time), Eric's Aunt Carol passing away a few weeks ago from her valiant battle with her cancer. We recognize the blessings and we cherish each day and moment we have as the gift it truly is! I reflect on my emotions I was feeling last year at this time I was crying alot , preparing to leave the kids for 5 months, getting them ready for school and knowing that we were about to embark on the hardest journey yet as a family!

What a difference a year can make! I am so thankful to the Lord for his countless tender mercies and blessings we have received. Sometimes you feel if this makes any sense a little guilty that Eric has made it and that he is doing good, you question things and wonder..." Why couldn't Patrick have made it then? " Why couldn't Aunt Carol have made it?" but then I remind myself that just because they passed doesn't mean that they are gone from us..we all have a mission and purpose in life and just because their physical body could not hold on any longer their spirits are fulfilling a greater purpose. They both are such amazing and wonderful people whom changed our lives for the better and we would not be who we are if we did not know them and have them touch our lives as they did!

Eric and I both know that our journey is not complete and we will still have trials, bumps in the road but we recognize with the Lord all things are possible and we can do anything. On paper this was a horrible, sad tragedy that shouldn't have worked out. Many times I had doctors look at me and tell me that this is nearing the end and that they would try to do all they can do to give him more time, keep him comfortable but I am so thankful that in those moments, those dark lonely hours I could turn to the Lord and feel his arms wrap around me and provide peace and comfort. Sometimes it would be just enough to give me a sense of calmness so I could close my eyes and fall asleep and wake up with a new outlook, more faith and hope, peace. That is what the Lord provides all of us..that overwhelming unconditional love.

Eric went to the doctors yesterday and he lost again 5 pounds.. his doctor was a concerned and said " Seriously Eric are you not eating I need you to quit losing weight!" I told his doctor that he really is eating more than he has in the last year and that I really don't understand why he keeps losing weight cause he is eating... Eric responded in his regular humorous way and said " Dr. Chandramouli I think my donor just must have an amazing metabolism and really in shape" we all just laughed! Eric's counts are pretty good his white cells fell a little to 4.1 (still good), red cells are 4.57 (they went up) and his hemoglobin is 45.8 with his platelets going up to 112!! All these are really good some of these levels are the highest he has been in the last seven years! We are so grateful to Eric's donor whom we think of often and how he has given the gift of life, unconditional love to save a strangers life! We are so grateful the Lord for Eric's health recovery process and his body being able to fight and be strong, getting stronger each day! We are grateful to all of you as well for riding this roller coaster and traveling this journey.. providing us love and support! We couldn't have done this past year without all of you and the Lord, the gospel and faith in the journey!