Update...

Well it has been a little longer than a week sorry about that.... Eric has been doing ok the past few weeks his blood counts have been kind of strange going down consecutively which we are a little concerned about. This game of cancer doesn't have a play book, we don't always know what is coming our way...a curve ball, walk or sometimes we strike out!! ( Can you tell we are in the middle of Austin's baseball season ) Well I think we are just experiencing a little few too many strikes lately right now in a row then we want. The doctors tell us to not worry to much but as many of you know we have learned sometime that despite them telling you not to worry you still do and sometimes those worries turn out to be us having a gut feeling about things and they end up being something you find out later is worth worrying about. I am hoping that these last few weeks with Eric's counts going down and he has had a few days that in his words " feel like when I first got home -sluggish, weak and just not feeling very good" that they end up just us being worried for nothing a few curve balls....

I am sure we are just being paranoid but sometimes I just can't stop thinking about those weeks before we were suppose to come home-around Thanksgiving time and Eric all of the sudden started seeing his platelets falling each time and they kept telling us not to worry but then after several weeks they finally listened and did more testing and that was when we found out he had that EBV virus that he had to do chemo for the next 4 weeks right before we came home. Again I am sure we are being paranoid but this is the fun game of cancer and the things we worry about. Eric's white cells are 3.6 which is good those went up a little and he seems to run in between 3,2- 4.4, his red cells are good at 3.31 a little low but ok, his platelets are the ones that have been falling and they are at 80 so again we are hoping and praying they will go back up.

We are looking forward to Eric's and Austin's Birthdays coming up... Eric's is this Saturday May 8th and Austin is May 13th! We are so grateful that Eric is doing better and home and for his donor whom without him saving Eric's life we would not be able to be where we are today and Eric looking forward to turning 36 years old... it will be fun Eric now has two Birthdays his first birthday and then his new second Birthday his bone marrow transplant birthday which is 9-9-09 !!!! I look forward to many Birthday celebrations and we are so grateful for them! I feel so blessed to have Eric home again and doing better, spending time with the kids, as a family. We are so grateful to his donor and recognize the Lords hand in all things in our lives!

Cinderella Goes to the Ball...In Silver Sparkling Sneakers?

"Hey Cinderella... Where are your glass slippers?" Response from Chelsea
" Right here Mom....silver sparkling tennis shoes, a girl has to be comfortable these days!" Chelsea went to Senior Ball/ Prom last night and had a blast! She looked soooo beautiful! I couldn't stop smiling seeing her so happy and with her Daddy in all her pictures. As she would tell anyone " My Daddy is my Prince, my first love!" It was so nice to be able to get lots of fun pictures with her Dad, brother Austin. She is growing up so fast how blessed I feel to be in this moment right now... Eric doing better and healthier, home as a family enjoying these precious moments!

We are blessed to have Eric responding to his bone marrow transplant and here with us all as a family like we love to be! This is what it is all about....seeing her go on dances, seeing her happy, seeing both of the kids grow up and making wonderful memories that we will always have. This is why Eric fought so hard and continues to fight, this is why we have went through the past years fighting so desperately to save Eric's life.. our Eternal Family! I'm posting alot of pics sorry they are so many cute ones so forgive me! There is one of Eric reminding Chelsea of her curfew " Cinderella remember don't be late" Soooo much fun, we are so proud of Chelsea and we love to see her happy and smile! It's been a little while since we have seen that with her Dad's health worries in all. What a joy it is as a mother to see the happiness on all of their faces, what an awesome reward! I love you guys!! So Chelsea( Cinderella)- GO ENJOY YOUR BALL!!!

Busy, busy week

It has been a very fun but busy week for the Barker's....Chelsea had cheer tryouts for WX High School and she MADE IT AGAIN!!! We are so proud of her and know she enjoys it so much, we tell her often to enjoy her high school days instead of always stressing for her 4.0 and what colleges she will go to. She just filled out her paperwork to start her CNA , she will be busy for sure with her CNA classes and also working at her job but it will all payoff. Chelsea has wanted to be a doctor ever since I can remember and seeing her Dad go through what he has went through has made her more motivated to accomplish that dream. She is not sure yet what type of doctor but she thinks she might want to go into Pediatric Oncology- she has always had a special place in her heart for kids and with her Dad's cancer she really wants to do some good for children suffering with cancer. We tell her what ever she does she will be good at, she is a very smart, hardworking and accomplished young lady who has a heart of gold and wants the best for everyone! She was awarded the "National Youth Leadership Forum on Medicine Award"based on in their words " Your Exemplary Academic record, leadership potential" and was invited to attend the Forum on Medicine out of State this Summer. What an honor but unfortunately the costs are so much over $4,000 to attend that she will not be able to go but as we told her what a great honor to be nominated. She is going to Senior Prom this Saturday ( I will post pics later) so we have been getting ready for that as well.....I can not believe Chelsea will be a Junior in Fall in High School and 17 years old, she only has 2 more years of High School left. Time goes by so fast :(

Austin started baseball and he is loving it! He is my true boy- loving ALL SPORTS! He is getting excited for the NFL Football Drafts coming up..if you can believe this kid will sit for hours and hours and watch all of it. He is such a knowledge for professional and college sports- he can tell you the athletes name, what college he is from, his stats, date of birth, position he plays and background. We often joke that if he doesn't play a sport when he is older a sports commentator would be his next dream job- although he wants to be a dentist like his Dad wanted to be when he was young. He has been enjoying spending time again with his Dad. With Eric feeling better these days he has been able to not play the sports again with Austin like he used to be at least he has been able to enjoy watching Austin play - that has been so nice! He as well achieved a 4.0 again and loves competition, he has an unbelievable knack for math his favorite subject. We have been told since he was in 1st grade that he is a natural at math- where he gets that from I have no idea!!

Eric has been doing good. He was so excited last week he was able to go visit all his law enforcements work buddies and co-workers. He meant to just go in for a quick Hi and lunch with a few of them and ended up being there over 4 hours!! He over did it and was extremely tired but he loved being back around all his fellow law enforcements buddies, getting lots of hugs. He came home telling me how much he misses it and how he can't wait to get back to work and be around all of them again! It does my heart good to see him so happy from seeing them and doing good... I have to admit though I am very worried about him over doing it and rushing so soon to get back to work. The doctors tell him that bone marrow transplant patients usually don't go back to work until about 2-3 years after their transplants but Eric has always been a hard and dedicated worker who is determined to make it back alot sooner by the year mark! He already is trying to plant ideas in his doctors heads about returning to work and that he would be fine but as the doctors told him " It's all a fine line and balance, your body has been through so much and we need to let it recover back to normal the safest way possible and right now that is germ free and on the anti-rejection drugs and immune suppressed drugs". Eric blood counts/ CBC are good this week although he did dip lower in most of them then we had hoped but the doctor tells us to not worry and we will just watch and see what they are this week. His white cells went down to 3.0 and his red cells 3.19 with his hemoglobin at 11.5 and his platelets dropped to 91- dang it! We were hoping he would for the first time in years hit over 100 on his platelets but we will shoot for next week I guess. All in all we are doing pretty good and are so grateful to the Lord for our continued blessings. Not a second of the day goes by that we do thank the Lord for Eric's donor and all our blessings. We can't wait to meet him and thank him in person as the letters we write to him are not enough!

If you can believe it or not we already are preparing to fly back in June on the 1st to Texas to meet with Eric's bone marrow transplant doctors at MD Anderson Cancer Center and all his follow up tests and appt's.....we just booked our flights,hotel,etc. I was telling Eric how nice it will be when we don't have to spend the money and time to fly out every three months for a few days of hospital and doctor appt's and we can actually book trips as a family instead for fun! Although we are grateful to his doctors in Texas and realize what a blessing it is to be on this side of things now. Our journey is still continuing but a few less bumpy rides right now so we are enjoying the slow down. We are so grateful and recognize it as the gift it is meant to be!!

Doing Good!

Well since we received the good news on Eric's bone marrow biopsies and tests from Texas we have had some good steps forward. Eric's home health nurses do not come now anymore, we just go into the doctors weekly every Friday. That is good.. we miss all his sweet nurses though that became like part of our family while caring for Eric- they did a great job and we are so grateful to them!! Eric's blood counts and level this week look good, they are all still in the critical low abnormal level but doing ok. His white cells are at 3.8 and his red blood cells are doing very well at 4.29, his Hemoglobin at 14.4 and his platelets for the first time in 8 years they are at 99 today!! Can you believe that he has not been this high for 8 years at least- how amazing!! Normal is 140,000 to 450,000 so still way off and low but the best he has been in 8 years so we will take it!!

We are so grateful to the Lord for all our blessings and we recognize his hands in our lives. We have been given so many blessings and miracles that we are so grateful for. We are so grateful for his donor whom without his unconditional love and donating Eric his bone marrow - Eric would not be alive today! As we are coming up on Conference weekend and we remember Christ's Resurrection and the Atonement I am overwhelmed with emotions. I feel a deep appreciation and love for Christ and all he went through for us. Watching Eric come to deaths door and slowly climb out of deaths grips back to life brought such an amazing love and appreciation for Christ and his Resurrection. So many scriptures remind us of all he has done for us and what we must do to live with him again. " I am the resurrection, and the life he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live; and whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die." John 11:25-26

I feel like this is Eric's new beginning, like his rebirth from his bone marrow transplant... a new fresh start, a new life free hopefully of all cancer and a rebirth to a new chapter in our lives. I love spring time I always have. The beautiful new bloom on the spring flowers, that come up out of the cold wintery left soil blooming with new life- beautiful colors of hope,new beginnings and new start. I am excited for the spring and the season to change cause with that comes new hope and experiences that we have learned to cherish so much in life! Eric has taught me so much but one of the most precious things I have learned from him is courage and perseverance, to NEVER GIVE UP! He has always shown that but through out his bone marrow transplant he has been a true example of that to me and my children. As Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin quoted " Never Give Up! Perseverance is a positive, active characteristic. It is not idly hoping for some good thing to happen.... It gives us hope by helping us realize that the righteous suffer no failure except in giving up and no longer trying." Eric did this- he did not give up on living, he fought for every breathe he takes and to be alive. For that and him I am grateful... so grateful. We are so grateful and will cherish every second we have forever!!

Recent Reflections...

Today I find myself reflecting alot lately on several blessings and things that I am so grateful for. The obvious recent trial that if you can believe it or not I am so thankful for...I am thankful for the Lord blessing Eric with more time, better health, a donor whom had unconditional love and saved his life. Recently though I have been reflecting on the hardest past year of my life and what I have gained and lost throughout this trial. One hopes and prays that when and if you have to face such a trial as we have had to that you would have overwhelming love and support... we have had that but we have also lost some relationships throughout this trial that have been extremely hard especially for me. I have lost alot but in turn have gained alot of love and support from new relationships, new bonds for which I am eternally grateful.

I think the hardest part of losing or not having support is the hurt you feel from it and most of all the void in your life but with that being said it has truly caused me to reflect on the Mom and person I am for my children and how I would do anything for them. I would never want them to feel or go through what I have had to endure the past year when you are already suffering and going through so much more pain trying to fight for your husband's life and save him, leaving your children back home feeling like you have abandoned them when you are just trying to save your husbands life and have more time as a family. I love to read the Ensign and I am looking forward to conference coming up in a few weeks, it seems like I always need to be spiritually feed when conference comes around.

There is several articles from the Ensign this month that I love... one that caused me to reflect the most was "What Mothers Can Learn from the Savior" by Amy Morgan. It talks about simple ways that we can be good mothers and draw guidance and support from the Lord. I don't know about alot of you mothers out there but I always feel and know I can do better, I want to be better for my two children. I want them to know that no matter what happens in life, what challenges and decisions they make I will always be there to support and love them, I will always be there to listen to them, guide them and sometimes just let them cry on my shoulder with no real way that I can fix what is hurting them but I am just there to love and listen to them. It gives several points like: Spend time with our children, Pray for our children, Help Our Children Love the Sabbath, Teach faith in Heavenly Father and in His Son, Jesus Christ, Make Time for Teaching and Learning, Remember a Mother's Calling... the one that struck me the most though was Quiet Your Fears with Faith in the Lord.... I can not tell you how much that speaks to my heart! I countless times would pray and ask the Lord " What if this is Eric's time to go and I am left to raise my two beautiful children on my own....Lord I don't think I can do it on my own, I will mess everything up without Eric's help" I would always get a peaceful feeling and thoughts would stream through my head as if the Lord was directly telling me " You are not alone, you can and will get through this, have faith and I will provide you the strength for whatever comes your way" I know that is so true... I would never get answers right away, things wouldn't just magically get better, we still have to go through the trial, I still had to watch my husband at the brinks of death fight his way back step by step until he could walk again but I learned so much about love, strength, life, faith and sometimes just knowing that I couldn't fix this, I can't take this away from my kids, ,from Eric or even from myself but what I can do- is as we all have heard try to find "Joy In the Journey" ..that's not easy when you are watching your eternal companion and children suffer so much. The key is to endure it well...

I will end this somewhat weird blog posting (sorry the Ensign really hit me) with a quote that I think says it all by President Boyd K. Packer " If you are helpless, he is not. If you are lost, he is not. If you don't know what to do next, he knows. It would take a miracle, you say? Well, if it takes a miracle, why not? " I have seen my miracle, I have seen alot of them and I am humbled and grateful. Most of us as mothers know this feeling and I know with the Lord all things are possible. I am so grateful to my two wonderful children whom make Eric and I so proud, we are blessed to be able to be trusted with them from the Lord and I will always strive to be a better mother for them. I love you Chelsea and Austin... it has been the hardest year but I am so proud of who you are and the love and faith you have! I am honored to be your mother!!!

The Results Are In....

We have been waiting for Eric's bone marrow biopsies results and all his tests results which the prelim were in last week but finally his doctors from Texas called us late afternoon yesterday with the final results.....Eric is 100% grafted with his donors cells, no cell abnormalities, no blasts and no signs of cancer!!!! YESSSSSS!!!!!!! We are so happy, in his doctors words " He is right were we want him at, he is doing fantastic!"

We are so grateful to the Lord and for his donor whom has saved his life! As we know its still a long road left of our journey but we are through the worst of it so far and we are so grateful. I am so proud of Eric and how he always has a positive attitude pushing himself to get back to a normal life! What a blessing and miracle to have him doing so well and I couldn't be more grateful!

Back from Texas...

We are back from Texas. We were gone for 4 days last week and arrived home Thursday afternoon. It was a good visit we were able to see our friends the Clark family and visit which was so fun! We had all day testing and bone marrow biopsies, PET scan, CT scan and blood work starting at 5:30am. We finished up for the day around 2:30pm and went back to the hotel to let Eric sleep after such a long day and his hip sore from the bone marrow biopsy.

We meet with his doctors whom stated they are pleased with Eric's progress right now he is where they want him as far as his recovery goes. We asked them on purpose to not call us with the prelim results in a week and to wait for full 2 weeks to have all his final DNA test results back so what happened last time doesn't happen again. We do not want a week of pain and despair like last time from the pathologist reading the blood spears and bone marrow differently when the DNA results confirm the actual results. So we should have the results possibly next week sometime.

Eric has been still doing pretty good, about the same in energy. His main doctor- Dr. Hosing was a little shocked and taken back when she first saw Eric. She walked in the room and the very first thing she said was " Eric you are so skinny and lost more weight? Are you eating?" He really has done better he eats about a meal a day with a few snacks which has been good for him. We are surprised she said that cause he has actually gained back about 10 pounds since we came home in December but he stills is skinny but he looks stronger and not so weak. He feels better and has some of his muscles back in his legs and arms. He even started to work out a little bit the past few weeks on the treadmill, lifting light weights and arm bands strengthening. All in all he is doing pretty good. I am posting a picture of Eric with his main doctor Dr. Hosing. She is such a great doctor, very smart and loves Eric!

Eric's blood counts are ok still holding on... his White Cells did drop down to 3.1 but his Red Blood Cells are good still at the 3.84 and his hemoglobin at 12.3 so that is good. His platelets are holding on at 69 at least stable and not consistently dropping. All in all pretty good, the doctors feel he is doing good so they dropped his home health nurse will only come one day a week with us still going into his doctor office here at home on Friday's. So we are plugging along with Eric's recovery. I am so proud of him, he never complains and has his wonderful sense of humor that makes us all laugh. I am so grateful for him and for his donor who saved his life. I am grateful to our Heavenly Father for all our blessings and the gospel. What peace and comfort it brings to our lives.

I will continue to be so grateful to the Lord for allowing us more time and the blessings we have received. Austin is working on his Eagle project and it has been a project close to our hearts. He has chosen to collect donations, blankets, juices, water bottles, sprite's, crackers for 7 local chemo rooms to help the chemo patients through their difficult journey and treatment. He also will be passing out and educating others on how to become a bone marrow donor on the National Bone Marrow Registry List to save someones life- like his Dad's life was saved. Not many people know the process and how to even be a donor, we sure didn't until our journey. If we can help save someones life and brighten cancer patients than it makes everything all worth it. I am proud of him for deciding this project and wanting to make a difference. Isn't it amazing to see what good can come from trials?

What an amazing reward as a parent and mother to see your children get it, to see them understand how they can make a difference in someones life and to want to pay it forward!!