Good day!!! :)

It has been a good day and past 24 hours!! YEAH!!! Eric has been sleeping better, no fevers and his breathing good. They took Eric down this morning for a chest x-ray to see if his pneumonia and infection on his lungs has improved. Eric and I found out some AMAZING GOOD NEWS! If Eric goes all day today and through the night still with no fever and keeps doing good he can get DISCHARGED FROM THE HOSPITAL INPATIENT and GO TO OUR APARTMENT TOMORROW!!! WOW- YEAH!!!!

Even though he would go to outpatient and we still have to be here within 10 miles and stay in Houston, TX for another 72 days which means we will not be home until the week of Christmas around December 18th , 2009- we will take this! We will be coming here to the hospital everyday 7 days a week for 8 hours all day for his appointments and IV transfusions of some of his antibiotics and medications, blood transfusions. So really we will still be here at the hospital all day and then just go home to the apartment at night to sleep but to Eric that is SO WORTH IT! The freedom to walk outside, feel the sunshine on his face, be part of the world - that is so exciting!

I am kind of scared a little, we have fought so long and hard to get out of the hospital. Eric has been in here 7 weeks at the end of this week!! It is weird, it's kind of like that feeling when you have your first child and you want to go home but then when they come tell you they are discharging you and you think " Are you sure I am ready to go home? You think I can take the baby home and be okay?" It's a little weird you then start to worry and think " Am I really ready to go home?" There are so many worries, precautions and limitations that Eric's life depends on so I find myself thinking " Am I going to be able to care for Eric good enough and keep him safe? " With the Lord's help I know we will get through to this next phase of our journey.

It's overwhelming all the things a bone marrow transplant patient has to worry about. I have had to go to these discharges classes and get signed off on all things to make sure I understand what we need to do and can't do for Eric to survive this and to make sure we are aware of the signs of rejection and GVHD (Graft Vs. Host Disease). No crowds, stores, church any where there are groups (well that's not such an easy task now is it), no eating out at fast food or restaurants, no pets or flowers or plants near Eric (wow- I love flowers as you all know- I can have them outside just not inside the home with Eric), no buffets, no fruits, no vegetables, all foods have to be cooked at a certain temperature, only meat cooked well, well done, only things pasteurized, no flying or diving (like we were going to attempt that), no swimming, no sun exposure, no wearing contacts only eye glasses, only wear long sleeves, wear mask and gloves at all times, no fevers above 100.5 OR back into the hospital. WOW! It can get all so overwhelming but some of this we have already been used to before since this is Eric's 2ND cancer and he has been critical immune suppressed and ill for the last 2 years. I asked the discharge nurse how long we will have to worry about these things and take these pre-cautions and she said really probably forever but most critical time is the first year and then after that some of these pre-cautions will decrease or go away but some will be a life change as a transplant recipient.

Even though there are all those things to worry about and restrictions it is a blessing to be alive!! To be able to say that he is grafting and that we have made it through the first hurdle of our journey. Bring on the second one -right? That means we are one step closer to coming home to our children and being a family again! We prayed today with the hospital Chaplin in Eric's room, we thanked the Lord for his love, strength and guidance through our journey and thanked him for this next step in our process. We thanked him for all our blessing and knowing we are not over the journey or trial yet and still more bumps and hurdles to come but thankful for it is with him we can bare all things!! How blessed we are to have the Lord and church in our lives as a constant compass and reminder of what life is all about and what really matters. Again, I find myself thinking of the words of " I Stand All Amazed".

Slower Day

Eric has had a slower day again today. Really low on his energy and sleeping most the day. Today is day 27 from transplant day and Eric's white cell went down a little to 5.0 which is fine the doctors say that he will roller coaster on grafting on day go up and then go down the next just as long as we continue to see up wards direction and not big huge jumps up or down we are fine. His red cells and platelets are still bouncing low and he then gets transfused and he goes up for a few days. They say that as well over time will get better the more he grafts.

The team of doctors and infectious disease doctors came in and said that they have placed Eric on 4 broad based anti fungal infections medicines and antibiotics trying to cover everything possible while the culture still is being processed. It has not shown them any direct fungal infection name so that they would have a better idea how to treat Eric. They said that only 30 % of the time do they ever get back a direct answer so they usually place patients on antibiotics like they have already done for Eric.

Eric ate a bowl of dry Rice Krispies Cereal and drank a couple of sips of Apple Juice so that was good today. However tonight he does not want anything fighting the nausea still. They are trying to switch 2 of the IV antibiotics and fungal medicines to pill form and see how Eric responds so that he would only have 2 IV meds but they are concerned that his fevers will return and pneumonia and fungus infection in his lungs will increase again so they are watching him closely.

Eric did walk about 4 times today for me so that was good but today he was at a slower pace, really weak ad sluggish. I asked him if he feels like he felt yesterday and he said no today he was more tired and weak. He keeps telling me he feels like he has lost muscles in his legs and body however the doctors tell me they monitor that and the results on the tests show he is fine.

We miss the kids a ton, it seems like they were only here a day or two despite it was really 5 days. I wished Eric was better when they came, he really tried hard to be more awake and not so weak but turned out he really couldn't control it. I know the kids understand though, it was great just to have them here and see him and Eric see them. I hope it gave Eric a new boost of energy and reminded him why he is fighting so hard to stay alive! Eric and I were praying together last night and usually I have been saying the prayers out loud due to he has been so weak. It was a very tender moment to hear Eric although weak and hard to speak out loud thank the Lord for all has done for us, for helping carrying him through this and asking the Lord to continue to protect me and the kids. He has always worried about us more than himself, I think that is one of his greatest qualities! He has many- that is just one of his!! I am so blessed to have been married to him for 17 years and the best part is I fall more and more in love with him each day. He is the truest form of courage to me, an example to the kids and I and I have always known how strong he is. He is and will always be my best friend and eternal companion to whom I am forever grateful for teaching me the true meaning of faith and love!

A little improvement...

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Eric has done better today despite last night he was up all night walking around couldn't sleep. They gave him some medication for his anxiety but it made him sleep alot during the day and so he was wide awake at night. They have decided to decrease the anxiety meds and only give half the amount at bedtime hopefully that works.

No fevers still which is good they think the antibiotics have helped that, we hope when they do another x-ray it shows it's helping the infection and pneumonia. Eric is walking alot more today and that is always good, he is walking more faster and seems to not be so weak and slow today! :) Eric has earned all the maxium bandanna's so they gave his a "ALL TIME M & M Mover Award" he received a t-shirt that says " I Am A Bone Marrow Transplant Survivor". Pretty cool, huh? HAHAA!

I am posting a picture of Eric's door showing all his paper bandanna's and a few extra M & M's and then he has earned extra totaling 5 bandanna's and tied them all on his IV pole as his "Badge of Honor" I also posted a picture today of Eric sleeping, he has lost alot of weight total so far since he entered the hospital is 28 pounds! WOW!! He is still not eating but at least drinking alot of water and they also keep him pretty pumped with IV fluids.

General Conference was really uplifting, it seems I always feel like we are so spiritually starving then by the end of General Conference weekend we are feed so much spiritually and we have a new found boost and energy to keep on going. Back home in Utah we take for granted that we just turn on the TV to watch conference but outside of Utah down here in Texas I had to watch it on my lap top via Internet an hour delayed. I was able to watch all of Saturday;s and Sunday's both sessions and it was very rewarding. on Saturday's session the choir sang Eric's and my favorite song " I Know That My Redeemer Lives" that was so beautiful as well as many other songs. I was reminded of how much our ancestors went through and felt as if I can bear this burden and trial, others have done so much more. I am so grateful for the scriptures and the comfort of turning through the pages and reading such inspiring scriptures that seem to be talking directly to me. We are very blessed and I hope to do what the Lord wants me to do so that when I am judged for my actions he know that I have done good in the world.

A little better today...but sleeping alot

Eric is doing a little better today, but he is very tired due to not sleeping much for few nights prior. He has been placed on these additional antibiotics to hopefully help the pneumonia and fungus infection on his lungs. He is breathing alot better today has not had the oxygen on today - that is good. His fever broke and went away last night and so far so good, it has not returned.

Eric seems to have better spirits today as they have moved Eric into a new room G1158 right next door. It is alot bigger, more windows, more sunlight- they wanted to do this for Eric since he has been so anxious and sick of being here. They felt if he had a better view and more windows it would brighten his spirits. I think this has been good, he seems better. It reminds me of a song I love and have listened to alot before about a cancer patient getting assigned a room. It is called "Room with a view"
Here are some of the verses that I think of often:

They gave you a corner room on the fifth floor, they said the words like they were candy to a kid in a store
Like a King you would lay in your bed so steadfully, so thankful they gave you a room with scenery
You always were so healthy, so full of life! So seeing you so helpless - just doesn't seem right
How you kept your head so high I will never know, I guess you knew you would have a better place to go.

I agree when you are in a hospital, fighting for your life you really learn to appreciate so many things. The simple things that mean so much, it has been a true humbling experience. I love music and always have. Music for me is an outlet and singing alot when I was younger it would make me feel so much better, now I do not sing as much but love to listen to music to get through life's trials. One of Eric's and my favorite song is "I Know That My Redeemer Lives" I love this song, it brings us such comfort.

A song that I listened to alot is called " Just Like He Said He Would":

I know you can't see beyond the problems of today, you feel you are losing heart- hope is slipping away
It's darkest just before the dawn, but his mercy is in the sun rise of another day
You can make it through the night...
Just hang onto his promise, that you're not in this alone
And trust the things that you can't see, to the one whose in control.
He's in control.....
And just like He said he would, he'll make a way when there is no way at all..
You'll never fall, if you only believe that just like He said he would-
He'll carry you when all your strength is gone, He'll always love you...
Just like He said he would.

Don't want the kids to go...:(

Today is bitter sweet, we are so grateful to be together but also sad the kids visit is coming to an end. They fly home tomorrow morning and the kids really have been dreading it all day. The kids enjoyed their visit and Eric loved it. I am posting a few pictures of them with Eric, as you can see they are happy to be with him!! It is obvious in the pictures though that Eric is not feeling well. His fevers just keep coming and going and the infectious disease doctors came in and told us they are extremely concerned from the results on the x-rays. Eric's pneumonia and fungus infection has progressed quite a bit so they now have increased and put Eric on anti fungal medications to cover a wide variety of infections until they have his culture back which will tell them exactly what infection they are dealing with.

Eric has started to have a harder time breathing back on the oxygen tonight and is dizzy. He also has been feeling very anxious, sick of this room and the same walls. He is having trouble sleeping despite them giving him sleeping aide so now they will try another medication to see if he can sleep tonight.

Despite the fevers and infections today is day from transplant and Eric's white cells are 6.5 which is good, the donor's marrow is grafting. His GVHD on his hands/ palms has stayed the same and the pain has decreased with him using the cream medication they gave him. Today has been an emotional roller coaster and really hard for Eric, he said that he just wants to get out of the hospital and he will do much better if they would just send him home to recover. Eric is so tried of being here, not feeling well he actually told me today he is not sure he can do it one more day. He can, I told him we are doing it together and he will get through this. I know it is hard on him and he just wants to get out of the hospital but he can't so Matt Clark and Ethan came to the hospital and gave Eric a blessing. It was so touching to hear Matt be inspired what to say from the Lord, direct comfort and promptings to Eric we could feel. How grateful we are for the priesthood power and blessings we can receive. The Lord continues to bless us and guide us through our journey, long and some days seem like they will never end but it's always darkest before the dawn. We are holding on, holding for the light to come.

P.S. I am posting some fun pictures of the kids with the Clark family and Baybrook Youth/Ward friends boating, party and karaoke night that they really enjoyed while they were here.

Pneumonia and Fungus Infection getting worse

Eric's tests came back from yesterday and his pneumonia and fungus infection in his lungs show they are getting worse. He has had his cough return which explains it now, the fever today and through the night went away now though but due to the infection getting worse and the antibiotics not helping it they are switching him to 3 different antibiotics mean while they took Eric down this morning for a bronchial test. They put a scope down and took a sample of off his lungs, they are going to grow a culture for 3 days and see what more they can find out about it.

Mean while on complete isolation now, gowns, gloves and masks. The kids went with the Clark's boating today so that should be fun for them. A nice change for them instead of the hospital room. Today is day 23 from transplant and Eric's white cell count is 4.9 which that is good he has not been above 1.5 for years!! The problem now is this pneumonia and fungus infection they are worried about. Eric is still getting red blood transfusions and platelet transfusions about every other day still, they say that the white counts are the first to start going up and then slowly the red cells and platelet's.

So alot of sit and wait right now, Eric's energy still pretty low although he seems a little bit better today then the last few days. Still just sleeps alot through the day though, he went on a walk with me 2 times this afternoon- that is good. Please everyone I know you are praying, but maybe if everyone could please specifically mention to bless Eric's body that he can fight this pneumonia and fungus infection in his lungs. I know the Lord is mindful and carrying us through this I just hope what he has in store for us is what we want and pray for. I believe so strongly in the power of prayer and I have seen the Lord's work and had to many miracles and blessings in my life not to mention now, I know the Lord is watching over us and always will.

Fever 101.8, doing tests...

Well today and yesterday Eric's energy has been pretty poor:( I feel bad because he tried so hard to feel better before the kids got here and he was doing good the 3 days prior but his fever just won't go away and they are trying to figure out why. Is it a new infection? Is it the pneumonia and fungus infection he had getting worse or what is it? They had the infectious disease doctors come in again and they sent him down for some additional tests on his lungs and pneumonia. They said they are trying to see if it has started to get worse from the other day. He has pretty much been sleeping the whole time the kids have been here ( I feel bad for the kids cause they wanted to be with him awake) I am just grateful they are here and they were able to see him and Eric could see them hopefully that will boost his spirits.

Today emotionally is a hard one for me, I am a little tired today ( not sure why?) I feel a little out of energy but I will try to change that.... I think this hospital room is getting a little old ya know? The kids said that their Dad seems so sad and weak, not like their Dad. That made me sad cause I know what they mean but I tried to explain to them Daddy is just tired and this fever and all his medicines make him really sleepy. He did get up a few times today and yesterday to walk with them but he was really tired and you can tell it took all his energy to do it. He really didn't want to but the doctors said they want him walking so we kind of just told him " Ok Dad we are going to go on a walk", he couldn't say no to the kids.

I knew this journey is a constant roller coaster, bad days then good followed by bad days... I keep thinking of all the times we would spend together as a family before the transplant! That is what helps me keep going...Eric is strong and he can get through this, we all can with the Lord's help.